Is 'Global Affair' a classic?
The term "classic" is overused, which is why you've probably noticed some wear around the first s and the penultimate i. There are only four classic movies: The Birth of a Nation, Intolerance, Citizen Kane and Airy Fairy Lillian Tries On Her New Corsets (1905). No other movie should be termed a classic, not even if it's really good. The word "good" must be preceded by at least ten "really"s, and, like I said, only four movies make the cut.
A Global Affair is not a classic. I don't want to denigrate a fine film, or even this one, but being a classic requires more than greatness. It requires a plot in which Bob Hope never carries a child in a dog carrier. In The Birth of a Nation, Intolerance, Citizen Kane and Airy Fairy Lillian, Bob Hope never carries an infant in a dog carrier. In A Global Affair, Bob Hope carries an infant in a dog carrier. Thus, one of the great cinematic moments in history – Bob Hope carrying an infant in a dog carrier – robs this movie of inclusion in the pantheon of classics by a mere technicality. Bob Hope. Infant. Dog carrier. No classic.
I watched this movie late one night on TCM. Or rather, I watched half of it, became terribly depressed and turned off the TV. Can you imagine how the gods must hate me if they decided to make me terribly depressed while I was experiencing, for the first time, this black-and-white gem about an abandoned child at the United Nations? Why then? Why right then?
To quote the title of a movie in which Bob Hope does not carry a child in a dog carrier: "The gods must be crazy."