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Ethel's Birthday Gift, Just a Bad Choice or Lucy's Passive/Aggression?

posted 5 years ago by [email protected] (5497)
16 replies | jump to latest

Now that "Ethel's Birthday" has been mentioned again, there's something I often wondered about it, namely Lucy's choice of a gift for Ethel!

Obviously her gift had to be something so awful that Ethel would hate it and she and Lucy would end up arguing and insulting each other. They'd fight, only to have a tearful reunion during "Over the Teacups".

The argument is hilarious. But I wonder about Lucy's choice of this particular item of clothing. Lucy had great taste in clothes and surely she would know that those hostess pants were not Ethel's taste at all. The outfit Lucy describes, "an off the shoulder blouse, crushy belt and ballet flats" would have been an interesting choice for Lucy. She could've carried off a bohemian look like that. But not Ethel. That wasn't her style at all.

It seems passive/aggressive that Lucy buys those "hostess pants" for Ethel. It was as though she didn't want Ethel to wear something flattering. A perfect choice would have been something Ethel could've worn to the theater. After all, Ethel said that her "coat is so tacky." Lucy's could have purchased a jacket or wrap for her, something Ethel would've gotten some use out of instead of pants for the "smart dinner parties" which she never gave.

It's as if the writers showed how Lucy always had to be the best dressed and she'd never want Ethel to look as nice. She may have said that the pants were from the "Young Modern" department and that they were a good choice. But I think maybe subconsciously she was sabotaging Ethel. The two couples were going to the theater. Heaven forbid that Ethel would have a nice new dress or jacket!

[–] [email protected] (1732) 5 years ago

I was thinking about this the other day, and do feel that since LUCY could've worn this (really, is this much worse
than the check pants Lucy wears in the opening scene of "Job Switching?"), she was thinking like LUCY. I
think that Lucy, consciously or unconsciously, was probably trying to bring some youth and glamour to her friend;
something that would make her look chic.

I truly think Lucy "put a lot of thought" into picking them out, and I kind of think that Lucy's seeing Ethel look a tad
more elegant was a gift to her friend, not a means to insult her.

One thing, though: Even if Ethel hadn't discovered the gift early (two days before her birthday and "Over the
Teacups"), they STILL would've had a fight because Ethel would've come to Lucy, complaining about the awful gift
Fred "picked" for her.

It must've been challenging for both the writers and the costumer to come up with something that could be viewed
as both ugly AND chic. Certainly time has not been kind to those pants!!

[–] [email protected] (5497) 5 years ago

Interesting that you think Lucy was trying to help Ethel look a tad more elegant". There are a number of clothing choices that would've made Ethel look elegant, but I don't think it was those "checkerboard britches"!! lol

Just because Lucy could've worn those pants, that doesn't mean they'd look good on Ethel. As you have pointed out, she was a bit wide in the rear. Or as Lucy said about Ethel being "hippy", "... on second thought, she does have the biggest potamus I've even seen."

I could believe that Lucy put a lot of thought into her choice. But she was thinking about what she would prefer for herself or as she told Fred, "a gifty gift". She thought a practical gift like a toaster was dull. But that's what Ethel wanted!

[–] [email protected] (1732) 5 years ago

You're discounting that Fred probably gave her TEN dollars! Remember, he hands her ONE bill (I'd say a five),
and then a second.

Even in 1954, there wasn't much "elegance" to buy in ten dollars!

Lucy could be selfish, but she is clearly very excited to see Ethel open the box, and conversely very hurt to see
Ethel trash the gift.

What's curious is the brilliant facial expressions on the two women. Ethel is at first dumbfounded by how
seriously Lucy is taking things. Lucy is PISSED. After the fight, Ethel has her arms folded in a stubborn look;
Lucy with hurt.

Brilliant scene.

[–] [email protected] (5497) 5 years ago

Well now if we are getting into "elegance", we're straying off my original point. I was just suggesting that Lucy buy something that Ethel would actually WEAR! LOL

As far as the buying power of ten dollars in the fifties, you might be surprised at what you could buy in the area of clothes. I've checked web sites and I have some old magazines from the fifties. A woman could actually buy a nice dress for $5.95. I've seen suits for $12.00. I saw ads for hats that were $3.95. I always wondered why the writers had Lucy buying $50 hats. Ricky must have been doing really well for her to do that. A factory worker back then brought home about $50 a week.

