MovieChat Forums > Private Benjamin (1980) Discussion > Oh my God is this movie awful! (spoilers...

Oh my God is this movie awful! (spoilers)

posted 15 years ago by Rupert__Pupkin
40 replies | jump to latest

I really like Goldie Hawn, and two of my favorite comedies of all-time are Overboard and Housesitter. But Private Benjamin is so bad. Here's a list of reasons why.

1) The writers couldn't decide if they wanted to make a movie about a rich princess in the military or a failed romance. It's like two terrible scripts got spliced together to make one steaming turd.

2) I get that it's a comedy, and some things are exaggerated for the sake of humor; but there are too many parts that are not realistic, and these parts have nothing to do with the so-called humor. For example, Judy left the military as if it were no big deal. Getting separated from the military is no easy task. It usually requires a medical reason (physical or psychological). No military commander would tell a private, "You've gotta pick, the military or your Communist boyfriend."

3) The ending is so bad. Judy walks out of the wedding and the credits roll. Where's the resolution? We just spent 2 hours watching this movie, only to see her quit her career in the military and then walk out of her wedding. All this time, and she ends us alone and unemployed. What's the point?

4) There were no likeable characters in the movie, except for maybe Judy. Her friends in the military had about two lines each, so we never really got to know them. Her father was a jerk; her husband and later fiance were both jerks; her drill instructor was a jerk; the other captain was banging the star recruit; her commander in the Thornbirds tried to rape her, her maid was banging her fiance, etc etc etc. Judy is likeable enough, but the rest of the cast is made up of detestable people.

5) The gags were too stupid. The scene with the blue paint in the shower. Has anyone ever gotten into a shower, put their face directly under the nozzle, and then turned the water on? Don't people typically turn the water on and then get in? Or at least feel the water first for temperature? Of course if the drill instructor did any of these rational things, the gag wouldn't have worked. I get it.

6) Everything was predictable. You knew she would go into the military and not fit in, but then somehow she would turn things around and impress her superiors. Wow, shocking.

7) The characters were all 2-dimensional and cliche. You had the poor little rich girl who lived off daddy's wealth who wanted to make it on her own. You had the rich father who didn't want his baby in the military. You had the jerk boyfriend who was sleeping with the maid. You had the anal retentive drill instructor that had it out for the lead character. Um, I think I've seen this movie about 100 times before.

I like older movies, especially older comedies, especially older comedies about the military. Stripes with Bill Murray is one of my favorite movies. Private Benjamin, however, is nothing but bad. Truly pathetic.

[–] Rupert__Pupkin 15 years ago

I posted this well over a month ago and not one person has come to this movie's defense. I think that's AWESOME!!! People finally understand this movie is crap.

[–] LoveYouRiverPhoenix 15 years ago

I love it :) Goldie Hawn is the best I love her xxxx

RIP River Phoenix
RIP Christopher Reeve
RIP Heather O'Rourke
RIP John Lennon

[–] Rupert__Pupkin 15 years ago

Wow, what a completely disarming retort!

[–] discotinny 15 years ago

Can't someone just like the movie without having a myriad of reasons as to why it's "OMG LIKE THE BEST MOVIE EVER!!11!!!"?

It's a cheesy movie, it has some funny bits and yes, it's unrealistic and obviously not perfect, but that doesn't mean it sucks. this isn't Gigli.

[–] Rupert__Pupkin 15 years ago

You're right. Gigli was much better.

I get your point that it's okay to just like a movie and not provide a rationale. That makes sense. But the whole point of a message board is to exchange ideas and discuss. What's the point in saying "This movie sucks!" or "This movie rocks!" If someone really liked this movie, I'd be really curious to know why. Similarly, if they think my critique was unfair or unaccurate, I'd be curious to hear why.

On several occasions, I've come on this board and said something about a movie that was just wrong. When someone comes on here and corrects me, or offers another perspective, I've been known to change my mind. I like that! I like it when someone presents such a compelling case that it makes me take a step back and reassess my own opinion. That's a message board at it's best.

At worst, it's a collection of meaningless statements that in no way relate to one another (e.g. Person 1: This movie is great. Person 2: This movie is bad. Person 3: This movie is great. Person 4: This movie is bad. etc.).

The person who responded to my original post only helped confirm my belief that this movie is terrible and one has to be a simpleton to simply veg out and enjoy the banality of it.

[–] jrs-8 15 years ago

Rupert I commend you for being one of the rare posters that announces his dislike and then details why. Most people don't go to the trouble. However you lost me by accusing those that like the movie of being "simpletons." I respectfully disagree with you and did enjoy it. I won't argue most of your points because of the fact that comedy is subjective and where you didn't laugh, I did. That makes neither of us wrong. As far as your argument on the meaning of the ending I think (though it has been many years since I have seen it) that Judy finally grew up and was ready to take on the world on her own. She had depended on her family, was obviously going to depend on her soon to die husband and then her fellow army brats. By running out of the army and then the marraige that obviously would have been a mistake she had reached that point in her life. Sorry you didn't like it but I am not a "simpleton" because I did. It's no classic but I laughed.

