Joe Friday Zingers


"He was hit 6 times with a claw hammer. The first two killed him."
"The next 4 changed his personality."

"Steal a poor man's ring. What kind of a person would do that?"
"The same kind that would beat him to death with a claw hammer."

"You got nice eyes...for a cop."
"And I'll bet your mother had a loud bark."

"He was hit in the stomach by 2 shotgun blasts. The first one killed him."
"The second one turned him into a crowd."

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"Charlie was a part-time wino".

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"Who'd kill him, Sergeant? He didn't have an enemy in this world."
"He had one."

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"I didn't come here to listen to a punk who had a big breakfast!"

What does that even mean?!

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"He robbed somebody way back, but he forgot it all, the robbing and all."
"No not quite, he remembered it this morning."

It turned out that the guy was innocent of stealing a baby Jesus from the mission.
S2, Ep. 15

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"Women who can't keep an address and men who don't care."

Exactly what statement is Joe making about men?

Is he making a specific statement that men don't care that the women can't keep an address?

Or, is he making a somewhat general statement that men don't care about the women at all?

Or, could it be a totally general statement that the men don't care about anything at all, with the statement about men totally unrelated to the statement about the women?

Sometimes Joe talks on so high a level that us average morons can't figure out what the hell he's talking about.

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You were in a hurry the night you killed those two people! You're in a hurry now so that you can forget! Well, good luck. I hope it takes you the rest of your life!

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"Find out anything yet, Joe?

"She's dead and she was pretty."

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"My grandson has been fighting the devil all his life!!!"

"Looks like he lost."

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I liked this quote too because a few months ago a man killed a young boy as he was speeding his car down a neighborhood street here in Virginia, and the Alexandria policeman made a very similar quote to the young man driving the car and later said he had hear it on Dragnet.

Psalm 46:10

"Be still, and know that I am God."

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Audie's Mom: He's got everything -- everything he needs.
Friday: Does he?

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Teenage nut case Gerald Paulsen is running around with a hand grenade. Joe and Bill talk to one of his friends. He is sure Gerald wouldn't go to a certain party because there are a lot of big guys there.

"I'm sure Gerald wouldn't go there. Those guys are big, and a lot stronger than Gerald."
"No, Son. Not anymore."

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"You're gonna have to go to court Paulsen. Without this grenade!"
"Yeah?"
"See if you can scare the judge."

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"These two just made a simple mistake."

"What's that?"

"They thought they worked here."

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Murderer/credit card thief: "You made a mistake! And I'm not paying for it!"

Joe: "Ya gonna use a credit card?"

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Bookie: "why would anybody wanna be a cop?"

Joe: "Oh, I don't know. Why would anybody want a dead bull's ear?"

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Gypsy: " I've got a constitutional right to practice my religion. And my religion is fortune-telling!"

Joe: "I believe ya lady. You've got a big enough collection plate."

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In the hands of a disturbed adolescent,the hand grenade changed any odds Gerald Paulson had against him by "bigger guys." The grenade would be more than a match against them.

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I think it means that some men are picky about their pickups, other men not quite so much. Makes sense to me.

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Teenage Punk: "it was a great idea, man. We had a perfect society."

Joe: "it could never have worked."

Punk: "Why not?"

Joe: "You didn't have perfect people."

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Sometimes Joe talks on so high a level that us average morons can't figure out what the hell he's talking about


Another distinct possibility: you're a below average moron, LOL.

Just kidding! :)






Now if that bastard so much as twitches, I'm gonna blow him right to Mars.

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Where he's going there aren't any Misters only numbers

If a person with multiple personality s threatens to commit suicide, is that a hostage situation

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(Thug rises menacingly from chair)

"Unless you're growing, *SIDDOWN* !"

(Thug, cowed, subsides)

-Dragnet-1954, the movie

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He also used the same dialogue on an episode of the 60s version of Dragnet.

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Female burglary victim: "at least we can rule out our neighbors."
Joe Friday: "We still can't rule them out entirely."
Female burglary victim: "Why not?"
Joe Friday: "Even a burglar is someone's neighbor."

Dum-Dee-Dum-Dum

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Forest Ranger Imposter Clifford Ray Owens: (screaming) "what do I owe!, what do I owe!"

Joe: "A big apology to the US Forest Service."

Dum-dee-dum-dum

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Pill Guy With out of order vintage radio says something like "A lotta memories in that radio".

Friday(holding handful of capsules stuffed with narcotics that were stashed in radio): "You're wrong about one thing Fred -- not many memories in these." (lets them fall into bag).

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Right after the Clayton Fillmore sentencing. He ran down and killed two elderly pedestrians.

Bill: "Suspended sentence. Three years probation. $250 fine. Doesn't seem like much, does it?"

Joe: "Oh I don't know. That's $125 for each life."

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Sergeant Friday's reasoning is that true justice for Clayton Filmore's crime wasn't achieved in that courtroom. To say it's 125 for each life." This is sarcasm because Koe Friday valued life way more than tbat.

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"Unless you're growing, sit down" Hah-hah, that's a good one.

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"If the department doesn't care about the color of his skin, you d**n well see that you don't." - "I've handled jay walkers that were tougher than you!" - "You're pretty far out and groovy ain't you?"

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I've handled jay walkers that were tougher than you. - Jerry, you're as sharp as a marble. - You're real far out and groovy arn't you? - Three joints and a roach! - You loud mouthed punk- No lady we don't see. You're under arrest! - And Clayton Fillmore's long suffering wife: "He was in a hurry Sergeant." Friday: "He won't be anymore." Friday always got the last word, and it always summarized and topped of the entire episode.

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To Officer Phil Waverly, whom Joe was defending on a charge of taking a bribe:

"You don't need me. You need Clarence Darrow."

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Father: "Let's see, have I forgotten anything?" Friday: "How about your son?"

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Friday: "You're going to have a problem with that. Where you're going there are no misters. Mr. Daniel Lumis: "How's that?" Friday: "Just numbers."

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I have no idea if Webb took this seriously or was in on the joke dialogue. But I have the feeling he did believe a lot of this nonsense.

MD: How did you know he was on LSD Sgt?

Webb: He was chewing the bark off a tree.

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