I found this harrowing, and very modern

*minor spoilers*

Hi all, just wondering if anyone else found this a very unnerving and realistic depiction of an abusive relationship...

I think the movie is great overall: all of the acting, music, directing, and sets are great. But the nature of the Day/Cagney relationship is what really sticks with me.

I don't know much about the real Ruth Etting, so I can't speak to the authenticity of the story. But I felt that the script and the acting, considered on their own, made for a harrowing portrayal of an abusive relationship.

Even though there are only two moments of actual of physical violence (any domestic violence is too much, but some movies are much more graphic than this one), it's the way Jimmy Cagney plays Marty - always threatening to erupt, that's so effective; coupled with the way Doris Day shows how a woman might feel conflicted, torn or trapped - how it's sometimes not a simple decision to walk out on a relationship like this.

Another poster on this board said they felt sorry for Marty. I think I did in a way too. I never totally hated him even though he's monstrous... Somehow Cagney manages to inject humanity into him, so that I thought of Marty as more of a human than a "monster." Yet I wouldn't say I was drawn in to excuse Marty's actions or let him off the hook. Let's put it this way - Cagney's portrayal made me feel sorry for Marty: sorry that Marty had to be Marty - how awful it would be to be trapped in a cycle of frustration and anger and, I think, self-loathing, like he is.

Anyway, don't want to sound like I'm excusing the character or people who are violent or controlling toward others. But I think the tendency in many movies is to portray abusers one dimensionally. When in fact I think that many people who know someone or are involved with someone abusive see that person as more than simply "a monster." And it's precisely that complexity, I think, that makes it harder for them to leave. Which I think this movie captures well.