Things I've Learned From CLOSET CASES OF THE NERD KIND....

* French people sound like bad Bill Clinton impressions.
* All-American sewage workers talk like a bad Swedish guy impressions.
* "Closet Cases" in 1980 meant something unrelated to gay people.
* Viewmasters do not make good binoculars.
* A metal trash can lid, however, could make for a passable gong.
* Darth Vader, when he isn't busy terrorizing a Galaxy Far Far Away, is cruising Earth's highways at night on his awesome Harley and berating motorists for blocking the road.
* Binky The Clown was in the pie business before he started terrorizing Garfield The Cat.
* A vacuum cleaner can suck up a child.
* There's a scientist named J. Alien Horselips.
* A ball-cap with bunny ears or 3D glasses are good, valid, scientific gear.
* When there's a mishap in the sewage system, the sewage treatment plant has a "Brown Alert".
* There's a town called Cornbread.
* Aliens and ugly toy cymbal monkeys are one and the same.
* Said aliens are obsessed with pies....particularly the "pie in face" gag.
* Mailboxes make great Gospel-Barbershop Quintets.
* Large paper-plates of nothing but mashed potatoes alone are a great and nourishing meal for a large suburban family.
* Film crews hang out on the side of the road.
* The rubber chicken is named Colonel Sanders.
* The writers for Family Matters apparently got an idea for a character name for one of the crew behind this film.