After 5 years of counseling, I decided to face my fears and rewatch this movie. With a trembling hand, I loaded the Giant Claw into the DVD player. Then I eased onto the sofa, took a deep breath and pushed the play button. My trepidation slowly waned as the film chugged along. I was doing it! I was conquering my fear of the Giant Claw!!!!
That was...until the 27:54 mark, when the Giant Claw was revealed in it's horrific entirety!
I woke up in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. The EMTs frantically worked on a nasty head wound that I'd suffered. Before getting to the ER, I drifted out of consciousness. Waking up from my coma three weeks later, I learned exactly what had happened...
Upon seeing the Giant Claw, my bowels spontaneously shot out feces with the force of a rocket. They told me the thrust was comparable to that of a Saturn V. In fact, the nurses and doctors all called me Wernher von BROWN! With my rectum turning into a booster, I would've needed a seatbelt to have remained prone. Thus, I shot up off the couch and my head plowed though the ceiling...penetrating my upstairs neighbor's floor, who managed to call 911 before fainting from the scent. It was another Giant Claw-induced nightmare!
Beware of this terrifying movie!!!
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