Crow: (as Denise) Good shooting, Zanthar!
Mike: (as Zanthar) Thanks, Denise!
Mike: These credits give you a chance to finish your popcorn, talk a little, and decide to see another movie
Mike: (in a whiny voice) Roxy!
Mike: (as an alien) Oh, great! ET calls, we come, and he's not here
Crow: I know what you're thinking. Did I fire six gorlocks or only five?
Crow: (as Billy) Help! A giant bong is attacking me
Crow: Man, if those pants blow, it's gonna be like a piano exploding!
Colonel: Everything is hush hush!
Servo: Sweet Charlotte!
Colonel: Operation Sanddust... hush hush!
Servo: Sweet Charlotte!
Colonel: Everyone connected with it... Hush hush!
Servo: Sweet Charlotte!
Mike: (as Pete) Look, ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL?!
Mike: (as Pete) Then I gotta go home and GET READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL!
Crow: (as Pete) Let's find out if he's READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL!
Mike: Yeah, what do we got? Another citizen who isn't READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL!
Mike: Ah, now onto movie 3
Mike: Pepsi gave him big bucks to place Coke in this movie
Mike: (as Billy) Think of all the dope I can smoke with this!
Mike: Once you're over the age of eleven, you should not say "pow"
Crow: This is how advanced the aliens are: they can edit this scene down!
Crow: (as the alien leader) Howdy-doo!
Servo: (as an alien) Uh, please, sir. We've seen Laserblast
Mike: When the movie starts showing parts of itself, you know you're in trouble
Mike: (as the alien leader) Get out there and sell, sell, sell!
Crow: We're going home. The movie isn't fun anymore
Crow: Yes, it's a Manson family reunion!
Crow: No one wants to eat cake and he can't find Kathy. Now the movie is really starting to find its purpose! '
Mike: A Microsoft meeting goes horribly wrong!
Mike: Dumb Cop and Dumb Cop. They're dumb cop
Mike: Oh, no! His car turned into a sedan, crashed, and exploded!
Crow: Bad movies have taught us that sheriffs hold onto their belt
Servo: (as Pete) Anything you say can be used-- GET READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL!
Mike: (as Pete) I like to teach the world... TO GET READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL!
Servo: (as Pete) I'm not ready for football anymore!
Mike: (as Pete) Man, I could eat him. Tear off the wrapper, pop him in the microwave. One bite
Crow: Well, goodbye, Mrs. Joe Don Baker
Crow: (as Pete) Oh, damn! There's only six rolls of toilet paper left
Mike: (as Billy) Somebody stop me!
Servo: Wait! Save the nut goodies!
Crow: Save the pine tree air-fresheners!
Mike: Save the dirty trucker tapes!
Crow: I thought it was just one gas station, but it's four!
Crow: This movie means two things to me: sheet cake and back fat
Mike: Wow! He's being outacted by a drain pipe!
Mike: Eddie's like a puppy you just have to keep hitting with a rolled-up newspaper
Mike: Hello, Grand Rapids! Are you ready to rock and roll?
Crow: Red Zone Cuba 3: The Destruction of Cherokee Jack
Crow: Hey, Eddie! Hey, Chuck! I like the flames you painted on your...OW!
Mike: (singing) Something touched me deep inside the day Eddie Deezen died
Kathy: Billy!
Crow: Don't be a hero!
Servo: I miss Eddie Deezen
Crow: Now why did they call this movie Laserblast?
Servo: Leave the Bronx! You are ordered to leave the Bronx!
Crow: (as an alien) Don't ever make fun of my ass again!
Crow: We saw Anthrax last night! We got hammered and puked!
Mike: (as Mellon) Hmm. I was in a monkey suit, and now I'm in this movie
Kathy: What about the lump on your chest?
Servo: (as Billy) Oh, that's my nipple
Crow: They spelled Roddy McDowall's name wrong
"New sheriff in town, boys! You all best get used to it" - Sawyer, LOST
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