And we're talking New York City here. There were many, many department stores and stores always have sale racks. I have no doubt Lucy could've purchased something nice for Ethel for $10.
Also, elegant does not necessarily mean expensive. I equate elegance with style and timeless classic pieces. For instance, the LBD (little black dress) has been the staple in a well dressed woman's wardrobe for decades. I have several and they didn't cost much. But they do look elegant and can be worn for almost any occasion.

But anyway, it is true and I agree about Lucy's happy, hopeful look when Ethel finds her gift. Lucy just made a giant miscalculation. That happens with a lot of gift giving, no matter the well intentions of the giver.

It reminds me of a Xmas gift my sister and I gave our mom when we were kids. We were window shopping, trying to get an idea of what to get mom. We saw some faux pearls in a jewelry store window and we asked mom what she thought. She said that they were nice.
Big mistake! She should have told us what she really thought. We bought them for her. Now a single "Jackie Kennedy" type strand would've been nice. But these were about five strands with a huge clasp in the front and other stuff that's hard to describe. The thing must've weighed two pounds!
Mom never wore it. We asked her many times and she always said she had to get a nice little black dress to wear them. I may be slow...it took me several years before I realized her closet was stuffed with LBDs. She was just too tactful to say what she really thought.

If you ever saw the Dick van Dyke episode "Empress Carlotta's Necklace", you'll get the idea. In that episode, Rob was thrilled to give Laura that hideous necklace. He thought she'd love it.

I suppose Lucy made the same miscalculation. The scene is one of the best Lucy/Ethel arguments ever.
"Fred said you wanted a toaster, but I couldn't believe you could be that DULL."
"I'd look better wearing a TOASTER!"
"Happy birthday and I hope you live another 75 years."

[–] [email protected] (1732) 5 years ago

How am I going off your "original point?" You seem to be saying that Lucy deliberately bought something
Ethel couldn't/wouldn't wear as a possible passive/aggressive move. I don't buy that, as evidenced by
Lucy's genuine hurt in Ethel's response. I just don't think Lucy was so mean-spirited that she would buy a
gift that would make her best friend look bad if she WORE it. The choice itself was odd, but Lucy's intent
was sincere. At least to me.

Lucy was childish when she was fighting mad, but she really wanted Ethel to be surprised and happy with
the gift. The resulting hurt feelings of both women is beautifully played out.

[–] [email protected] (5497) 5 years ago

First, I don't mind if you go off my original point. Any Lucy discussion is fun. You have summed up my original point quite well even if you "don't buy it". That's okay. It's fiction and people have been reading things into ILL and other sitcoms and dramas for a long time.
As I wrote, I just thought it would've been better for Lucy to buy something for Ethel in keeping with Ethel's taste. I never thought in terms of "elegant". That's okay, but I was just thinking "wearable"!
The time for Lucy to attempt to tweak Ethel's wardrobe would be when they were on a shopping trip together.
"Gee Ethel, don't you think this dress would be more flattering?" Or "Why not try this on? It's a different style, but I think you'd look good in it." or "Here's something new and different. I saw it featured in Harper's Bazaar". etc.

A really good gift is one the recipient wants, not what the giver thinks they SHOULD want. For example, my mom and one of my sisters love perfume. For Christmas, I'd get their favorites. I, on the other hand, went through a long period where I couldn't tolerate scented stuff. Dove Body Wash was about the strongest scent I could stand. (I had terrible sinus problems) yet my mom and sister were constantly getting me scented lotions, creams, soaps,etc.
It was always, "You'll love this. It smells wonderful." etc... I hated it! If I didn't bathe and shower regularly, I'd think they were trying to tell me something! LOL They weren't passive/aggressive, just clueless and well meaning like Lucy.

I've read discussions from fans that Gilligan was "passive/aggressive" and ruined the castaways chances to get off the island. i used to think he was just a bumbling but well intentioned fool!

