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1959: Santa Oddity

posted 15 years ago by ghost_hat
6 replies | jump to latest

Ground Control to Major Claus...

This has got to be THE strangest movie
featuring Santa Claus ever conceived, and that's realy saying
something. But don't just take my word for it,
consider the evidence presented in the film.

Exhibit A:
Santa lives on an orbital space station?! Who knew. And why were
there 2 others shown floating nearby but not even referenced in the movie?

Exhibit B:
Not elves, but "Children from around the world" (ie cultural stereotypes)
aid him in his workshop. Though not actually inside the workshop mind you,
but rather out in the snow where he forces them to sing 16
hours a day as he plays the organ.

Exhibit C:
Ever wonder how Santa sneaks around without getting caught?
Magic! And where does the magic come from? If you guessed
Merlin the Magician (apparently suffering from hemorrhoids) then
you are correct. He is the one that gives Santa his "dream dust"
and a flower that, when sniffed, makes Santa invisible.
Integral parts of the Santa Claus mythos, I'm sure.

Exhibit D:
A little boy asks for, among other things, a cannon, an
atomic laboratory, and a machine gun. Santa gives a jolly
"ho ho ho!" and puts the letter in the "approved" pile.
Same for the kid who asks for a baby brother. Sure thing kid!
All in a night's work for Santa!

Exhibit E:
The giant pair of lips with optional "sucking" motion on
Santa's control board. Seriously. Scary.

Exhibit F:
Santa's reindeer are actually wind-up automatons. Freaky,
hysterically laughing, albino with yellow rolling eyes automatons.
Between these guys and the robotic lips, I'm having nightmares
tonight.

Exhibit G:
Santa's main adversary in this film is a bright red and extremely
flamboyant devil who spends most of his time dancing, prancing,
and blowing on things. Scary, but probably not in the way they
intended.

Exhibit H:
Little Lupita (one of the 5 children Santa manages to visit during
the movie) is very poor. How poor? So poor that her father goes out
and spends several hours looking for work. Late at night. ON CHRISTMAS EVE.
You know this guy really wants a job!

I could go on, but I think this is sufficient evidence to prove
my point. Any thoughts?

[–] The_Dying_Flutchman 13 years ago

Purely a fantasy for morons or, in this case, very young children. I like yer excess verbiage, but so what?

Life's like that, isn't it? Undercooked then over-baked and finally insipient.

[–] Chesterfield_Invincible 13 years ago

Exhibit I:
Of all the places Santa can go to first on his Christmas Eve flight, the first stop he makes is Mexico City.

[–] The_Dying_Flutchman 13 years ago

Becuz he's very sick.

Life's like that, isn't it? Undercooked then over-baked and finally insipient.

[–] titch-2 11 years ago

Mexico City is the only place he visits in the film and the narrator says that he makes the children all over the world happy. When did he visit the other children of the world? I also noticed that they never showed the children from England singing "London Bridge is Falling Down" while Santa plays the organ.

[–] Chesterfield_Invincible 11 years ago

I guess it was because they couldn't find any kids willing to wear bowler hats and carry umbrellas!

[–] jjk50 8 years ago

So much for visiting all the children of the world. Santa calls it a day after visiting four houses in Mexico. Must be a union rule.