Plums

Me mummy had a fruiterer
The finest ever seen
His fruit was fresh and firm and hard
And for the most part clean
The ladies came from far and near
To sample his supply
But when the mums reached for his plums
The fruiterer would cry

OH
You can touch me berries
But you must not touch me plums
You can touch me cherries
But be careful with those thumbs
Squeeze me limes a thousand times
From now till winter comes
I beg you each enjoy a peach
But please don't touch me plums
He was very very sensitive about his bloomin' plums

A titled lady came one day
She had a strange request
She'd promised some plum puddin'
To a very royal guest
I understand your plums sir
Are inordinately large
I'll feel a few and if it's true
I don't care what you charge

NOW
You can touch me apples
Me bananas and me pears
These nectarines, these tangerines
And all me other wares
The Queen's own guard could ride up hard
With sabres, plumes and drums
And I'd salute. Say have a fruit
But please don't touch me plums
He was very very sensitive about his bloomin' plums

OH
You can grope me cantaloupe
And I won't hardly mind
Ask to stroke me artichoke
Or anything you find
Act like felons with me melons
And we'll still be chums
Try some of those. Try some of these
I beg you all on bended knees
I've got so much for you to squeeze
So please don't touch me plums!



"If you don't take risks, you'll have a wasted soul." - Drew Barrymore

I'll never forget that scene! Classic!