Even passive/aggressive people can misunderstand their own intentions. Lucy was childish, but yes she did love Ethel and wouldn't intentionally hurt her. But I honestly think the "checkerboard britches" WOULD have made Ethel look bad! Lucy wanted to try something new for Ethel even if it wasn't what Ethel wanted.

Even if we disagree about her motives, we both love the zany redhead.

[–] [email protected] (1732) 5 years ago

Lucy and Ethel had a real friendship. They were like sisters, and they fought, but then made up. I don't
see them as passive/aggressive at all.

Now Lucy and Caroline....THAT was passive/aggressive.

LUCY IS MATCHMAKER: The girls are all getting along, discussing a common enemy...Sylvia Collins.
Then Caroline starts with, "Well, it wasn't MY husband who taught her how to play Babalu on an overturned
wastebasket."

BABY PICTURES: Lucy's surprise visit. Lucy says, "I hope we haven't come at a bad time. Little Stevie
isn't all DIRTY, is he?" Or Caroline's, "That's a very smart suit you're wearing." Lucy replies, "Oh, do you
like it?" Caroline comes back with, "You know I always have." Pure passive/aggressive behavior.

Lucy genuinely hopes Ethel likes those hostess pants, as dumb as her choice was. She was trying to be
sweet and surprise Ethel. And Ethel's tart replies are only because she thinks FRED bought them. She
wouldn't have been so outwardly nasty if she knew Lucy bought them.

LUCY: (surprised and hurt) "Well, Ethel I think they're kind of cute."

[–] [email protected] (5497) 5 years ago

Oh yes, I'd never consider Lucy and Caroline's friendship anywhere near as strong as Lucy and Ethel's. Lucy/Caroline had much more of a rivalry, at least early on. The two women were closer in age and had babies the same age. They played a game of oneupmanship a lot. However, in the Hollywood episodes they seemed to put their rivalry aside for a few days. They were both out of their element and the focus was on movie stars.

In the Lucy/Ethel friendship, Lucy was younger than Ethel, she had a bigger wardrobe, nicer apartment, younger husband,etc. Lucy seems clearly more comfortable when she doesn't have to compete. The only area where Ethel bested Lucy was that she had been in show business and could sing a lot better.
I agree that the two women had a real friendship. But they could turn on each other in a second, like when money was involved! And in "The Diner" both the Ricardos were unfair to the Mertzes by expecting them to do all the work while they stood by the door greeting customers.

Getting back to "Ethel's Birthday", it's true that Ethel thought Fred bought the hostess pants. That's why she made those remarks.
But then she says that she'd like to meet the idiot who talked him into that purchase. Lucy says that she did. But Ethel doesn't apologize for inadvertently calling Lucy an idiot. She doubles down on what she said. Of course, by then Ethel thought the whole situation was amusing. She didn't intend to hurt Lucy's feelings. But, too late! Lucy really was insulted.
And somehow i still think Lucy, as much as she wanted to buy Ethel a nice gift, really wasn't thinking about what Ethel wanted. Lucy was thinking what she WANTED Ethel to want. But nowhere near the passive/aggressive behavior she exhibited with Caroline.

Just an aside, I wonder if Lucy and Caroline exchanged birthday gifts? I wonder what they'd buy for each other. Wrinkle cream? A girdle? A diet book? LOL

[–] [email protected] (1732) 5 years ago

We'll just have to agree to disagree. I don't think there was any passive/aggressive behavior
in Lucy's present. Now, if she bought Ethel a dress that looked like the old rag Ethel PRETENDS
to give her as a gift in part 2 of the Tennessee Ernie Ford ep (along with the milk and bread),
then I'd say you had a point.

Lol at your gift thoughts between Lucy and Caroline, although I highly doubt those shared gifts!!

[–] ProductionNow (1072) 5 years ago

I don't think passive/aggressive was the motive, since there is no payoff for Lucy. I think Lucy was shopping and had a grandiose feeling in trying to impress Ethel by showing her that she could wear something that she never considered, and then Ethel being grateful that Lucy was "smart" enough to modernize her. It was more delusional than anything else, though Lucy was striving to be creative. For example, buying your mother something more trendy and stylish to make her look younger .Add suspension of disbelief by the writers also.

