100 (OK...just a FEW) things I learned from René Cardona's "SANTA CLAUS"
1) Whenever El Diablo ("Pitch") appears or disappears, you will hear the very same sound as when Windows XP would have a "Critical Error."
2) Santa Claus looks just like Joe Piscopo.
3) Santa will give you an atomic laboratory if you want one -- all you gotta do is ask.
4) All of the children from the opening sequence were stuffed and embalmed and you can now see them as part of the "It's a Small World" ride at Disneyland - Anaheim.
5) Merlin the Magician is from Texas. We know this because there's a large Lone Star hanging over his fireplace.
6) Santa does not live at The North Pole. Santa's from outer space.
7) Interior design at the Claus residence is mostly Hollywood Contemporary with Ethnic Indian motifs.
8) Santa's Magic Powders bag from Merlin looks similar to the sexy black drawstring bag that comes with a 750 ml bottle of Crown Royal Black Canadian whisky. Coincidence? Metaphor or other rhetorical device? This is your decision, but Santa's definitely bummed-out when he realizes the content of his bag is empty.
9) If you're a little kid and your parents are ignoring you, Santa has a booze recipe that will change their hearts.
10) In all likelihood, Santa has a drinking problem (see Items 8 & 9), so this is why he's laughing throughout the entire movie. Santa's a functioning drunk.
11) Since El Diablo/"Mr. Pitch" is capable of making you use the telephone in your sleep, blame him the next time you Drunk Dial. Otherwise...blame Santa. He won't mind.
12) Santa is afraid of Sealed Brindle Boxer dogs and they presumably don't like him, either. This type of dog can chase Santa up a tree, like a big, red velvet squirrel.
13) Receiving the desired toy from Santa Claus will make you very happy, but it will make your Roman Catholic mama genuflect. This means that while children believe toys come from Santa, Mothers know toys come from Jesus.
14) If your local sports arena's organist suddenly dies of a heart attack and there's nobody to play at the next NHL or NBA game, go see Santa in outer space. He has a great organist's music accompanying wherever he goes and may be able to lend you his.
15) If after viewing this movie on TCM you are motionless and in shock, stick around and maybe you'll be lucky enough to see the hour rounded-out when they screen another great hit from 1963, "A Visit to Santa" -- now viewable anytime of year on the internet here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mSjocCyAaLc
16) If you were a acting hopeful and appeared in this film, your career after 1974 was basically over, as proven by IMDB.