The Sixties

Crow: Joel, could you tell us about this thing called the sixties?
Tom: Yeah, I'm amused and fascinated by such an environment that the
beautiful Creepy Girl existed in.
Joel: Well, I was just a little kid when it happened, but I could tell
you guys what I remember.
Tom: Okay.
Crow: Well, yeah, you're so much older than you're younger than that
now.
Joel: Yeah, whatever Crow. Anyway, Cambot, could you run that music?
Yeah, cool, okay.
Tom: Hey!
Joel: Well, it was a lot simpler time back then, you know, like, I'll
give you an example. Like, it wasn't uncommon for your mom to come and
serve you a great big char-broiled steak while she smoked and drank a Tab
and made your dad another Manhattan for the road, and that was just
breakfast!
Tom: Oh, go on!
Joel: Yeah, there were seat belts in cars but nobody used 'em,
pre-sweetened cereals, subliminal messages, people smoked openly on the
Tonight Show!
Crow: Hey, tell us about the Rat Pack again.
Joel: Oh, okay. Well, as you know, Frank Sinatra was the Chairman of
the Board, and everybody else filed on in line except for Jerry Lewis. He
had had a falling out with Dean Martin and they already had chosen Joey
Bishop to be their comic relief already, so he was kind of out of luck.
But Dean was tall and tan and quick with a song, and he just had to say
the word and cuckoo chicks would file on up to the hospitality suite and
massage Peter Lawford's neck and make everybody groovy drinks while they
took important phone calls from places like Palm Springs and the White
House, until it was time for Frank Sinatra, the Chairman of the Board, to
come out of the sauna, and he'd say the words and the dollies would go
take a nap.
Tom: Oh, tell us about the rabbits, Joel!
Crow: Yeah, that's a good one. Love that!
Joel: Meanwhile, in the Windy City, Hugh Hefner was cooking up his
own groovy scene in the aptly named Playboy Mansion.
Tom: Yeah!
Crow: Oh, wow!
Joel: There was George Kennedy and George Hamilton, and Tony
Curtis and Bill Bixby were all in his court, sophisticated men who knew
their racket-
Crow: I think he's swingin' into high!
Joel: And they were classy swingers all! Yeah, anyway, and there was
like Twiggy and Abby, and Peter, Paul, and Mary, Dion, Donovan, Melanie,
Abraham, Martin, and John-
Crow: So they just went by their first names like that?
Joel: Yeah, like you, Crow!
Crow: Hey!
Joel: And there were typewriters, but nobody used 'em, and women were
called girls!
Tom: Wow!
Joel: And businessmen wore double breasted suits, had double chins,
drank double bourbons, straight, no chaser-
Tom: Cool!
Joel: -before, during, and after important business meetings and
summit talks! Everybody believed what the President said - why shouldn't
they? Sexually provocative humor wasn't on TV, it was on cocktail
napkins, and we liked it that way! Toys had metal edges and little pieces
that were breakable and would fit in your mouth! They would take and make
playground equipment out of stainless steel, then haul it up onto asphalt
where you could get hurt!
Crow: Ouch!
Joel: Parents were actually told to spank their kids! Why, my mom
actually made me go and get the belt, you know, in front of company, and
that was really frustrating because once they made me take a bath in the
front yard!
Tom: Joel! Joel! Joel! Joel! Why can't you be like everyone else and
just remember the good things about the sixties?
Crow: Yeah! Like Woodstock!
Joel: Oh, Woodstock. Great, okay. "No, Joel, you can't go to
Woodstock, you're nine years old. We're going to the opening of the new
Century store. Oh yeah, in Echo Lane. Three days of peace, love, and
pizza rolls! We're gonna buy you a shopping cart for your birthday!"
Tom: Uh, Joel's in a lot of pain. We'll be right back.
Joel: Oh, boy. Peter Max moved freely among men. Oh, did I mention
there were drugs at that time? And then-
Crow: Yeah.