[–] [email protected] (5497) 5 years ago

As far as I can see, the "payoff" for Lucy was that she was still the stylish one. But yes, Lucy was delusional in thinking that Ethel would like something like those hostess pants.

[–] ProductionNow (1072) 5 years ago

You're coming from a point of view where Lucy wanted to get her kicks by manipulating to demean Ethel. I don't see that in this particular case, like other times. Lucy didn't need to connive to look more stylish than Ethel. Lucy seemed sincere in making Ethel happy. It seems Lucy was in her own detached-reality while shopping, which I suppose was somewhat self-centered--but for a positive reason.

[–] [email protected] (5497) 5 years ago

Not really! My POV is not that I think Lucy will enjoy demeaning Ethel. I never wrote that. I don't know what I did write to make you infer that.

However, I think I may be too harsh in my passive/aggressive assessment of her behavior. I think she's being typical Lucy. To me it seems that the clear choice of a gift would be something that Ethel could wear to the theater such as a new jacket or wrap.

I suppose I am projecting my own disappointment about gifts I've received which were totally useless to me. As I wrote before, I never liked getting perfume or other scented items. I had a boyfriend who was wondering what to get his mom for Christmas. We started to discuss gifts in general. I told him how I am very particular about the scents that I like and I didn't like those things as a gift. I especially disliked bubble bath since it makes me itch.

What do you think he gave me for Christmas? One of those scented bath sets with cologne, soap, bubble bath,etc. And it was one of those cheap drugstore ones to boot! Looking back on all the other questionable things that he did (like constantly running out of gas and having to walk to the gas station), it occurred to me that he wasn't really passive/aggressive, just a nitwit!
He would get me things that I specifically said I didn't want because he thought they were a good idea.
Passive/aggressive or not, no matter how "sincere" Lucy actually was didn't really mean much. In the end, she got Ethel something Ethel clearly would never wear. The two women were friends for over a decade. If she didn't know Ethel's taste in clothes by then, well...she wasn't paying attention!

[–] ProductionNow (1072) 5 years ago

It seemed you inferred that due to saying that Lucy did not like to compete, and that the payoff for Lucy was for her to be the (more) stylish one, and by the term "passive-aggressive".

Lucy had enough self-confidence in knowing she was the more stylish one; and didn't need to compete in that area. Of course Lucy should had bought what Ethel would wear and not just what she liked, but remember Lucy's line: "I should had known better than to buy you something from the young and modern shop".

That's why I mentioned before that Lucy was likely doing 2 things:
Surprising Ethel with a gift that she normally would not think of buying for herself, but ended up liking--and at the same time, impressing everybody on her creativity in modernizing Ethel. (for example, when Lucy wanted to redecorate the Mertzes' apt, it wasn't just so Ethel could hold the bridge games there, but she felt bad for Ethel's outdated shabby apt. Lucy was not in selfish-mode 24/7)

[–] [email protected] (5497) 5 years ago

Well, on the one hand, Ethel was not really competition for Lucy. Or at least that's what I think Lucy believed. Her best pal was ten years older and ten pounds heavier.

Yeah true, I think I may have even written (not just implied) that Lucy didn't like competition. It brought out her worst side, like with Caroline Appleby.

And yes, I recall that Lucy wanted to get Ethel a "fun gift", a "gifty gift". But unfortunately her practical minded friend wanted a toaster! lol
There are many instances where someone buys a gift for someone that she wouldn't buy for herself. And the person ends up enjoying it. But not this time. I wonder what DID happen to those hostess pants? I'm guessing Ethel returned them and got her toaster.

[–] ProductionNow (1072) 5 years ago

Those hostess pants should have been burned in Ethel's new toaster.

I found both women were to blame: Lucy for buying something too extreme, and Ethel for not being more tactful and sensitive towards her best friend after she found out Lucy bought them. But, it was one of those events that was blown out of proportion--it's only a pair of pants.