MovieChat Forums > Agent for H.A.R.M. (1966) Discussion > Favorite MST3K Quotes

Favorite MST3K Quotes

posted 19 years ago by garbiedog
29 replies | jump to latest

I thought this episode was genius and there were so many awesome quotes, but here are some of my favorites:

"Tired of embarrassing sneg? Use Snegoff."

"Damn you, Shel Silverstein!"

"I am Mighty Elderly Man!"

"The traditional Running of the Clouseaus"

"Recorder music for young lovers"

"So, secret call?"

"Dad, Dad, I passed the bar"

"Voted Best Dressed Lab Tech"

"Drive while I do my grizzly bear impression"

"The old topknot seems to be in flames, old trench"

"Man, those Mexican banditos are bad!"

"He's pirating free tv"

"Gimmee that hundred you owe me or I'll break your darn kneecaps."

"My apologies for my odd performance"

Plus Bobo's Matlock-inspired opening statement during Mike's trial was awesome.

[–] scythe1138 19 years ago

Random Driving guy: (while shooting gun) Morning!

Mike (after camera inexplicably zooms in on clock): Oh no, its 11:22!!

Mike (mimicking Chance): Santa came down from heaven and made him better!

Servo (as Chance to Eva): Hi, don't touch the door.

Mike?: So he's basically a serial killer sanctioned by the government.

Servo: In its final days budget cuts reduced the Soviet army to one soldier

"My cats cradle got out of control so I pinned it to the wall."

"Hey! He copped a feel!"

Servo (as the electronic bug): No please, I'm just a pawn

Mike: Stop! Or your propeller will grind me into hamburger!

Crow: Boy, I hope I don't drive over any tequila bottles!

Mike: He walks directly to his right front tire on a hunch. . .

Mike: (after Prince henchman is shot in the mouth,bleeding) Gingivitis!

The line about the judo range was funny in itself.
I love when Mike touches Bobo after he drifts off during his defense and Bobo recoils and screams "AAAGH, GET AWAY FROM ME, MURDERER!!"

[–] luke_bannon 19 years ago

Mike: Stop! Or your propeller will grind me into hamburger!

Mike: Surrender or I shoot the garbage can!

Servo: Here's eye in your mud!

and all the cracks about the pocket wound.

ThE MaStER wOuLd NoT ApPrOvE- Torgo

[–] straker-1 16 years ago

"And pretend to lock the doorrrrrrr....and leave."

[–] Pineapples101 16 years ago

Day 2 of my cardigan. My funk overwhelms me.

[–] terryinwva 14 years ago

"My cats cradle got out of control so I pinned it to the wall."
always gets me too!

[–] philoj 7 years ago

Mike (after camera inexplicably zooms in on clock): Oh no, its 11:22!!

Freakishly, I was nodding off watching this, and this line woke me up - I looked at the clock and it was in fact 11:22. My sleep-fogged brain took far too long to figure out it was a coincidence.

--
Philo's Law: To learn from your mistakes, you have to realize you're making mistakes.

[–] MerlinTheCrackhead 19 years ago

"It might be my associate who brings you your suit because my body was just scissored in half."

"Five hours of staring at the window pays off."

"Meet me at the Judo Range."
"Bring your Aikido Rifle."

[–] tangsting 19 years ago

"I hate the outside, screw you outside."

"He's cashing a check. Dah-dah, dah-dah!!"

[–] garbiedog 19 years ago

Stefanek: "Would you like a drink?"
Chance: "Yes I would, thank you."
Servo: "Ensure or Boost?"

"Oh, so you get the new map channel."

Chance: "Apparently I haven't made myself clear enough."
Servo: "Therefore I will now expound on the basic premise at length."

Ava: "Are you coming, or do I swim alone?"
Crow: "Yes, and yes."

Chance takes swimtrunks out of drawer,
Mike: "Oh, you lucky trunks."
Crow: "Get ready to giftwrap a beautiful package!"

Chance writes Stefanek's name on paper, Crow narrates:
"Dear Medical Examiner, Put my friend in the best pail money can buy.
Well, looks like I'm running out of room! Best Wishes, Adam "Harm" Chance

I really think one of the best lines in all of MST3K history is during the opening credits
Crow rsponds to the name Marc Snegoff:
"Tired of embarrassing sneg? Use Snegoff"
Bill Corbett says that line so brilliantly

[–] jessedf 19 years ago

I think the best line has been overlooked by everyone. At the end as Ava gets taken away by police before she can make love to Chance, someone (crow?) shouts
"Do no H.A.R.M.", a spin on the hypocratic oath.

[–] Outer_Heaven 19 years ago

"My David Lynch hair, no!"

"We were just saying goodbye."-Ava
"...with our reproductive organs."-Crow

"He maintains an appliance, Duh-Duh-Da-Da!!!" Tom Servo (to the theme of James Bond)

"Do as your spy tells you."-Crow

"Old guy, there's another old guy here to see you."Tom Servo

"Drive!"

