Mature, Modern + Brilliant

I watched it again last night. It wasn't meanness, really, telling Fran about her impending grandmotherly status. It was Sam trying to enforce the reality of the change in their lives. They'd been married twenty years, had a lovely married daughter, who - ironically - had a much happier and sounder married life than they. He welcomed becoming a grandfather, and seeing a new generation. But Fran, who was essentially tired of their relationship, and afraid of time and age - denying it all the way - wasn't ready to accept it. Sam's closeness to his daughter is shown and emphasized earlier in the film. She seems to be as grounded and well-adjusted to a new life as he is, and he holds on to that and welcomes the reciprocal warmth, but it feels to me as if Fran would always be keeping her, her husband, and the little grandson at arm's length.

There's another aspect to their relationship that I noticed watching this very wonderful movie last night:

When Sam returns home alone, we see him in a very frustrated frame of mind because things are out of place compared to how they used to be before he went away. And it was Fran who kept things in order for him at home: the mail, the evening drink; other small but vital details that make home life comfortable. All these attentions, done over a number years, become routine. Taking these along with the other clockwork-like that Fran outlines to Sam at the start of the movie, we can infer that, for 20 years, Fran has been living a life of routines.

We don't know if Sam has come to take all of these attentions for granted, but it wouldn't surprise me. We also see, at the start of the movie, when Fran is outlining the things that tire her, that Sam is not really taking in what she's saying. He isn't comprehending fully when she compares the stagnation she feels in her life with the activity and drive she knows is at the center of his days. Part of what destroys the marriage once they're able to spend time together, is this inability to understand what the other person means when they say something.

We also see, throughout the movie, that Sam expects to get what he wants from people (though the only example that's standing out to me is when he tells the waiter, during the last meeting with Fran, that he wants a drink even though the bar is closed - he gets that drink, too).

His loss of temper at home is mostly due to missing Fran and wanting her home, but coupled with moments like the drink at the ship, we can infer that, at home, over the years, Sam wants what he wants the way he wants it, and lets you know when this hasn't been accomplished. This isn't a weakness; it isn't abuse; it's part of what has made him successful. But, day after day, for a number of years, it can get wearing on the recipient.

I like a story where you can find new dimensions with every viewing. A lovely movie.