MovieChat Forums > Love Story (1970) Discussion > tell the patient, not her husband

tell the patient, not her husband

posted 13 years ago by dorisblake
20 replies | jump to latest

i had to pause this movie real quick and come on here. i should know better than to do that before finishing since the movie's been kind of spoiled now even though it's kind of obvious what's going to happen but anyway!

what's with the doctor lying to jenny and telling her husband she was dying and leaving her in the dark?! i'm pretty sure that's against the law. was it not back then? pretty ridiculous. i mean...what the hell. honestly.

just wanted to comment on that, now back to the movie.

[–] phoebe4353 13 years ago

A lot of things were different back then. Not sure if lying to the patient while giving the husband the truth was illegal, but patient privacy was not around. You could call in and ask about someone, and say you were a relative, and they would tell you what was going on. Privacy laws came later. I think not telling a patient they were dying was seen as an act of mercy, but that's just my thought.

[–] AltaireIII 13 years ago

"what's with the doctor lying to jenny and telling her husband she was dying and leaving her in the dark?! i'm pretty sure that's against the law. was it not back then? pretty ridiculous. i mean...what the hell. honestly. "

1970 - women were Chattle. Men all but owned their wives. I can totaly see a husband being told the truth and a wife being lied too. What plans does a housewife need to make? After all she's only a housewife? Sexist attitudes were far worse than they are now.

[–] megmarch2003 13 years ago

It used to be that way for pretty much everyone. My great-aunt had cancer back in the mid-70s and the family never told her. She was elderly, which may have made the difference, but I can remember her daughter-in-law telling my mom that the doctor told them not to even tell her. She died in a nursing home never really knowing. Or if she suspected, she never let on to the rest of us.

"You can't tell me nothin' if you ain't had an 8-track." -Sinbad

[–] Randy-144 12 years ago

It used to be that way for pretty much everyone. My great-aunt had cancer back in the mid-70s and the family never told her.

It's still that way in some cases. My mother died in 2000 at age 80 from lymphoma. My father noticed a swelling in her neck on June 1. After tests determined that the cancer had spread to her bone marrow she entered the hospital for chemotherapy on August 1. She died on August 15. The oncologist who treated my mother never told her what her chances of survival were nor did he tell my father either. I think that the doctor didn't want to go on record and offend us in case his guess was wrong. But when I heard that the cancer was in the bone marrow -- which is where the white blood cells are formed -- I knew she wasn't going to recover. When my brother asked me on August 1 (the day she left home for the last time and entered the hospital) how much longer I thought she would live, I said about two weeks. It turned out she died 14 days later.

When we visited my mother in the hospital she talked sometimes about her plans after she could return home. One time my father told me that she asked him, "Am I going to make it?" He didn't have the heart to tell her the truth; I guess he just said he didn't know. So, both doctors and loved ones are still reticent about telling the truth to someone who is a terminal case.

[–] TheAcadian 8 years ago

I'm a medical professional. The doctor should not have told Oliver before Jenny. It is not made clear why he didn't tell Jenny, but he could and should have told them, either Jenny first, or together.

[–] leader-7 8 years ago

Dear Doctor -- you might be a doctor but you lack a heart. I don't know how old you are or how long you've been in practice, but I can assure you from having lived through the deaths of very close relatives (all with different types of cancer) that they were never told of their situation in 1955, 1960, 1969. They were spared, so that they'd have a "reason to live" and not give up.

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[–] jack31961 13 years ago

"1970 - women were Chattle. Men all but owned their wives. I can totaly see a husband being told the truth and a wife being lied too. What plans does a housewife need to make? After all she's only a housewife? Sexist attitudes were far worse than they are now."

I think your attitude taints your objectivity.

They were not told because they were deeply valued and loved. A loving husband would do anything to spare his wife the fear and anxiety such a diagnosis would bring.

I don't think a deeply loving relationship is sexist.

[–] suzycreamcheese1 13 years ago

well said.

RIP Heath Ledger 1979-2008

[–] grumpy_otter 11 years ago

They were not told because they were deeply valued and loved. A loving husband would do anything to spare his wife the fear and anxiety such a diagnosis would bring.

I don't think a deeply loving relationship is sexist.

As Jenny might say, "Bullsh!t." If it were the husband who was kept in the dark about his condition you wouldn't think that was because he was "deeply valued and loved."

Barf. Keeping this kind of truth from anyone is a cruel and selfish act. It's how a parent would treat a child, not how any adult should be treated.

[–] Tommen_Forever 7 years ago

Married women also weren't allowed to open credit cards under their own names in 1970. Marriage was contractual slavery back then.

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Live Deliciously! http://bit.ly/2gD7xFP

[–] JaneThree 7 years ago

Supposedly Rex Harrison never told his wife Kay Kendall that she had leukemia. I think not telling the patient often protects the family more than the patient. Nobody has to talk about it. Everybody can pretend. Nobody has to deal with the patient's reaction. Particularly if the patient is young they're going to know, but then they can't share their feelings about it because the family or the spouse hasn't had the courage to tell them, so they might start protecting them themselves.

[–] PetuniaPet 13 years ago

It's only been very relatively recently that so many treatments exist for many cancers (and as other pointed out, privacy laws are very different now). So yes, family members were told of a fatal illness and the patient was told little to nothing since there was little to nothing to be done and death was usually only a few months away. It happened regardless of the gender or age of the patient. And thank heavens that the Hospice movement gained a lot of momentum in the 70's, which DID involved the patient in the decision-making process.

Jenny had leukemia but there are different types so one presumes she had one that had few medical options.

[–] 13 years ago

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[–] edrebber 12 years ago

They both went in for testing to find out why they could not conceive a child. The doctor hadn't told either one the results until Oliver came in for an appointment and asked directly. Oliver assumed he had some condition that was preventing them from conceiving a child, so Jennifer was not with him. The doctor did tell Jennifer eventually.

[–] 12 years ago

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[–] susanemccool 11 years ago

"They were not told because they were deeply valued and loved. A loving husband would do anything to spare his wife the fear and anxiety such a diagnosis would bring."

Sorry, but not my familial experience! "Just keep the little lady in good spirits." Never mind if there might be something important she wanted to tell someone at the end, or a final experience she wanted to have. These were "manly" concerns.

[–] Prismark10 11 years ago

That scene where the husband is told and not the patient looks damn right weird!

Its that man again!!

[–] ebersole 9 years ago

Neil Simon describes an almost identical real-life situation. When his first wife, Joan, was diagnosed with terminal cancer, he was also told by the doctor to keep it a secret from her. He describes it in detail in his memoir, "Rewrites".

Dave

[–] Otter (24464) a year ago

In Lili Palmer's memoir, she talked about how her first husband, Actor Rex Harrison, dumped her for the enchanting actress Kay Kendall. Kendall was diagnosed with Leukemia at a young age, and Harrison was told, and NOT Kendall. Harrison used to call Palmer to dump his feelings on her, which is how she knew more about a young woman's health than the young woman herself.

That was common in those days, people with terminal and incurable diseases were frequently told nothing, it was thought to be too, TOO, cruel to tell them the hopeless truth, so doctors lied and encouraged families to lie. Or at least, doctors lied and encouraged families to lie to women, I never heard of a doctor keeping a man in the dark and telling his wife the truth.