MovieChat Forums > Riding with Death Discussion > Favorite MST3K lines

Favorite MST3K lines

posted 19 years ago by The_Cackling_Stump
36 replies | jump to latest

Well no one else has done it and I can't imagine why, since this is one of the funniest MSTs ever, so I'm doin it, the best lines from Mike and the bots from this cinematic crapfest!

Servo: Hi, I'm Ben Murphy.

Computer: Special Agent Sam Casey
Crow: Your table is ready.

Computer: The blast of radiation left Casey alive, but invisible.
Mike: Do you buy that?

Sam Casey: Do you know who those turkeys were?
Servo: Were they butterballs?

Servo: We'll have a turkey update.
Servo: mmmmm, turkey soup.

Sam Casey: I'm right on your back door, buddy.
Crow: ew.
Buffalo Bill: ...Keep the black marks off my mudflaps.
All: EW!!!!!

Mike: Sam, how do you spell patent?
Mike*during high speed chase*: My patent papers are at a slight angle Sam, what's going on?

Servo: She wouldn't look good bald.
Mike: What?

Mike: My well-oiled chassie is coming up on your backside, now.
Servo: My rigid grill structure is bearing down on your unprotected cargo door.
Crow: My off-complimented peterbilt is rhythmically nudgin' that sweet honey pot of yours....
Mike and Servo: CROW!!!!!

Mike: Grazen and satisfied I'm tracin' lazy circles on your supercab now!
Crow: And you said I was bad.

Criminal: No. It can't be? YOU'RE DEAD?
Mike: NO? I'M? NOT??

Driscal: You're as illusive as Robert Denby!
Mike: WHO?!

Crow: The rare male cameltoe.

Crow: Mike, did the ozone layer finally give out?

Cupcake: Sam's driving the special.
Crow: The space shuttle?

Mike: The day is yours, Cupcake. But we will meet again.
Crow: I will rule the world! Emporer Cupcake!

*Buffalo Bill says something totally unintelligable*
Mike: New England journalists?

Theres tons more lol.

"Why don't presidents fight the war?
Why do they always send the poor?"

[–] The_Cackling_Stump 19 years ago

*we see bottle of blue gasoline*
Mike: Smurf urine!

*Abby cuts her way out of a bag*
Crow: The first test of the female condom

*gas station guy cut's Sam's brakes*
Servo: They don't call me Carl for nothin.
*later when Sam discovers brakes are out*
Mike: DAMN YOU CARL!

See the lies, spirit dies, your disguise: Monster size.

[–] ih8tt 19 years ago

"Hold me closer tiny death!"

"I'm going to do my Ben Murphy-est!"

[–] garbiedog 19 years ago

I agree, this MST rocked, it's one of my favorites.

Mike: "So no air holes in the mask?"
Crow: "He's got long arms!"

Servo: "Yeah, that sure was all I could say, was just, 'What the hell happened to me?'"

Mike: "You think you could get a little more spittle on your fishy lips?"

Mike: "I think you're hideous, you're buttless and skinney."

Mike: "Ah, killers, they're fun."

Servo: "Robert Reed, and Tom T. Hall!"

Imitation Brady Dad: "Did you do it?" Servo: "Did you kiss him?"

"...Graduated Harvard Law School..." Mike: "Under Operation Admit the Dumb."

Crow: "A lot of bag-switching going on, oh well, you guys know what you're doing."

Crow: "Sam, my patent papers are wondering why we've stopped."

Mike: "So hold all my calls, Debbie."

Mike: "Well, he's an amateur, I'll give him that."

Mike: "I said that and I immediately clammed up."

So many more....

[–] picaqasag 15 years ago

can i just say how happy it is to find others like myself...riding with death is one of the best ones, why isnt it on DVD yet?!!!!! i love all you msties out there!!!!

[–] gemmah 19 years ago

'New England Journalist?'

Casey: How you riding back there, doctor?
Mike: Uh, i'm not in a helicopter!

Mike: Sam, I've been blown to a thousand bits, but i really do need to finish these patent papers.

'Roll a Tina?'

'God, I hate being badgered by pharmacist.'

Servo: Roda and Joe, I sure hope they get married.
Mike & crow: 70's.

Casey: Now, that i think about it i must have been in some sort of coma.
Crow: I was in a coma which is why i probably don't remember it.

