Fails to even be funny type of bad

Respectfully disagree. 100%.

"Touch a button. Things happen."

I couldn't agree with you more. Other famously bad movies, such as Egah, Plan 9, Brain from the Planet Arous, Robot Monster, etc, are so bad they're funny, at least some of the time--I think Manic with Bill Woods is one of the funniest of that type--but this film is just boring. The only film that might approach this disaster has to be Signs with Mel Gibson.

"When you have to shoot, shoot, don't talk."

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Although I dont get many laughs watching this movie either, there is a sort of trance like effect to it that carries right through to the end.

There are the odd parts like where the mother scolds the children about playing with coyotes and how the patrolman just starts shooting at a ramdom guy wandering the desert (who all the while doesn't really seem all that concerned with it). Those parts always make my day, But overall its all the plot holes and strange mutterings by the narrator that I enjoy.

I thought the narrators random quotes were kind of funny. "Push a button, things happen" was my favorite. But I agree, this film is only 54 minutes and even at that short running time it drags on at moments.

I've been waiting for you, Ben.

I actually found this film so completely draining to watch on an emotional level, I started to have a panic attack from forcing myself to sit through it, and I actually took an Adavan. I agree with you 100% that it's not even unintentionally funny or "so bad, it's good." It's just stress-inducingly bad.

I have never had a more unpleasant, impure, upsettingly distressing viewing experience in my life than I had with this film. I'm frankly shocked it isn't #1 on IMDB's Bottom 100. I honestly cannot comprehend how anyone could find it enjoyable, even ironically. I couldn't even make it through the MST3K episode where they covered it when my friends tried to get me to watch it agin... even with constant jokes and riffing, it was too stressful and insultingly boring for me to watch.

The only way to properly describe this film is this blurb from a review I wrote for it here:

"There is not a single redeeming quality in this worthless, draining, disgustingly poor piece of crud. I think that every film deserves a chance, and every film should be available for people to see, as in my opinion, every film has value. Except this film. This film should not be seen. If I had the power, I would eradicate this film from existence. It has no value, merit or reason. It has nothing to offer to anyone in any capacity, beyond frustration that something this impure was made and distributed.

This is the worst film ever made. Plainly. Simply. Purely. Painfully. The worst film of all time. I have never experienced a more unpleasant, unclean, soulless waste of 60 minutes in my life."

And FURTHERMORE, this is my signature! SERIOUSLY! Did you think I was still talking about my point?

I thought it was hilarious, especially the last 15 minutes! I loved when the narrator said something about "the beast unleashes his fury" and then it's just some beefy guy with a tiny bit of face makeup yelling like a dumbass.

"This isn't TV, it's real life. Can't you tell the difference?"
"Sure - I just like TV better."