My review of 'The Robot Vs the Aztec Mummy'
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THE ROBOT VS THE AZTEC MUMMY(1958)
(Directed by Rafael Portillo)
"The poster and title are far more amusing than the movie itself."- Signed by MartialHorror.
Plot: An evil doctor builds a robot to destroy a cursed Mummy who has bested him in the past, so he can steal two ancient relics. Also known as “The Aztec Mummy against the Humanoid Robot” and “La momia azteca contra el robot humano”.
Review:
Lately, I’ve been TIVO’ing plenty of movies that looked interesting to me. For the most part, they’ve been disappointments including the likes of “The Stepfather 2” and “Masters of the Universe”. But there have been some decent ones too, such as “Fighter(2007)”. I tend to record anything that sounds intriguing, bad or good, and how could I even consider avoiding “The Robot Vs the Aztec Mummy”? I mean, the name just sounds so gloriously awful that I couldn’t even consider not watching it. So I recorded this Mexican, Sci-Fi/Horror feature, not realizing what horrors were to come…
Dr. Eduardo Almada(Raymond Gay) invites his friends over to discuss his previous battles with a cursed Mummy and a sadistic doctor named Krupp(Luis Aceves Castaneda) . You see, “The Robot Vs the Aztec Mummy” is the 3rd in a trilogy, following “The Aztec Mummy” and “Curse of the Aztec Mummy”, two films I’ve yet to see but hear bad things about. Almada pretty much spends THE FIRST HALF OF THE MOVIE talking about these films to his friends, complete with stock footage of course. Eventually he reveals that he knows Dr. Krupp is up to something and is going to stop him. It turns out Dr. Krupp has built a ‘human robot’ to destroy the hibernating mummy. When the human robot and the Mummy clash, sparks will fly………No, seriously, sparks flying is about the only thing that happens when they fight.
Oh, where to start..... Must I terrify you with tales of stock footage and how so much of the movie relies on it? Perhaps what is scarier is that I found myself utterly bored with the footage from these supposedly ‘superior’ movies? Woe onto those who cross mortal boundaries by watching either “The Aztec Mummy” or “Curse of the Aztec Mummy”, for they chill you to the bone with.........people walking slowly......... in what I presume was an attempt to build suspense. Yet feel your spine tingle when you witness the grotesque abomination only known as the makeup of the mummy…..and I mean the makeup job looks horrible, not that the mummy looks like a grotesque abomination. But your puny minds cannot withstand the shock and horror of the fact that there are people who saw these movies, only to endure grueling torture again when watching the same footage in “The Robot Vs the Aztec Mummy”. Once you have set eyes upon these cursed relics, you can never escape them. Indeed, even I, the crusader of bad movies from all over the world, had difficulty fighting sleep despite this movie only running a little more than AN HOUR long. Horrifying!
Not scary enough? My, aren’t you a tough little morsel. Then let your eyes feast on the date of this movie(1958), and then recoil when you consider that even I was sure this was made in the early 1940’s due to the awful quality. Everything is murky and dark, so you will never see the approaching crises of awful, wooden actors dubbed by EVEN MORE hilariously awful wooden actors. Finally, behold the grizzly sight of the Robot Vs the Mummy battle! The robot with his crappy space suit and the Mummy with his crappy makeup slooooooowly walk up to eachother and grapple and sparks come out, and it is REALLY boring. Cover your eyes and scream when you realize it makes the disappointing confrontation between the titular monsters in “Frankenstein Meets the Wolf-Man” look like cinematic brilliance……No, it makes “Frankenstein Meets the Space Monster” look jaw dropping in its presentation. What is that? Your looking………pale…..ghostly pale? That, my friends, is the curse of “The Robot Vs the Aztec Mummy”. Those who gaze into its vile eyes find themselves wandering the mortal world, searching for an even crappier Mexican horror film just so they can see if one such film exists... Looks like I’ll be seeing you……….a long time……..BWAHAHAHAHAHA.
Okay, seriously, this movie sucked. They should’ve taglined the movie: “It’s the battle between pure incompetence and sheer boredom”. I expected an awful movie, but I also expected a movie in which I’d have a blast laughing at(like “Frankenstein Meets the Space Monster”). Instead, I was pretty much falling asleep the whole way through, and this was the first time I had even seen the (boring) stock footage of the first two films. The only thing I can say I kind of liked was Castaneda as Dr. Krupp. He had fun with the role and I kind of enjoyed watching him. Too bad even his constant dialogue(which too much of this movie is) even brought him down. Ugh, this movie made me angry.
Violence: It does have a few grisly moments for its time.
Nudity: None.
Overall: Avoid “The Robot Vs the Aztec Monster”. It’s so bad that it’s not even funny. I'm not even sure why I've given it half a star!
0.5/4 Stars
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