The Devil's Rain - A Review

This is a review of "The Devil's Rain" I wrote in 2004. Enjoy!
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Saw "The Devil's Rain" finally on friday. For years I've heard of this example of cinema sleezeloaf, and I have to say, it was every bit as bad as expected.

Not as bad as "Barn of the Blood Llama" - it takes a lot to get that bad.

However, any movie that stars Ernest Borgnine, Tom Skerrit, Eddie Albert, William Shatner, Ida Lupino, Keenan Wynn, and John Travolta, isn't going to be exactly great cinema. You would expect wooden acting.

And you'd be right. The acting ranges though the entire line of wood products, from "Plywood" to "Cardboard", with side trips into particle board. Only Borgnine turns in a good performance, chewing up the lines and stage in a way that makes you wonder how much he's enjoying himself in this role. Then again, with both Borgnine and Shatner in this movie, it's amazing if there's any scenery in it that doesn't have tooth marks.

You also get the idea that the "technical advisor", Anton LaVey, was laughing all the way to the bank, at the load of utter crap he tossed into it.

The movie opens in a rainstorm. Mrs. Preston and Mark Preston (Lupino and Shatner) are waiting for Mr. Preston to come back. He does, but with blank holes where his eyes have been and melting in the rain. Before Mr. Preston goes out like a candle, he tells his wife and son that Corbis wants "the book". Mark goes off for a bit, and comes back to find the house ransacked, Mrs. Preston missing, and their family retainer injured.

Mark drives off into an old ghost town named Redstone, there met by Jonathan Corbis, (a smiling, happy Ernest Borgnine). Corbis wants the book that one of Mark's ancestors stole centuries before, Mark says no go unless Corbis releases his mother. So Corbis offers a challenge of faith to Mark. If Mark wins, he keeps the book and gets his mom back. If he loses, Corbis gets the book and Mark. With that in mind, Mark goes off to watch afternoon service at First Satanic Church of Redstone (Bakersfield Synod).

Corbis comes out in full red robes and smiling, executing an amazingly fast lesser sigil of the banishing pentagram. He either practiced this well, or Mr. Borgnine has been hanging around the occult section of Hollywood. Corbis starts to talk about a man called Martin Fife, as Black-Eyed Zombie worshippers come in, including Mrs. Preston. In this battle of the hams, Borgnine and Shatner actually restain their usual impulses to go into complete hystronics. It seems that Mark's faith requires a gun as backup, and he starts shooting. Corvis scornfully says "Is that your faith?", and prevails. Mark, losing his faith and seeing his mother has become a Black-Eyed Zombie, runs out, but has his protective amulet turned into a snake and is captured.

Meanwhile, Mark's brother Tom, and his wife Julie, (Skerritt and Joan Prather) is helping Dr. Sam Richards, (Eddie Albert), in an ESP experiment. Finding out that his family has disappeared, Tom and Julie go off to the ghost town, ignoring the Sherrif's warnings, (Keenan Wynn). While in route to the town, a shirtless Mark, (Hey, it's William Shatner, of course he's going to be without a shirt sooner or later), is being tortured by Corbis, who is attempting to draw into Mark the soul of Martin Fife. However, by the time Tom and Julie arrive, the church is vacant. While they're investigating inside, they hear an explosion and are treated to seeing their car on fire.

About this point, back inside the church, Tom and Julie are attacked by yet another Black-Eyed Zombie worshipper. After knocking him over, Julie gets a vision. Seems that back in the 1600's, Corvis was the leader of a group of Satanic Pilgrims. However, the book that all his followers signed has been stolen by the wife of Martin Fife, (Julie in a previous life, just like Mark was Martin in a previous life.) Mrs. Fife turns in the book to the local minister, who goes off to route out Corbis and crew. Corbis curses Fife and his line, but they appearently end up keeping the book of names as a nifty consolation prize.

With the flashback out of the way, Julie and Tom find Mark's car. Julie attempts to get help while Tom goes off to rescue Mark. By this time, Corbis has managed to torture Mark's soul out of his body and Martin's soul in to his body, turning Mark/Martin into yet another Black-Eyed Zombie worshipper. This causes Shatner to recite his lines in an even slower monotone than he usually does.

Meanwhile, what looks like a Black-Eyed Zombie's head on a stick pops up in the back seat of the car Julie is driving, causing her to crash. Somehow Mark ends up back at the family house

At the climax of the ceremony, the devil takes over Corbis. Now, if you thought that Ernest Borgnine in red satin ritual robes was a bad enough mental image, you get treated to seeing Ernest Borgnine as the devil himself. AGGGGGHHHH THE HORROR!!! THE HORROR!!!

Meanwhile, help has arrived, in the form of Dr. Sam Richards. Tom and the good Doctor find the book of Corvis and decide the best thing to do is go back into the ghost town with the book and rescue Mark and Julie and his mother and their dog and cat presumably. They get back into town and rummage around the church, eventually finding hell's own bell jar. Looking like a portable TV that was found in the electronics department of Hot Topic, this bottle holds the souls of all those trapped by Corbis. Seems Corbis can't deliver these souls to satan unless he has the book as well. I would guess the book contains the FedEx account number for Hades. Showing a level of intellegence that would be considered sub-par for your average plankton, Tom and Sam decide to leave the book of Corbis on the altar and drag off the bottle instead. In the process, they're attacked by the sherrif, who has been turned into Yet Another Black-Eyed zombie.

However, this struggle has slowed them down to the point that the cultists, along with Julie, (who they plan to use as altar decor). This forces Tom and Sam to run and hide upstairs. Still Another Black-Eyed Zombie, Danny, (played by John Travolta in his first movie role. Blink and you'll miss him), finds the book and brings it to Corvis. Corvis does the happy satanic dance and orders his horde of Black-Eyed Zombie cultists to prepare for a celebration. This is marred when they find that the jar of souls is gone. In the insuing melee, Tom and Sam are captured by the Black-Eyed Zombie cultists, and Corvis tells Black-Eyed Zombie Mark to bring him the jar of souls.

After a long wrestle with his remaining humanity, Black-Eyed Zombie Mark throws the jar to the ground, releasing the Devil's Rain and causing the Black-Eyed Zombie cultists to take a long time melting like candles in the wind. After a good 15 minutes of watching the Black-Eyed Zombie cultists melt into multicoloured wax, Tom, Julie, and Sam escape in time to see the church blow up. The nightmare, (at least for the watcher) over, Tom and Julie hug and kiss.....

....or is it over, as the viewer is treated to a smiling Ernest Borgnine in drag, cackling while in Tom's arms and wearing Julie's clothes. (AGGGGGHHHH THE HORROR!!! THE HORROR!!!) Seems that Corbis got another jar of souls at Hot Topic, and Julie is now inside, waiting to be sent off to Hades......

With a cast like that, you expected a horrid movie, and it delivers such. Borgnine has entirely too much fun in this movie, and it shows in every scene he's in. Eddie Albert also does a decent job, but the remaining cast shows the same range of emotions and acting ability that you would expect from a bowl of cold oatmeal. Still, a classic of bad cinema.