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Stupid Conspiracy Theory Tricks

posted 9 years ago by cmashieldscapting
6 replies | jump to latest

Top Ten Stupidest President Kennedy Assassination Theories:

10. Oliver Stone did it knowing the subject would one day make a great movie. (His alibi was being in school halfway across the country—but he sure gained enough from it!)

9. The “umbrella man” theory: Louie Steven Witt appears in the Zapruder film, seemingly inexplicably raising a black umbrella on a sunny day. He was accused of using this to either signal marksmen, or to fire a poison dart concealed within the umbrella. Appearing before the House Select Committee on Assassinations, Witt, who still had the original umbrella and brought it as an exhibit, creating a light moment in the proceedings, stated that he actually had the umbrella to taunt JFK over the Kennedy family’s World War II Nazi ties.

8. a) The driver, William Greer, was in on it and slowed down to allow the gunman better aim. b) The driver himself turned and fired a gun which neither anyone else in the car, anyone watching on both sides of the road, or most of the millions who eventually saw the films by Abraham Zapruder and Orville Nix ever noticed.

7. James Files fired the final shot from the Grassy Knoll. (Update to the "Just when you think you've heard them all" file: apparently now some poor sucker has confessed! http://www.newsmax.com/Newsfront/Newsmax-TV-I-Killed-JFK/2014/11/13/id /607211/ )

6. Walt Disney had it done because he was angry that Kennedy liked Old Yeller better than Savage Sam. http://wikibomb.wordpress.com/2010/07/06/walt-disney-kennedy-assassin/

5. Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone.

4. Kennedy's wife Jackie had it done because she was angry about fill in the blank.

3. Every time I look this up, I hear a new one. Someone proposed that Scanners made Kennedy's head explode (as in the 1981 movie). http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/1018315-scanners/ If Jackie was one, I guess it could have been her.

2. Kennedy was not killed. At least one version has him removed from office while one has him surviving incapacitated on Aristotle Onassis’s private island.

1. Suicide.

[–] PrometheusTree64 9 years ago

All of which has zero to do with this landmark 1967 documentary from Mark Lane.

--

The most profound of sin is tragedy unremembered.

[–] cmashieldscapting 9 years ago

Well, good for him for not falling for any of this stuff! (Much of which probably wasn't thought of, considering a lot of great minds had to be hard at work for fifty years to come up with all that!)

[–] Jeorj Euler 7 years ago

1. Suicide.

It makes no sense that this one would be number one on the list.

[–] cmashieldscapting 7 years ago

That's the beauty of the list. Start with the improbable, move to the unlikely, end with the impossible!

[–] Jeorj Euler 7 years ago

But it's not so far fetched at all that he ignored all warnings against participating in a motorcade in Texas and without adequate security. As POTUS, there is now way he would've been blind to the risks.

[–] cmashieldscapting 7 years ago

The suicide reference was a joke, but JFK committed suicide pretty much the same way Phil Hartman did--walked (in Kennedy's case, rode) right into a terribly dangerous situation, ignoring all red flags, with supreme confidence a bad outcome would not happen to him. Neither pulled the trigger, but they failed to adequately protect themselves. A book called The Kennedy Curse proposed that the curse was self-inflicted--Kennedy ran such a lax ship the Secret Service thought everything was all one big party. Most if not all of the agents charged with guarding him had alcoholic drinks the night before the motorcade, when drinking on duty was grounds for dismissal. It is a matter of record who drank what, but none were punished, presumably as they felt bad enough already. Some were out till 3:00 a.m. partying and one was out as late as 5:00 a.m. drinking and doing drugs when they had to be on duty no later than 8:00 a.m. Also, Kennedy had requested or at least implied agents should keep at a distance so as not to block the public's view of him. Under the current rules, the president cannot tell the Secret Service where to be or what to do or not--it is a security matter determined by them. A lot of rules changed after the Kennedy assassination just like after the sinking of the Titanic.