MovieChat Forums > Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977) Discussion > Bad father? Seriously?

Bad father? Seriously?

posted 9 years ago by grybop
61 replies | jump to latest

I'm disgusted by all the housewives in this forum moaning that no, Roy shouldn't have left his family, he was such a bad father for abandoning his wife and casting upon her the burden pf paying the bills and so on and so on...

Really people?! It's not like he went on a vacation with his mates to Honolulu, neither did he leave everything behind to live a new life with his mistress! HE MET EXTRATERRESTRIAL BEINGS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! THIS WAS HIS DREAM, HIS OBSESSION! Get that inside your petty bourgeois minds if you can! This is bigger than anything he had ever lived or wished for so far. Imagine him pondering "well, yeah, I could follow that alien, but what about my family life in Indiana? Yeah, scrap that UFO stuff, I got a predestined middle class life to live!" OF COURSE HE'D GET ON THAT SHIP, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Nothing but pity for you people.

[–] aimeelesoir 8 years ago

Have never understood the "family" values of American culture from the 50s-70s. The nuclear family unit living in a suburban home seems so bizarre to me that there is nothing strange about the character forgetting that he has the "family" in the suburbs when he finds his real family.

[–] ddt_eagleeye 8 years ago

I agree.
There is this one chance to give your life meaning, to make a difference, to do something no man has ever done before... I would do it in a heartbeat.
No one has ever gained something important in life without being at least a little courageous, without taking a risk of some sort. It's the true spirit of human nature - to imagine what lies beneath, step out of ourselves and explore the beyond.
Let's look at a more recent example of science-fiction movies, Interstellar. Cooper departs on a journey to save mankind, or at least try. He doesn't have the slightest idea if he'll ever find another inhabitable world other than Earth, but nevertheless he leaves his family, his beloved daughter, because he believes in the significance of his mission.
Mankind would have never travelled to space, built huge, football-field-sized space stations or went for a walk on the moon if there hadn't been pioneers in exploration beyond our established borders.
So please, try to step back and see the bigger picture. Mankind was not brought on this world to be just another byproduct of evolution. We were made to make contact with whatever is out there - and I'd bet my life on it that there is.

[–] Paul612 8 years ago

Problem is the argument isn't about whether we should explore beyond our established borders, it's about whether it's right for him to just up and leave his family, without even saying goodbye or seeming to think about them I might add. Sorry, but think about if you were one of his kids, how would you feel. Yeah it might be cool that your fathers exploring space but honestly I'd be a bit ticked off with and if he turned up years later, he wouldn't be my father anymore but just the man that went to outer space.

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[–] a_l_i_e_n 8 years ago

Spielberg should've at least had Roy leave a note with Gillian, or Lacombe, to give to his kids.

[–] !!!deleted!!! (4524359) 8 years ago

If I was his kid I'd never forgive him if he passed up a chance like that. Out of billions of people he was picked to go where no man has gone before. I should *beep* hope he followed through on that. Some things are just more important than one singular family and I would understand that COMPLETELY.

That said, I'm 30+ years old now and maybe I wouldn't have felt the same if I was a little kid, but I'd understand once I grew up.

[–] a_l_i_e_n 8 years ago

If I was his kid I'd never forgive him if he passed up a chance like that. Out of billions of people he was picked to go where no man has gone before. I should *beep* hope he followed through on that. Some things are just more important than one singular family and I would understand that COMPLETELY.

That said, I'm 30+ years old now and maybe I wouldn't have felt the same if I was a little kid, but I'd understand once I grew up.

Fair enough. Now what would you do if you were the one faced with the choice of leaving your 12, 10 and 4 year old? Would you do it?

[–] nutsberryfarm 8 years ago

clearly a bad shaver.

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[–] dannieboy20906 8 years ago

People who are leading normal lives and then depart pursuing an obsession tend to leave carnage in their wake. The human race would not have progressed (let's not argue over whether or not we have) without the obsessed dreamers. On the other hand, we cannot expect people who were hurt by those dreamers on their way not to be upset at being hurt.

I think that if I were young and single I would get on the ship. I might even leave a wife behind. But I don't think that I would leave children behind.

Even though there is strong indication that they will bring him back, that could be anywhere for hours to generations later in subjective Earth time. I'm not sure that I could tolerate that. However, I can certainly sympathize with someone who would want to explore the possibilities badly enough to go.

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[–] Robbmonster 8 years ago

I'm with you. If I was chosen by a race of aliens to go on a tour of the universe, I would accept it without hesitation, worldly responsibilities be damned. And any enlightened human being would understand such an urge.

Complaining people also need to remember that Roy was - to an extent - brainwashed by the aliens, they planted the insatiable obsession within him. Heck, it's even debatable the extent to which Roy was even in control of his own actions by the end of the story.

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[–] a_l_i_e_n 8 years ago

...Roy was - to an extent - brainwashed by the aliens, they planted the insatiable obsession within him. Heck, it's even debatable the extent to which Roy was even in control of his own actions by the end of the story.

That's true, too. We don't know if the influence of the psychic invitation ended once he got to the meeting place in Wyoming, or, did it cause a permanent alteration of his psyche. And if the latter were the case, it's the aliens who come off sorta badly here.

[–] Jumbotron 8 years ago

Well, I've just seen this movie for the first time, and by the time it ends I couldn't help feeling that Roy is a terrible head of the family. And I'm a man. To be honest, I didn't think that he was a very nice person either.

The movie is quite good IMHO, by the way.

[–] a_l_i_e_n 8 years ago

Well, I've just seen this movie for the first time, and by the time it ends I couldn't help feeling that Roy is a terrible head of the family. And I'm a man. To be honest, I didn't think that he was a very nice person either.

Is this principally because Roy decides to leave at the end, or was there something else about his personality that you found objectionable?

[–] Jumbotron 8 years ago

Excuse me, I hadn't seen your reply because I was expecting to receive some e-mail alerting about new responses on the threads I had participated in, as it is a common feauture that lots of other forums share. But I haven't got any e-mail during this time, so I thought there hadn't been new replies to this thread.

Yes, my problem with Roy is mainly that he decides to leave his family and board the mother ship. Also, it bothered me somehow his obsessive personality. But, of course, he had been mentally manipulated by the aliens in some way.

[–] CravenCarp55 8 years ago

Kinda see where threadstarter is coming from, but having kids and raising kids is the ultimate in a lot of ways. I wouldnt want to lose my life to an outer space mission. That is just me though.

[–] wilsonandrewc 8 years ago

And his wife and kids moved out because of it.

[–] chet19 8 years ago

He was a horrible father. Left his wife to go kissy kissy with another woman. Abandoned his kids. Threw dirty and bricks into his own house like an insane lunatic, and stole the neighbor's fence. You call that a GOOD father?

[–] keyser_soze_smokes 8 years ago

Threw dirty and bricks into his own house like an insane lunatic, and stole the neighbor's fence.

Some frat assignment right there if there's ever been one.

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[–] CeroneSicario 8 years ago

Why did they, pick him exactly? Cause he's naturally eccentric and immature? XD

[–] shoobe01-1 8 years ago

I also don't get any of these discussions of bad parenting, and not sure even the OP is seeing the same character I am.

He didn't choose to meet the aliens, they pretty much made him do it. Take the best known scene of the movie, the mashed potato thing. That came out of his brain. The aliens did something, and there are a couple references later to many others having the same experience, and the same compulsion to go to Devil's Tower; he's just the only one who makes it.

So, he did in the strictest sense neglect his family (and also strictly: they abandoned him), but not by choice and he's very disappointed that the family left him and doesn't get what he does.