Favorite MST3K quotes

Mike: And the cudgels came down way earlier than next winter and maimed several children!

Crow: (closeup of grizzled bandit)The Human Schnauzer.

Crow:(after Ivan gets new bow and arrow) Now start runnin' shroom!

Servo: (mushroom guy disappears)Wow! Didn't know there were that many landmines left in Narnia.

Crow: (after ice sleigh appears to ridiculous sound effects) Who's making that sound?

Mike: Wait'll I open her up on the freeway!

Mike: (hunchback fairy is arguing with Ivan)Awww no! No- no leg kicks please!

Crow: (trees attack)Quick, give him Dutch Elm disease!

Ivan: Its the first time I've sat on a shovel.
Mike: The flat part anyway.

Mike: (at Ivan looking in water)Salmon!

Mike: Maybe I'm crazier than an outhouse rat.

Mike: Forget the good deed, eat her!

Mike: (as Jack Frost)Hey its supposed to make her sleep forever! Now wheres that bird?! Out flying around somewhere?!

Crow: So, Frost, you killed her. Thats the long short of it.

Crow: (a crowd gathers to laugh derisively at the ugly stepsister)And the freelance Shame Squad is there!

Mike: (girls finally yell and run away upon seeing bear cubs)Delayed Reaction Syndrome

Mike: This is the Sun. Your call is very important to us, but due to unusually high call volume-

Crow: It's "Rex" ma'am.
Mike: If I catch you, you're in my omelette so fast!
Crow: Now start runnin', 'shroom!

Hyperchicken:
I'm sorry...I thought you was corn."

Voice over for the pig sled: IIIIIIII'm BACON!! Bacon, bacon, bacon, bacon!!!!

Oh my God I am dying.

I'm also sitting in a library, reading all of these and covering my mouth and snorting and trying not to guffaw. I think I'm about to be kicked out.

It was worth it, I'm so going home and watching my taped copy again!

[deleted]

This is one of my favorite episodes. Pretty underrated I'd say; not many people mention it when discussing the top episodes. But it's really funny; alot of it has to do with the fact that it's already so hilarious by itself just by virtue of all the weird stuff that happens. Then when Mike and the bots add their part, it's a riot.

Mike: "Oh jeez, I stepped in my own scat."

Ivan: "How long will you go on watering it?"
Crow: "I mean how dumb are you?"

Mike: "Hey he can always get a job as a sports mascot."

Mushroom: "Just look at yourself and ask--"
Servo: "Do I crap in the woods?"

Mushroom: "Here's my advice to you--"
Mike: "Shave."

Crow: "Alfalfa's greatest role."

Servo: "It's a Burger King birthday crown."

Stepmother VO: "...take her far into the forest and leave her. I never want to see her again."
Servo (as Nastenka): "Do you have to play that tape Dad it's a little hard on my self esteem."

Crow: "Oh I forgot to preheat the oven, darn."

Mike: "You know, I'm from Wisconsin, I've seen plenty of this. Can we move on?"

Mike (as Nastenka): "I pray for the death of Jack Frost."

Servo (after Jack Frost quickly turns and runs): "My muffins!"

Jack Frost: "But any living creature who touches my magic scepter will never wake up again."
Crow: "Admittedly it's a design flaw, but..."

Servo: "Very confusing lesson."
Mike: "So if you speculate about doing good it's better than actually doing it?"
Crow: "Apparently."

Crow: "Well that's taken care of, now what are you going to do about the fact that you're Finnish?"

Mike: "Still, it was good for him to get out of the basement for awhile."

Ivan: "Nastya!"
Mike: "I need a haircut!"

Voice: "Look who's here!"
Servo: "Thank you anonymous voice!"

Crow: "Why is she putting Bisquick on her face?"

Nastenka: "Grandfather Frost found me in the forest. First he took me with him to his dwelling."
Mike: "Then he kind of killed me."

Narrator: "...and left her beneath a tall pine tree."
Mike: "Where she drank herself into oblivion. The end."

Mike: "And a months rations are gone in an hour."

Servo: "Cymbal fist, the new action hero."

Crow: "Uh, did somebody drop some femurs over here?"
Servo: "I think he's missed the point of juggling."

Crow: "They're frantically hoping he has a louse comb."

Crow: "Fins celebrate the New Year by hurling giant beefsticks high into the air."

Ivan: "You must have a very wicked stepmother."
Mike: "Yep, standard issue."

Crow: "Whoa there's a bull snake on her neck."

Mike: "Yogurt is not a finger food."

Ivan: "And it's the first time I've sat on a shovel."
Mike: "The flat part, anyway...."

Mike: "Scott Hamilton's interpretation of The Three Bears."

I'm just gonna start from the beginning and work my way through the movie ^_^

"Ah Roseanne!"
"Now don't wave Grandma's funk over here, please!"
"She keeps knitting, and knitting, and knitting!"
"I wish she'd take that rat out of her mouth"
"You want a stinkin' sock, I'll knit you a stinkin' sock, stinkin' sock!"
"Oh fly specks, they've been aiming"
"SSSUUURRRGGGEEE!!!"

"Hide the chickens ladies, I'm on the prowl!"
"Oh she's mooning us!"
"And you are...?"

"Ah a ah a ah! Mornin'"
Sheep:"Moornin'" (Ivan chops a block of wood) "Hey watch it!"
"Well the chores are done for the day."
"I'm only going for a paper"
"I even made him lunchables!"

"Damn, hobbits!"
"Ooooooo loook!"
"Uh, I lost a Titelist 3 down here, anyone? Oh what a beautiful muska(unable to spell), oh what a beautiful gumski(still unable to spell)"
"He's got Playboy!"

"Ivanushka, I got a new church hat!"
"Rum tum tilly dow, Tom Bombadillo!"
"Come 'ere you twisted little wood ear, I'm gonna..!"

"Heckle and Jeckle in, The Ten Commandments!"
"I still havn't found the men's room."
"Ehhh...it was a good run!"

"I want to be the girl with the most cake."
"And it just rolls back down the hill."
"That's a girl, I thought I was a girl!"
"Why do continue to water the stump?" "I mean how dumb are you?"
"Every guy I meet is either gay or a bear"

I'll stop there, and continue later.

"Proving once again that slightly unatractive people ARE evil!"

"Get down in that basement, old man!"

"Ugh, when am I going to pass this witch?"

"Well, it's good to see they've gotten past the oven incident."

"I've got to learn to ride a tricycle in a hurry."

"Heckel and Jeckel in: The Ten Commandments."

"I always pick that little guy off my pizza."

"And they became professional Faberge egg immitators."

"And They Lived Happily Ever After..."
"Yeah, until the mushroom guy moved in..."

____
Come down off your cross, use the wood to build a bridge and get over it.