Crow: Boy, i sure hope i don't get Legioner's disease.
Mike: 70's.

[intercom buzzer goes off]
Servo: Oh, this could be my Swine fLu result.
Crow: 70's.

Mike: Nice blue flame, speaking of blue flame i hope Craig Ehlo (??) album holds up.
Crow:70's?
Mike: Yeah

[–] kaboom23 18 years ago

this isn't technically a line, but that whole bit where Driscoll is cleaning his glasses after watching the Tripoldine(sp?) film makes me laugh so hard i cry :)

plus the constant mention of turkies.

[–] Dash_Rendar 18 years ago

"Yeah, there are some advantages of being Ben Murphy, such as...being Ben Murphy."

"Hey, can I have some directions?"
"Yeah, you go around that turn, then around that turn over there, and around that turn..."

[–] almightyfredder 15 years ago

It's not just how hard he's cleaning the glasses but how Mike and the bots constantly riff on it the rest of the epis- uh movie.

signed,
"Buy breasts where you work or bank!" Tom Servo - The Thing That Couldn't Die

[–] jrware 18 years ago

Servo: (as Sam Casey hides out behind the bar as the fight begins between Buffalo and pretty much everyone in the place gathered for "Amateur Night") Oh God of Israel, I defile your memory!

[–] kaboom23 18 years ago

*Buffalo starts singing on amature night at the bar*
Crow: Well, it's hardly worth it, but BOOOOO

[–] Emperor-Cupcake 18 years ago

*points to screen name*

"I will rule the world! Emperor Cupcake!"

After the semi explodes and Tom, as Dr. Hale, goes: "Hahahhahahhaa!"

Buffalo: "Nobody ever made it out of that turn doing more than forty. What's your speed?"
Crow: "Hundred-seventy. Is that a problem?"

"Ow! He bit me!"

"Lucky guy. He's about to find out I'm Ben Murphy!"

"Imitation Brady Dad!"

"You're a hick aren't you?"

"Oh, I'm sorry! That's Von Cleanhand!"

"So, Cupcake. Is that Italian?"

"The schism was deep. Wafflehouses across the South were divided against each other."

"Et tu, Billy Bob?"

"Why am I so full-hipped for a guy?"

"Day three of their forty-mile trip."

"Winged Bears!?!? Oh my god, it's the End Times!"

"The Indian in the Cupboard comes to the rescue!"

Stark: "It can't beeeee! You're deeeeead!"
Mike: "No, I'm nooooot!"

"And believe me, Death does NOT pony up for gas!"

"And dawn SLAMS up!"

"Not really 'Riding With Death' at the moment is it?"
"No, more 'Riding With Slight Abrasions'."

"Hi Banana Foldover!"

"Wine and tapas for everyone!"

"For some reason this movie was popular with Hispanic lesbians and elderly black women."

"Who are you? Just leave!"

"I hate being badgered by pharmacists!"

"You can only use this if you leave Robert Denby alone."

"They don't call me Carl for nothin'."

"Boy I hope it never stops being the seventies or I'll be in trouble."

Ben Murphy: "All I could say is, 'What the hell happened to me?'"
Mike: "But then I said, 'Hey, that's cool. But rap with me!'"

"Ben Murphy is Assumed into Heaven."

[–] yesterdaysman_2000 18 years ago

"I'm on your ass...I'm on your ass.."

Denby: Here's out patsy now..Billy
Crow: Yes Vanilli

Denby: Well, what I really had in mind was a gas man on the pit crew. Ok?
Sam: Anything's alright with me
Crow: I can fart up a storm.

PA: Our next contestant is Buffalo Bill
Crow: Actually it's more like Calamity Jane

Heclkers in the crowd: Whoooooaaa
Crow: Hey cut it out there brother-cousin

Sam behind the bar, Servo: Pete Duel, forgive me, I defile your memory.

Heckler: Come 'on Buffalo finish the song.
Crow: See crackers and hicks CAN get along.
Mike: He's gonna sing again, what was the entire point of the fight!

Denby: Wouldn't have any trouble with your ethics there would you Leonard?
Driscol: None, turkey!
Crow: Yeah, well sit on it, you nerd!

Buffalo jumping in to save Sam, Crow: Super Cracker!
Servo: And he completely misses the action.

