MovieChat Forums > The Clonus HorrorĀ (1979) Discussion > This is one of the funniest MST3K episod...

This is one of the funniest MST3K episodes

You have Peter Graves (movie bookend), the second guy from Bewitched, the Battle of the Hollywood Reject Stars as the clones, Col. Bat Guano from Dr. Strangelove and a very cheesy plot. The funniest quote is when President-wanna-be Peter Graves comes to his brother's house to silence opposition to the clone horror, and the bro opens the door: "Some coffee, for your thugs?"


LOL... I respectfully disagree. The funniest part is when "the beer can struggles upstream to spawn." And when "he's a nurse's aide who doesn't play by the rules!" And "What does M-I-L-W-A-U-K-E-E spell?" "It spells $2.99 a case!" The whole break-in and Milwaukee sequence, in fact, just makes me laugh 'till my stomach hurts. I could quote lines from this movie all day.

Oh, and they get a zillion trillion bonus points for getting in a quick reference to Prick Up Your Ears. I just about fell off my chair. I thought nobody else had seen that movie.


Have you seen they are remaking Parts: The Clonus Horror? "The Island" starring Ewan McGregor comes out July 22. le/tt0399201/




buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuli nk


"Roswell... Area 51... Waco... formula for Coca-Cola..."


My favorites:

One of the old white guys is told he has a clone:
"Oh, that's right! I ordered one and forgot!"

A sperm cell penetrates an egg:

"They take good care of us here..."
"Like when you got your butt stuck in the toaster."
(I don't know, I just think it's too strange not to laugh at.)

"What's a bet?" "Nothing. Just put on your helmet."
"What's a helmet?

I think this is from a scene at a press conference, but it could be from a different episode:
"Hey, product placement! I'm gonna go buy NBC."


There's a stirring in my little clonus.


Fine! You go host "Biography!"



You and I were the only ones who saw "prick up your ears" but it came out in the 80's Long after "Parts"


*They're raising a race of Becks.

*Regardless of race, black people are not allowed here at Bruce Jenner University.

*So...they're taking blood out of his right arm and putting it in his left arm?

*The REAL story of Taco Bell...

*I've grown accustomed to breathing out and breathing in.

*Happy birthday, Jack Lord!

*So, this is the classic situation of man versus machine...
Machine! Machine! C'mon Machine!

*So, what if your clone is a hard-drinking, hard-living clone? Sorry, we need your liver to keep your clone alive!

*The story of the underrated, underpaid and underappreciated Peter Graves, host of Biography...tonight on Biography.

*Yeah...I'm gonna do it...I'm gonna start a band called Air Supply!

*I forgot my toothbrush for Amerika!

*So, life is a constant non-competitive track meet.
--This isn't sanctioned,'re doing this on your own!

*Now, doctor...don't fill him with Smucker's like last time. That wasn't funny.


*Please invent the sports bra soon!

*Professor Darren and Doctor Super Mario Brother...

*--I get to go to Amerika! --When? --Later on. --Congratulations. --Thanks.
I gotta go pack. Then I gotta get ready to go.

*--I like having you touch me. --Me too. I like to touch me, too.

*We're going to remove the dumb parts of you...

*(Searching for an explanation to the whole situation in the security office, finding a videotape) Let's see...oh, this should explain everything..."Parts-The Clonus Horror."

*Now I get it...I don't understand a thing!

"Wanna hear something strange? I've got grasshoppers taped to my back."


Bruce Jenner University! lol.


Clone: NO! I'M Just like you are!
Mike: Isn't that horrible?!


"Won't you take me now?" Whoa!

It's a giant clam!!!

A separate piece... of crap.



My favorite MST3K quote from the movie involves Dick Sargent's character wearing a really fruity white jumpsuit. He goes to answer a phone and props his free hand on his hip and one of the guys says: "Dick Sargent as the Bonic Woman."

Just struck me as really funny.


You guys forgot the best one. It's when Dick Sargeant takes the podium to give his lecture:

"It's Bewitched-apalooza"


You guys are all wrong. The best quote in this episode and in all of MST3K history is "HQ, my hat looks like a muffin."