[–] Rupert__Pupkin 15 years ago

jrs,
Thank you for the thoughtful post. You're right. I shouldn't have called fans of the movie "simpletons." By marginalizing the people that I was trying to engage, I defeated any chance of having a meaningful dialogue. I will try my best to keep that point in mind when I'm posting in the future. Thanks.

[–] cooper-29 12 years ago

Youre reviews are really bad and not in a good way.
Go watch Hangover. More your speed.

[–] cooper-29 12 years ago

That's what I got from the ending when I originally saw it in the theater.
She is free. I think that is pretty apparent of the ending and overall theme of the entire movie.
Anyone that attacks a movie because they didn't get it, and then goes overboard to prove their point is asinine.

[–] mellison-2 12 years ago

I agree that the ending is perfect. Judy was always dependent on others, especially men. Now she's independent. It's not Shakespeare, no need to dissect it like a frog. Rupert, it's a light hearted comedy, maybe you just went a little "overboard" with your criticism. This is an excellent movie, on of my favorites by GH.

"Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death."

[–] queen_jupiter_1999 12 years ago

I love the movie. I've seen well over a hundred times and I'm still laughing at the same scenes. Great acting by Goldie!

"The earth is my body. My head is in the stars."

[–] ec1979 15 years ago

I don't agree with you at all. I love this movie, it's not an award-winner and it's not trying to be, but I think it's funny and the story is good, it's a classic. You're expecting too much from it. The resolution at the end of the movie is that she is going to leave that ass she was going to marry and go back to the army, the place that turned her from a bratty, dependent wimp, into a strong, independent woman. She realizes in the end that she was reverting back to her former self if she married that clod.

[–] Rupert__Pupkin 15 years ago

I just didn't think it was funny, and I didn't think the story was good. And I don't think I was expecting too much from it. I think perhaps maybe you're expecting too little.

[–] leonardlikesthispost 15 years ago

I'll jump in. I appreciate the thoughtful discussion on this thread. I just bought a used copy of this movie and watched it again after some years. I like it and here's why.

I was a kid when the series was on TV and I get a nostalgic feeling from it and the time period. That said, this isn't the funniest movie or the slickest writing. What I get out of it is a chance to look back at the late 70s early 80s culture and see what political and social shifts were going on. It's very easy to see why the movie ended the way it does if you take into consideration the second wave of feminism was in full swing at that time and women were still trying on a new identity (work place vs. home), and many weren't comfortable with that role yet (evidenced by the parents and central character in this movie). I think if you watch Private Benjamin along with some other movies of the period (9 to 5, for example), you can really see it clearly.

So, it may not have been entirely accurate that the Army said "Loose the commie or get out," but I think the plot point is interesting in terms of the other anxieties of the time period. That's why I don't mind that the story follows her after the Army and that she ends up with a stereotypical character, HENRI. To me, the movie really is more about the journey of this woman from childlike dependence to full adulthood/independent woman. The parts with the communism and anti-European sentiment (represented by Henri) reflect the subtext of the Cold War.

I am not a Frankenstein. I'm a Fronkensteen.

[–] Rupert__Pupkin 15 years ago

parnell,

Thanks for the post. I guess I'm not as nostalgic as you. I did like 9 to 5 though.

[–] t1380 15 years ago

Rupert,

As someone who served in the military, I can tell you that you are incorrect: you can actually be separated from the military if they find out that you are personally involved with the perceived enemy, right on the spot. Like in Judy's case, it was her Communist fiancee at the time which was Cold War. Today, any servicemember can be kicked out of the military and even prosecuted for treason, if he or she is married to a well-known al-quaida terrorist. You see, what I'm saying?

[–] Rupert__Pupkin 15 years ago

t1380,

You did not read my post corretly.

While it is true that military can administratively separate a person for having ties to anti-American organizations, this is not what happened in Private Benjamin. In the movie, Private Benjamin was basically told, "Look, you have to choose between your boyfriend or us." This is not what happens in the military. In the military, this choice is made for you.

Secondly, you didn't address my point that it is NOT easy to separate from the military. It's a long and arduous process. You don't just pack up and head for the exit, as it's portrayed in the movie.

If you have served in the military, you know that both of these points are 100% correct.

[–] t1380 15 years ago

Rupert,

In the early 80s, anybody who was a Communist was considered a threat to US government, a threat, and people could be separated from military for that. BTW, for women it was and still is a lot easier than it is for men.

I think the movie have shown events in a summarized way of Judy being separated. Maybe, it took 3 months or more for her to get discharged, but they didn't show it to us.

[–] Rupert__Pupkin 15 years ago

Assuming that the separation process wasn't as easy as the movie lead the audience to believe, no commanding officer would tell an E1 to choose between the military or a communist boyfriend. Either this behavior is intolerable and she is kicked out (no choice), or the behavior is acceptable and ignored. This is only one of many criticisms about the movie.