Sam and Buffalo laughing after the fight, Mike: They didn't charge us for the hushpuppies.
Crow: I got a lacerated kidney!
Buffalo: We look like we been stomped on, and hung up with....
Servo in a hick voice: Dixie flags...catfish..and Lynard Skynard

Buffalo: Whooee, my old buddy Lazy Rider's a secret agent!
Crow: I pooped my drawers I'm so excited.

Buffalo says something unrecognizable while driving the car away, Mike: New England Journalist?
Servo talking loudly: I know what you mean about New England Journalists. But I feel that journalists in many regions have their own distinctive style. Take for example the liberal leanings of your Alan Goodman...oh hang on a sec.

Mike: No..no I see your point, but don't you believe that journalists are becoming more similar as the regions themselves become less distinct?
Servo: I disagree.

Buffalo singing to Sam: Thank you Sam
Mike: You're welcome dork

Sam: That was really good.
Buffalo: You really liked it?
Sam: Uh yeah, I really liked it. Sure beats your fighting.
Servo: And your talking, and your whooping and the way you chew and your breathe.

Credits rolling, Crow: An Executive Story Consultant?
Servo: Yes I advise you to hire the most annoying cracker you can find and slam together two incomprehensible stories.

Crow: Not THE H.G Wells, Hud Gomer Wells.
Mike: All characters depicted are really stupid and disgusting.
Servo: Any similarities to actual persons would be really sad.

[–] picaqasag 15 years ago

wow, you got all the good ones!!! love your screen name!!! that girl could not act to save her life

[–] Pravus_Prime 16 years ago

"Shouldn't have taken the Ny-Quil before the race!"

"Technicolor would like to apologize for it's use in the film."

[–] scherscb 18 years ago

Telephone: Air Swiss...
Mike: To order Toblerone, press 1.

Mike [as Buffalo]: WHOOOOWEE- ohhh it's inappropriate...

Mike: Central Moving and Storage...Mention "Riding with Death" and get three free packing blankets...

[–] 18 years ago

[deleted]

[–] summer1967lovechild 17 years ago

Hell, just about all of them. This was one of the show's finest episodes, in my opinion.

My mind is not for rent to any god or government.

[–] flyingtrout 17 years ago

"Et tu, Billy Bob?"

"We'd like you to consider scientology!"

[–] flobiwan-1 17 years ago

Mike: Gotta be at my Ben Murphiest.

Cracks me up every time I hear it.

Also, the whole 70s/50s song bit.

Fredd

[–] TheGoodMan19 17 years ago

"I have become Death, the destroyer of portable radios."

The Man in Black fled across the desert and the Gunslinger followed.

[–] bechjo33 17 years ago

My favorite part is the entire runaway rig scene, where Crow gets way out of line (again) with his sexual innuendo. But nobody has quoted the part leading up to that...
Buffalo Bill is explaining that the runaway rig has to make it through some hairpin turns before there is a straight-away:

Buffalo Bill: Ain't nobody ever made it doin' over 30. What's your speed?
Crow: 170, is that a problem?

Damnit, I'm at work and now I'm sneaking peeks at this episode on YouTube.
SciFi needs to start playing old episodes again.

[–] JimD1701 17 years ago

"I'm doing naked burpees back here, Sam."

The threat of terrorism can't be ignored anymore!http://USAWakeUp.org/

[–] GazHack 17 years ago

After passing a road sign warning about sharp turns:
"Extreme mellowness suggested."

"Mel - low - out!"

"We just want to see your visible panty line."

"He's really clumsy when he's invisible isn't he?"

"Ahh she's coming out of her pupae."

[–] brunicas 16 years ago

Why frankly I'm surprised you didn't notice I was Ben Murphy.

Keep on truckin, peace, Ben Murphy.

Yep, think I'm going to do me a pinch hit, put on some Deep Purple, and get this top secret government project underway.

I think I'm gonna get me a mood ring.

It's stop and go slow and go over the top secret government project today.

Trick-or-treat for pantsuits.

Sam, my patent papers.

I don't think you look like Gavin Mccloud.

My glasses are filthy!

The...Long and...Winding....Road

Were they butterballs?

There's a lot of bag switchin' going on, well I'm sure you know what you're doin'.

How fast you goin? 150, is that a problem?

SLUG BUG! Now Mike, that was a Karmenghia!