"Shut up or I'll shoot you in the other pocket!" Crow
"The spaz chop and the pocket wound was too much for the old man." Mike Nelson

"Goodbye old goo--uh friend."Tom Servo

"Let's get back to the Judo range."-Adam Chance
"Tomorrow we'll practice Skeet Kendo, and bring your Akido rifle too."-Crow

"It's my scoopable kitty litter clump collection." Mike Nelson

"Meeting his niece for lunch, Duh-Duh, Da, Da!!" (to the theme of James Bond)

[–] Outer_Heaven 19 years ago

"Special guest star? Special in what way?" Mike Nelson (reading credits)
"He's a "special needs" guest star."-Crow

"Inspector Gadget in Marathon Man." Tom Servo

"Can I borrow your liver for the weekend?"
"Cased closed...and bar open, let's go!"

"Starring has-beens and never-was-is... with Bob Marley and Prince!" Mike Nelson and Crow (reading credits)

"Young Charles Grodin."-Crow (pointing out look alike)

[–] kiiazaken 19 years ago

"Look out! It's Walt Disney, and he's PISSED!"

"Inspector Gadget in Marathon Man"

[–] SSJAniFan 19 years ago

Mike: It's Walt Disney, and he's MAD!

Mike: It's Pee-Wee Herman's grandfather, Wenchester-Wee Herman!

Servo: A traitorous Frenchman! Who would have thought that?!

Crow: Aw, it was worth killing just to find the perfect picnic spot!

Mike: It's Torgo's theme!

All the drunk boss and Prince henchman riffs. I'll try to post all down later.

[–] 19 years ago

[deleted]

[–] ewilmot-1 18 years ago

"I'll see you at the karate rink. Bring your akido rifle"

Any quote or mimick (mostly by Mike) of that alcoholic chief guy kills me. ("How come I ne'er made the Dewer's profile?")[This is the same drunkard actor who played the captain on the early MST3K episode "Women of the Prehistoric Planet".]

"Care for a drink? Ensure or Boost?"

[Scientist says something to Chance. Chance just sits. He then just walks over to the guy] Mike(flaty): "I'll come over there. Be there in a moment. Hold on. Almost there. Okay."

"Have you seen my rasberry beret?"

Chance (grovel-voiced): Drive!
Tom Servo : Drive while I do my grizzly bear impression!

I could list these all day!

[–] jrware 18 years ago

Crow: (When Chance discovers the other agent from H.A.R.M. stationed near the bad guys' headquarters has been harmed by spore) While the Denorex side makes my face melt!
Servo: (After Dr. Steffanic allows "The Young Charles Grodin" to use his beach to practice his surfing) Cowabunga, Biiiiily!
Mike: I don't like fudge! (After Chance tells Ava to "fudge off for a while," whatever the hell that means)
Mike: Now pretend to lock the door and go (As Dr. Steffanic is doing just that)
Servo: Gotta dance! (as one of the evil Eurotrash guys falls down the stairs after being electrocuted)
Mike: (as the Prince guy hearing his partner in spore crime being electrocuted) Shut up already! Damn!
Mike: And he instinctively checks the right front tire (after Chance runs Ava's beige sportscar over a tequilla bottle, resulting in a flat tire. Hope he paid her back.)
And the whole scene where Chance strangles the bad guy with a wire hanger while he's driving the "Dry Cleaners" truck...I wish I could transcribe it. "Drive, drive!"

[–] me_mongo 18 years ago

"Heuristic Analog Rental Meat" - Servo

[–] emax4-1 18 years ago

My friend and I have seen this numerous times and we crack up over the same line...

After the quote, "it's Walt Disney and he's mad!" the pellet gun fires. Adam backs off and yells, "Doctor! Knock it off! It's me, Adam.."

"I KNOW!!!"

[–] Jikorijo 17 years ago

The Chief: How long have you known?
(Adam grins and walks to the table without saying anything)
Crow: You don't deserve an answer.

[–] Emperor-Cupcake 17 years ago

ALL of the Prince song references. Those are always funny. All the James Bond leitmotif jokes were hilarious.

"Father, someone's giving the squish-squash to the ol' windtube!"

Adam: "Madam,"
Servo: "I'm Adam!"

Crow: "I have this condition where I need sex every hour."

Mike: "It's like being chased by your anthropology professor."

Servo: "Every Agent for H.A.R.M. must know how to field-strip a razor."

Crow: "His arm is all wrapped up. He must've mouthed off to Mayte."

Servo: "Watch as she looks!"

Mike: "It's Pee-Wee Herman grandfather, Winchester-Wee Herman."

Servo: "These people did not earn triangles, but they can try again next year!"

-------------
"I don't think I like this America very much!"
"Are you mad at me clone-daddy?" -both quotes from MST3K "Parts: The Clonus Horror"

[–] flyingtrout 17 years ago

The endless Prince references had me in tears.

[–] 17 years ago

[deleted]

[–] kristenagee 17 years ago

You better back up -- the power of this Honda 60 is pretty overwhelming

[–] TheGreatD 16 years ago

I think Crow owned this episode, and "5 hours of staring at the window finally pay off" is probably the line that made me laugh the hardest

macaroni, let me finish, salad.
- GOB Bluth