You too can write a Rockford Files ep.

Goes something like this.

Some acquaintance of Rockford (or past cellmate or friend of his dad Rocky) hires him under false pretenses. While Rockford is clueless, he is followed by two large middle-aged white guys in a sedan and ends up being shot at, punched in the stomach or face, or abducted by them.

Rockford quickly recovers from his beatings.

Eventually the situation becomes clear to Rockford just minutes before the end of the show. And everyone lives happily ever after.