Out of the Woodwork

Unless one enjoys spirited debate just for the sake of it -- or the sound of their own voice -- it's become quite annoying encountering a significant number of seemingly intelligent and obviously educated posters at this board who enjoy overanalyzing, overthinking, and pompously pontificating the existence of a god instead of using their intelligence and reason to discuss a superbly written and acted film. The religionists/creationists coming out of the woodwork to rally against the non-believers at this board is to be expected -- nothing's changed since 1925 because ignorance, superstition, and stupidity are timeless -- but the sane and the sound who don't rely on an old book of fairy tales to guide their thinking and reasoning should know better. Why do you waste your time trying to reason with these self-deluded god-fools, some of whom are obviously mentally ill? What are you trying to prove and who are you trying to impress? Regardless of the sea of intellectually stimulating comments at this board, the simple fact of the matter is this: one either believes or one doesn't. Some things in life are black and white and this is one of them. (Those poor, confused agnostics sitting on the fence are simply afraid of the word atheist.) There is no "middle ground" or "balance of faith and science" where this particular subject is concerned.

Rather than revolving your lives around some omnipotent being created by man to control the masses, here are some guidelines I created that "the faithful" should consider following. (Even those of you who are medicated can give them a try during your lucid moments.)

1. You don't have to believe in a god just because it's what you've been taught/told. Own and
use your mind and don't be so easily influenced and led.

2. Have faith in yourself and believe in yourself, not some invented entity. And never take
for granted the good people in your life. Believe in them too, especially when they need it
most.

3. Read Stephen Hawking and read him again.

4. Don't exchange one crutch (booze, drugs, food, etc.) for another (religion).

5. Since all organized religions focus on death and an afterlife, focus on living and
celebrating life instead. You'll not only feel better and more alive, but you won't depress
everyone around you with a gloom-and-doom outlook. (The "I can't wait to die and go to
heaven" crowd is such a fun and wacky bunch!)

6. Both heaven and hell are here on Earth. Seek one and survive the other.

7. Common sense and science can be your friends, if you let them.

8. Whether it has millions of followers or just a handful, always remember that a cult is a cult is
a cult...

9. If it's affordable, donate to secular charities. At least the money won't go to subsidize
lawsuits, plus the world doesn't need another building in which to perform meaningless
rituals while praising the air. A lick on the face and the unconditional love of an animal
has far more value than any already obscenely wealthy church.

10. Enjoy a good laugh whenever possible -- it's not a 'sin' to be joyful and happy -- and cry
when you need to. Praying to the air is...praying to the air. The same with statues; they can't
hear you, they're man-made statues. (If I were a deity, the last thing I'd want to do is spend
eternity possessing a statue. Talk about claustrophobic.)

11. Never underestimate the value of a nude game of Twister. It can do more to raise one's
spirit, among other things, than all the world's religions combined, plus you haven't lived
until a game-playing penis has rested its weary head on your shoulder. (Just be sure to
pet him and tell him what a nice penis he is or he'll leave you for another shoulder. Penises
don't like to be ignored; they're the original egotists.)

12. Most importantly, remember that the happy heathens among us are
a much more fun group and aren't afraid to dance naked no matter how much flappage is
involved. When was the last time you encountered a fun religionist dancing naked? Now
let's all give those heathens a hallelujah and maybe they'll give us some more flappage!

13. Have I mentioned the importance of nudity? Unless they're molesting you, religionists are
usually so offended by and afraid of the human body that it's always both baffled and
amazed me that they're even able to breed little religionists.

If you follow the above guidelines, you'll never have to wonder what happened to your mind nor will you ever have to worry about having that glazed-over expression. (And I deliberately created 13 guidelines just to freak out the superstitious even more! Booga Booga!)

Personally, I'd rather believe in Santa Claus because there have never been any acts of war, violence, brutality, bigotry, hatred, and various abuses and atrocities committed in his name. Plus, he's jolly, isn't afraid to wear red, and lets you sit on his lap -- and what a nice, comfortable lap it is too! Can any god claim the same? Give Santa a chance. The worst thing he'll ever do is ask you to pull his finger.

I discovered first hand the evils of religion and religionists at the ages of 8 and 9 years old when two Catholic priests told me how much their god loved me while they stole and fouled my childhood, but like many who experienced the same, I survived and even thrived once I discovered how false, poisonous, and perverse religion really is. Never let the jerks, scumbags, and lowlifes win or have power over you and your life. Hold them accountable -- a god won't after they're dead -- and then move on. The key to a better life is to educate and empower yourself. A sense of humor helps too. And don't forget nudity.