I also like when Servo sings his song in the middle:
Do you remember the 50's, when emporor claudius died.
or
Back in the funky ole 70's vesuvious blew it's top...

[–] Adler-99 16 years ago

"Remember -- when riding with death, buckle up."

[–] Kidtuf 16 years ago

Anna when she's in the sack: "Mmmm,mmmm"
Servo: "Delicious"

[–] poorlittleteacher 16 years ago

"You're as elusive as Robert Denby!"

Mike (laughingly, since nobody's heard that name up to this point): "Who..?"

[–] caitlinunderscore 16 years ago

(Casey's bike swerves a bit)
Mike: Ehhh!

Servo: Give me my comic books!

Driscol: Dr. Hale will ride in here along with the tripolodine-
Crow: -some pretzels!
Driscol: -and his special equipment.

Some Gal Abby: Gasoline!
Crow: That's the common fuel I was trying to think of!

Mike: I'll be your candle and a pile of paperrrs!

(Out of place horns sound)
Servo: The King approaches!

Servo: Come on, Lunch! Come on!
Secretary: It's Lawrence on six.
Crow: Aw, crap.

Stark: No way, my girl. Now way.
Mike: Just curds.

Crow: Yeah, so in the TRUCK then, thanks.

Some dude: Dr. Hale says to tell you that this bag isn't even his.
Stark: Let me see that.
Crow: Yep, "Not Even His", says it right here.

Crow: Fade-away Jerk Handshake

Servo: Bye Sack-a-ha...I mean Sam!

Stark: Chopper's out back.
Dr. Hale: Good let's get going.
Mike: YEAH, I know the plan.

Dr. Hale: I wonder how Intersect's going to feel when they learn that Dr. Hale together with all his secrets for Tripolodine have been blown sky hiiigh...
Servo: Heh, probably not that good. Heh heh.

(Phone rings)
Mike: Front of the truck!
Casey: Lazy Rider to Big Daddy!
Driscol: Now cut that out, Sam!
Crow: It hurts me!

Casey: Luthor Stark?
Mike: Of the Stark Nakeds?

Casey: Could that be a phoney name?
Driscol: No, no, no, no.
Servo: Nnonononononononononononono.

Driscol: Hold it Sam, hold it. I just got a teletype. Muhahahhah..
Mike: This is so naughty!
Servo: Muahahaha ahahahahahha hahahaaa.

Abby: Sam!
Servo: You made the pants too long!
(Abby continues to bang on the truck, yelling)
Servo: Reeeooowww!
Mike: Paaaaaaaants!

Casey: ABBY!
Servo: I need more pudding!
Crow: Some sort of hang-up!

Black Bart: He's gone! Must be a hidey-hole in there somewhere!
Mike: Makes me wanna throw myself on to the ground!

Servo: Sure just take your half out of the middle!

Crow: Eh whatever, I don't get the seventies.

Crow: Oh, he's mellow but cunning.

Mike: You know, a steep grade for him would be like, a C+. Know what I'm sayin'?
Crow: Good one, Mike.

Mike: D-d-d-stuff that's not exciting at all, just trucking like it's been for the past hour-d-d-d-d-d.

Mike: Drained and satisfied, I'm tracin' lazy circles on your supercab.
Crow: You said I was bad...
Mike: You inspired me.

Crow: Alright, I'm comin' in and I'm Ben Murphy.

Mike: I need P.S.S.S.T.!

Driscol: OPTI-CAL IL-LUSIONNNNN-A.
Crow: NNNNNNNNNNN-A.

Abby: Oh sure Sam, that crackerbox is a push-over!
Mike: 'Kay, who wants their butt kicked first?

Servo: Ride! Ride like the demon who knows your dreeeeam reeeoowww..

(Casey, Roll a Tina and Bill are all talking at once)
Crow: Shut up, everybody SHUT UP!

Driscol: Oh, poor guy my eye!
Mike: Ooh.

Servo: Hey it's Andy Kaufman!
Mike: Thankyouverymuch, you are so stupid..

Mike as Buffalo Bill: America for Americans, let's send all Indians back to Africa!

Servo: Is this on every station?!

Abby: That's the way to do it Sam!
Servo: As long as nobody knocks over the tiny hot-dogs and cocktail sauce!

Servo: All this and no tape deck?!

(Buffalo Bill smashes a glass of water)
Crow: The TRIPOLODINE -oh wait, that's...