Crow: She's blonde, Jim!
Joel: They're shooting at the box, execution-style!
Tom Servo: No one has ever escaped from Stalag 13!
Crow: Beverly Garland's bra! I have seen the light!
[An animated dove flies during the credits]
Joel, Tom, and Crow: [Machine guns, bi-plane motor sounds]
Crow: That's not Touch Connors. That's Mike Connors!
Tom Servo: Bland colors for Mardi Gras...brown and yellow!
Crow: Why is he taking orders from a crossing guard?
(as title appears)
Ooh, swamp diamonds! (hums riff fo KISS' "Black Diamond")
Tom Servo: Played Touch Connors like a piano.
Crow: So, you wanna make SHOES outta me, huh?
Women convicts are so much more supportive.
Let's just stand here a bit longer and jut.
You have the right to remain hot. Anything I have will be held against you.
Well THIS is going to be fun trip!
Part two - the trip back. NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
How long have I been posing?
"The Ms. Hathaway parade! 'Oh, Mr. Drysdale!'"
shareI love when Vera is up in a tree shooting at any girl who waves at her or makes a sound, and then asks Bob why don't they come out from hiding? The camera then cuts to Bob, all tied-up below, and Joel says "I don't know. It's kinda weird."
LMAO!
Servo: At least she's doing this under the cover of day.
Crow: The snake was a Mannix fan; he just wanted an autograph!
(From the short, when people are square dancing near a sign that says "Baggage Claim")
Servo: Hey, the luggage is here!
Servo: Night Gallery: The Lost Episodes
Servo: I feel like I should take Prozac after hearing this music
Servo: To be like the Corman! To live like the Corman!
Joel & the Bots: Viva the Fold-Out Couch! Viva the Fold-Out Couch!
Marie: Why don’t you let me prove it?
Crow: Please don’t touch, Touch Connors
Joel: Man this looks like home movies of my parents wedding
Billie: I don’t know about your eyes but I sure got a sore back
Vera: Not from working
Joel: Whoa!
Joel: Guys it’s a prison slumber party!
Crow: Yeah they use razors in the pillows for pillow fights
Joel: What’s with the Get Smart music?
Crow: The Kids in the Hall escape prison!
Josie: You got a better suggestion?
Lee: Yeah, hold ‘em both as hostages
Joel: Have you held your hostage today?
Servo: I wonder what other names Touch Connors considered before he hit on Touch
Crow: Thrust?
Joel: Jab?
Servo: Fudge
Joel: Hm, Crunch
Crow: Blast!
Servo: Smidge
Joel: Shout
Crow: Batch
Servo: Scroth
Joel: Flake
Crow: Wink
Servo: Sploot
Crow: Beverly can sure handle a Johnson, can’t she?
Joel: Yes she can
Servo: Pinch Connors?
Crow: Pro Connors
Joel: Wing Connors
Joel: Jab Connors?
Servo: Grunt Connors
Crow: Blink
Billie: Enjoy yourself
Joel: (as Bob) I just did
Joel: You know, it’s hard to keep your head above water when you’re up to your ass in alligators
Servo: (as the Alligator) So you wanted to make shoes out of me, huh? I got your shoes right here!
Crow: Next time we kidnap Ernest Borgnine
Servo: (as Bob) Girls, girls, plenty of Touch to go around
Josie: It’s only a couple feet deep. We’ll take turns
Servo: (as Bob) At Touch
Joel: (as Bob) Giddup! Ha-ha, just kidding girls
Crow: I can use an overdose of Dramamine right now
Bob: If I were untied we could jump ‘em now
Servo: (as Bob) Or you can all jump me
Servo: Branch Connors
Joel: Hey, Snake Connors
Crow: Classic Mannix disarm
Servo: Very nice
Crow: (as Bob) Hey, don’t Touch Connors me there
Crow: (as Bob) You have the right to remain hot. Anything I have will be held against you
"I'm just a happy camper! Rockin' and a-rollin'!" - Patrick Bateman, American Psycho
Joel: It's hard to keep your head above water when you're up to your ass in alligators.
Undercover Lady Cop: Sorry for not saving her life.
Joel: Oh, her? That was a first date.
Spread out, ladies. It's a big car!
Servo: How is he going to get to the pool she's in?
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