Just shoot him already!

Blofeld has the suspicious astronaut brought to his command center. It's Bond.

Common sense: "Well just shoot him already!"

Blofeld: "Nah; I want to make him watch as I blow up that American ship, rub it in his face and all that."

Common sense: "Okay, fine, whatever."

Blofeld: "Oh crap, Bond just shot one of my henchmen with a cigarette. Now dozens of ninjas are streaming in and killing everyone."

Common sense: "See? You've spared him for half a minute and he's already foiling your plans! SHOOT HIM ALREADY!"

Blofeld: "Hmm... no. I'm sure my guys will totally pwn these ninjas. And I REALLY want to make Bond watch as I start World War III."

Common sense: "Could you be any more vain?"

Blofeld: "Oh hush. I can have a little fun on the -- ACK! My command center is falling apart because of those lousy ninjas. I better evacuate."

Common sense: "What about Bond?"

Blofeld: "Who?"

Common sense: "That guy that caused all those ninjas to show up? The guy who foils your plans, like, every other week?"

Blofeld: "Oh, him. What about him?"

Common sense: "You can't force him to watch you take over the world if your command center is destroyed."

Blofeld: "Uh huh..."

Common sense:"Which was the only reason you were keeping him alive..."

Blofeld: "Okay..."

Common sense:"Perhaps now would be a good time to shoot him."

Blofeld: "Hmm… no, I don't think so. Come on, Bond, let's take a walk with this useless businessman Osato and my big mute lunk of a bodyguard."

Common sense: "What? You're going on a walk with Bond? What for?"

Blofeld: "Because I'm escaping. Those ninjas are really kicking my guys' butts."

Common sense: "BUT YOU HAVE NO REASON TO KEEP BOND ALIVE ANY MORE. WHY ARE YOU TAKING HIM--"

Blofeld: "La la la la la! I can't hear you! I'm walking! Walkies walkies with Bond!"

Common sense: "Man you are so bloody retar--"

Blofeld: "Hey, Hans, hand me that gun. Hey look at this! I'm pointing a gun at Bond now! See, I'm going to shoot him! Here it comes!"

Common sense: "About time! Now hurry up and do it!"

**BLAM**

Blofeld: "Wah ha ha! I just shot Osato! Boy, you should see the look on your face! Now come on, Mr. Bond, follow me."

Common sense: "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!? Why didn't you shoot Bond too? Are you TRYING to fail?"

Blofeld: "Oh get off my back. I like walking with Bond. It's fun."

Common sense: "Wait... I get it. You've got a thing for Bond, don't you? You're planning on taking him with you to your escape pod and back to your other secret fortress, where you're going to oil him up and--"

Blofeld: No! NO NO NO! YOU'RE WRONG! I'll prove it! See? Now I'm at my escape monorail! And now, now that there's no more ninjas to watch, no more corridors to walk down, I'm really, REALLY going to shoot Bond!

Common sense: "Actually you aren't, because that ninja buddy of his just sunk a shuriken in your arm."

Blofeld: "Ouch! Oh well, Bond's getting away. I guess I should have used one of those nine hundred opportunties I had in the last ten minutes and shot Bond then. But I've learned my lesson, you can rest assured! The next time I have Bond at my mercy, I'm going to shoot him on sight!"

Common sense: "Guess what, bonehead: you're going to do the exact same thing for three more movies. And then he's going to kill you."

Blofeld: "Boy I suck."