I know Robert Fiveson (director of The Clonus Horror) through a guy I work with and I emailed him with my support regarding all the controversy behind Michael Bay's film. Through message boards on this site and others the subject of The Island being a remake that does not give credit to its original story is starting to come out a lot. Mr. Fiveson is counting on us to spread the word so he can get the on-screen credit he deserves. Action in court may or may not be necessary. With The Island's release looming, it will be interesting to see how this all pans out.

Personally, I first watched Parts: The Clonus Horror as part of MST3K many years ago and of all the films they lampooned on the series, that particular movie always sticks out in my mind ("And it's one more clone up in the can-yon."). Clonus is a bit of a cult favorite now with my friends, and it was a real strange treat to find out that this guy Fiveson I had talked to over email a few times turned out to be the movie's director. Also, the producer for Clonus is Myrl Schreibman, who is a professor at UCLA. They are both great guys and seriously deserve a credit and whatever else should come to them in regard to The Island.


I am shocked, *shocked* I tell you that no one has mentioned my favorite part of the movie.

"Guess I oughtta go a little easier next time..."

"Boy she really WAS on top of old smokey!"

"Only YOU can prevent groin fires"

What made it great was that I didn't get the first line right away, but when I did, I would have shouted Eureka if I hadn't been falling out of my chair and crying from laughing so hard. Luckily, I got it before the other two lines, because they would have given it away. Much funnier when you figure it out on your own.


I like MST3K, but CLONUS isn't really quite bad enough to deserve being lampooned on the show.

The yardstick I use is whether the movie is worse that BLOODHOOK, the ridiculous horror-comedy that MST3K-producer Jim Mallon made back in the 1980s. CLONUS has that film beat by a mile.


Favorite line:

"I'll leave you a lump of dough with hair on it to remind you of me."

Or when they're lying down and the angle looks like the guy's crotch is on fire. Later he's reading a book: "Crotch fires and you!"

MST3K rules.



"Thank you nurse that was a lovely aria."

I am honestly crying just reading this thread. We had a tape of that episode when I was a kid and wore it out. Is it on DVD?


I don't think the MST3K treatment is available on DVD, but it should be! I too have this on a fading VHS tape (ads for $2500 Dell systems and all) and I watch it whenever I feel the need to laugh. The whole scene where Richard is discovered "humping" the garbage of the man who has been retired from being a newspaper reporter (at 65, chagrins "mini-skirted grandma"). "Are you one of them preverts?"

For God, Country and the Queen!


This movie is different from all the other MST3Ks because it actually has a purpose, intention, and strong message. Unfortunetly is was done EXTREMELY badly so even though it's better than the other movies story-wise, it's still reasonable in being a MST3K ep.

Old woman: Clonus?
Crow: oh right the horror down the street.

Crow: Parts: The Visible Pantyline Horror

Mike: Parts: The Village People Horror

Richard: Where do you live?
Crow: later on.

Mike: Now lets put out our flaming crotches and we'll find your nose.

See the lies, spirit dies, your disguise: Monster size.


Let's not forget, THIS ISLAND EARTH, a pretty good film, was featured on MiSTy.

Didn't MiSTy begin on Showtime or something? I was thinking it was on Comedy Central later on. Gotta look that up. Funny stuff.



Not Showtime...public access. They REALLY came up from the bottom.



Nobody has mentioned my favorite, either...

After the video shows the lobotamy, and they turn the patient's face to the camera..."I like mittens!"

I just think it is so incredibly random and brilliant. My brother and I both love this. We say it at those awkward silences at a group gathering...everybody laughs even though they don't know what we're talking about.

I miss MST3K! Most brilliant show ever.


If you watch MST3K episodes in order, you will notice a recurring line they had going on any time someone was near water or a boat..



"You turn on the light, that's why you're my assistant."


"Only you can prevent groin fires"


my favorites were
guy sits indian style "have some sun my little friend"

that and whenever the doctor looked like luigi and they kept doing the mario theme song

when the guy is counting down from 100 "99..98..97" servo"oh no it's turning him on!!!"

Murph:Were good!
Connor:Yes we are!
-Boondock Saints