17) If your car is dying, tap the dash board a couple of times to revive it. There is a 50/50 chance that it will work. This film only shows you the 50% chance when it doesn't.
18) Arnie is one mighty fine sign painter!
19) Bait is spelled B-A-T-E.
20) When there's not much going on in a place like that, it'll take a few hours for the mechanic to get to your car.
21) Giant sea monsters make neither ripples nor splashes when rising out of the surface or plunging back down into fresh water lakes. They can also climb onto rowboats without displacing them in the water in order to throw unwary fishermen overboard.
22) Tonight's the night I'm gonna' ask Dora to dance.
23) Ignorant rednecks unable to start outboard motors makes for gripping cinema, and it's even funnier after you add humorous music to the soundtrack.
24) Arnie is a handsome, handsome man. Try to add a few extreme close-ups of Arnie in your movie just for the ladies. Oh, yeah...
25) If you Kick someone in the butt, it sounds just like a kettle drum!
26) When other mountainous law enforcement agencies were being mislead by slick shysters dealing with the GMC Jimmy, One County, Oregon was the envy of all with their Family Truckster.
27) You have to sneak up on your car in order to place a disembodied head into the back seat. If the car notices you with the head, it could become startled and bolt.
28) When you step out of a mountain lake, you need only put on your hat and pick up your jacket in order to become perfectly dry.
29) The stars really shine brightly in the noonday sun at Crater Lake. In fact, it may appear as though the stars have gone nova.
30) The best way to escape a sea monster is to go full-throttle in your boat, drive onto the beach, and then take a nap.
31) Before the invention of the 80's montage, editors simply added 4 seconds of calm lake footage between one scene and the next to imply that someone has been out for the longest time.
32) Just because you're wearing J.C. Penny Action Wear doesn't guaranty that you'll be able to do actual action scenes while wearing it.
33) Hungry monsters will stand around and wait patiently while you torch your ride in hopes that you'll fall into the fire so that they can have their first hot meal.
34) Sea Monsters will crawl over logs, trees and rocks to get to a camper 100 yards from the shoreline, but won't budge an inch across soft sandy beach if there's a burning boat nearby.
35) When filming your movie, always try to clean your camera lenses before the director says "Action". He or she may not ask for a second take, or be able to green-light one from the producer and you'll be stuck with what you got the first time.
36) Gray hair = wisdom. The more gray hair, the wiser you are. Since Marvel Comics owns Reed Richard's "graying temples" design, try to have your gray laid out in a different pattern. We recommend "skunk stripe down the middle." It may not make you any smarter, but everyone else around you will think you're brilliant and ask for your advice.
39) The best way to show suspense is by playing romantic music at dramatic times.
40) Tennis shoes 'pop!' when you put them on.
41) Things always look hopeless when you're sober.
42) The fastest way to get drunk is off of the backwash from your lazy friend.
43) When a law enforcement agent says "Hold it!", what he really means is "Please stick your weapon out the window and fire at me!"
44) Drivers are generally courteous in Oregon with car chases occurring well within the confines of the posted speed limits.
45) Abandoned rock quarries are Meccas for car crashes.
46) Sea monsters are ninja masters and can sneak up on anyone!
47) In order to attack, sea monsters must complete a series of Stevie Wonder-like head lulls.
Don't ask me what I think of you,
I might not give the answer that you want me to.
- Fleetwood Mac, "Oh Well"
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