I remember my first love, who moved away when I was 15 years old. She was about 21 months younger than me. The memory of this perfect, beautiful, but somewhat unpopular girl haunted / haunts me for years, even the present.
I remember the beautiful seasons, the glow the whole world had when I was with her, the unanswered questions, the lack of understanding and life's mysteries, the deep and profound questions that kept me awake at nights, thinking nothing but of her -- and knowing that the relationship would end one cold morning in September, when she was moving.
Though my teenage years remained magical, my love for her was intense and my need for her after she was gone even more intense and desperate. I dreamed the impossible dream that one day we'd reunite. I felt God meant it to be. Of course, it never happened. It doesn't mean as much to me now, but the feelings were quite strong even ten and fifteen years after the relationship ended.
Maybe relive the times, reexperience them as I remember or maybe as they really were.
Or maybe resolve the past, the unanswered questions and impenetrable longings. Closure? Perhaps. Not sure if I'd like a 'fantasy' of meeting her again as I idealize her, or a fantasy of reliving the past, but ultimately I'd like a dose of reality and resolution and perhaps closure. The full confidence to move forward with sound assurance that all went well and ended well and everything's OK.
Mr. Roarke, in his wisdom, would know what's best for me.
And 'cause' never was the reason for the evening,
--Or the Tropic of Sir Galahad.