I'll start:
Stirlitz skloninsya nad kartoy. Ego rvalo na rodinu.
Please post more!
I`v got a better one -
Stirlitz shel po koridoru. Mimo nego pronessa Muller.
"Proneslo" podumal Strilitz.
"Tebya by tak proneslo !" podumal Muller.
- or -
Iz okna dulo. Stirlitz zakril okno. Dulo izchezlo.
Please, translate for us poor non-Russians! :)
BTW - I saw "Seventeen Moments" on Italian TV back in 1981, and I really liked it.
LSigno, unfortunately most Stirlitz jokes are based on puns and word games, and simply aren't funny in translation. For example, the one I posted above is:
Stirlitz leaned over the map. He yearned for his homeland.
See? I told you, it's not funny in English...
(In Russian "yearned" is the same word as "puked")
However, several Stirlitz jokes which did survive translation are spread throughout this web page:
http://www.sovlit.com/spies/17moments.html
Thank you Pomidor, the link on Soviet literature was incredibly interesting!
shareStirlitz shel po Blumen Strasse, navstre4u esmu shli shljuhi.
"Shljuhi," - podumal Stirlitz.
"Stirlitz," - podumali shljuhi.
Shtirlitz prishel domoi, a tam ego zhdut nemtsy
Shtirlitz zalez v karman
"Eto konets..." podumal Shtirlitz.. "A gde zhe togda pistolet?"
Shtirlitz nastoyal na svoem - nastoika vyshla nekrepkay i nevkusnaya.
shareSchtirlitz shyol po ulitse Berlina, vse ludi obraschali na nego vnimanie.
"Chto zhe menya vidayot" - Podumal Schtirlitz "moy parashut ili moya budyonovka...?"
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http://badnews.2ya.com
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Stirliz nastoyal na svoyom.
Nastoyka poluchilas gorkaya i vonyuchaya.
Well, I think it is the funniest ^-).
Muller is talking with Stirliz. Muller decide to say a joke:
-Stirliz, you are Jewish!
-Oh no, Muller, I'm Russian!!!
There are also others, sorry for poor translation...
Stirliz went to the forest for mushrooms but didn't find anything.
-Yeah... Seems my luck leaves me.
He said...
And falls into snow.
Stirliz saw a homeless dog near his house.
-Oh you poor, let me feed you.
Stirliz said, giving a dog some gas (benzin) to drink.
After drinking dog made a few steps & falls down.
-Ran of fuel - Stirliz thought...
Stirliz got his sallary. He counts money.
-1020, 1021, 1022, 1023...
-1024 KB memory OK - Stirliz thought.
Muller, been glad that he at last have found proofs against Stirliz calls him.
-Stirliz, tell me right now why your documents are smelling with russian vodka!!!
-Well... It is because of Kaltenbruner (one of the officials in the film).
-That is how 8-|?
-That's cos when he was putting a stamp on my documents he was making like this.
Stirliz breathe intensivly on an imagenable stamp in his hand and put it on his passport.
Muller calls Stirliz.
-Stirliz, you are busted!!!
-Realy? And whats happened?
-Your fingerprints were found on the ass of Eva Braun! Now, how are you going to explain this?
-Don't worry Muller, I WILL explain this. But how you will explain, how did YOU FIND THEM!
Some time this anecdote continues:
-Oh, Stirliz. I'm always was sorry, that you are not working for me.
Have fun ;-).
A knock on the door.
"That must be Mueller," thinks Stirlitz.
"Yes, it's me," thinks Mueller.
'Ello, Beastie!
Stirlitz is drinking tea in a restaurant. Someone says:
- Stirlitz, you are a Russian spy!
- How do you know?
- You's left your teaspoon in your cup.
Stirlitz swiftly goes away to another restaurant, orders more tea, stirs sugar, is sure to put his teaspoon on the table... Still, someone:
- Stirlitz, you are a Russian spy!
- How do you know?
- You are closing your right eye as if there is a teaspoon in your cup.
Stirlitz wakes up in a prison cell with a heavy hangover. He does not remember at all what happened the previous evening, and why he was arrested.
"Where am I?" - he thought. "Who caught me, Russians or Nazis?..."
Suddenly, he hears someone walking towards his cell.
"I have an idea. When a German soldier enters, I'll announce myself as Stirlitz. If it is a NKWD or Red Army soldier, I'll say I'm Colonel Isayev".
A militia serviceman enters:
"Comrade Tichonov! How could you behave like that? Such a famous actor! The kids are watching you! And you got drunk in a restaurant and insulted other guests! Shame on you, comrade Tichonov!"
(Tichonov was the actor who played Stirlitz in the series.)
This is not a signature.
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Hmmm cranes, thought Stirliz.
Hmmm Stirliz, thought the cranes... :D
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Stirliz opened the door and the light came on. He closed the door and the light turned off. Hmmm, a refrigerator, thought Stirliz.
I'm not sure if it sounds as funny in english...
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