I have worked for the military (as a civilian) and worked directly with ad. seps, and I can tell you that the movie's portrayal of the process and the circumstances around it were completly fabricated.

[–] kb-70 14 years ago

Yep the separation process was stupid. That didn't bother me in this particular movie, since it was practically a screwball comedy anyway.

But I understand how it bothered you. I feel the same way when a movie really screws up aviation things. We all have our hot-buttons.

[–] cooper-29 12 years ago

Rupert. Stop why u think u are ahead.
U have no credibility.

[–] RottenBeauty 14 years ago

It may be a year later but I felt compelled to respond based on the absurd about of arrogance you seem to convey.

You have a list of reasons why you don't like it, good for you and I'm sure these reasons are very valid to you.

Yet you feel that no one responding to you validates you, what exactly has given you such a sense of entitlement that you feel that you opinion should be that of everybody?

That being said i didn't mind this movie, and I thought it was fine but was disappointed in the ending.

Feed me a stray cat.

[–] Rupert__Pupkin 14 years ago

RottenBeauty,

I suggest you go back and actually read this post in its entirety. I think that once you do that, you will delete your thoughtless and insulting post.

[–] RottenBeauty 14 years ago

True to my nature I went back and read it, yet I came to the same conclusion.

You take no one posting as some form of validation and when someone posts merely that they liked it you respond with sarcasm, as though you were expecting a real rebuttle.

Feed me a stray cat.

[–] onegreendress 13 years ago

I like this movie. Here is my list of reasons:

1. The acting is good on everyone’s part, especially Hawn and Eileen Brennan. That first scene with Brennan, just watching her smile change and her eyebrows move as she sizes up Benjamin is very funny. Also, one has sympathy for her when she is jilted and comes in drunk at the inspection and later when she is dyed blue. I like the privates less because of this joke, and I think that’s a good thing for the movie.

2. The theme works. It is a fairly creative take on an age-old Pygmalion theme—of a woman being remade and sculpted into an independent, intelligent, and self-reliant person. In this case, the sculptor is not a Professor Higgins but the army itself. The husbands Benjamin had would never have propelled her into any kind of self-reliance. She simply had convenient holes for the 2nd husband and a desire to have a home to decorate.

3. Some lines are quite funny, particular the one describing the mock battle, where there were mines and “Most are inert, but some are ert.”

4. I like that while the overall theme of the film is dramatic, the form is a comedy that never takes itself too seriously. The main purpose of the film is to make us laugh more than to make us think, but I care enough about the theme and characters to put some thinking into it.

5. Armand Assante.

6. Sexual harassment is a reality of most women’s lives at work, especially in the past. It’s satisfying to see a woman be able to use being the victim of it to her advantage. I have been harassed by 2 different bosses in my past and was too young and clueless to attempt to do anything about it. But both instances have certainly haunted my life.

[–] miriamwebster 13 years ago

Couldn't agree more. Damn near unwatchable--like a feminist remake of Never Wave at a WAC meets a female version of Stripes, No Times for Sergeants, Gomer Pyle, etc. Totally unfunny 30 years ago and even less so today. And having expended all obvious Army jokes, inexplicably segues into European romance? How did this cinematic piece of s*** on a shingle wrangle multiple Oscar nominations, including Best Actress and Best Supporting Actress? Clearly, logic went AWOL.

[–] Linda1973 12 years ago

5) The gags were too stupid. The scene with the blue paint in the shower. Has anyone ever gotten into a shower, put their face directly under the nozzle, and then turned the water on? Don't people typically turn the water on and then get in? Or at least feel the water first for temperature? Of course if the drill instructor did any of these rational things, the gag wouldn't have worked. I get it.

She turned the water on at the tub faucet and stuck her hand under it to feel for the temp (which is also what I did when I had a tub/shower combo). You must have missed that part.

[–] Rupert__Pupkin 12 years ago

That's not what I'm talking about. When you first turn on a shower, the temperature is initially cold but then warms up in about a second. My original point is still accurate: No one gets into a shower, closes their eyes, and then turns the nozzle directly onto their face. Stupid gag. Even if you were right about this gag, that does not come close to excusing this terrible movie.

[–] 12 years ago

[deleted]

[–] Rupert__Pupkin 12 years ago

I offered a list of reasons why I hate Private Benjamin. None of these things apply to Housesitter. Maybe you can expand on the reasons why you don't like Housesitter.

[–] Naughty-God 12 years ago

LOL

You're such a pedantic fool, seriously.

You list seven examples from the movie and proceed to explain your subjective reaction to them as if everyone else is suppose to agree with you, and when nobody reacts you reply to yourself with some fake declaration of victory over those who you assume love the film because they enjoyed the seven examples you listed.

Delusional much?

(¯`i´¯)´·¸.)‹^›

[–] Rupert__Pupkin 12 years ago

Naughtygod,

Your stalking of me is getting very old. You apparently think everything I say is stupid and ignorant, yet you follow me around and post on all of my posts. Interesting.