From the audience point of view

So my girlfriend says her nephew is playing in a kid’s talent contest on Friday night at the Ritz and were going. I think to myself great I’m wasting a Friday night going to this. We arrive at the Ritz Theater as we’re getting out of my car notes this really beautiful mother with her son by the side entrance. She had on an over coat and a beret, she was knelling down shaking her finger at her son. Just then an older woman came up to her laughing while holding what looked like a gladiator’s costume. Any way we made our way into the theater.
We found our seats about center right and waited for the show to begin. The first act came on stage and sang she’ll be comin around the mountain…Oh boy this is going to be a long night. After about 3 or four acts a little girl comes on stage, off to the left I see the kid I saw outside with his gladiator outfit on. He’s gesturing to a bunch of kids in the first two rows to clap for this little girl. All of a sudden this hand comes from behind the curtain and pulls him back. This girl is so frightened she can’t move than runs off stage. I know I shouldn’t have but I couldn’t help but laugh the whole place was cracking up.
Next up a harmonica player…is this night ever going to end? Out of the corner of my eye I saw that kid’s mom coming down the stairs from behind the stage. I just couldn’t get over how beautiful she was. She was leaning over at the kids telling the something not sure what she said maybe there all going for ice cream after the show to celebrate.
Now the lights in the house drops and the guy putting on the show announces Spanky Jr. The noblest Roman of them all. This kid comes out, starts walking around, and trips on his cape the place goes crazy with laughter. From where I’m sitting I can see a little of what’s happing to the left side of the stage. I saw Spanky’s mother yelling at the MC then she puts her hands on her hips and is mock laughing at the MC. I’m thinking to myself you don’t want to mess with this chick.
So it gets better. The kid starts his act…Friends Roman… Friends Romans… He can’t even get the first line out without being pelted with pea shooters. Now the place is really going crazy. All of a sudden his shield handle breaks off and the place goes nuts again. Now to make things worse he stamps his foot down and his visor is stuck down covering his eyes. The laughter is so infectious I can’t stop laughing at this kid’s predicament. I’ve got to see what his mom thinks about all this. I lean forward to get a better look at the side of the stage. His mother is going crazy yelling at the MC at one point it looked like she was going to walk out onto stage but the MC yanks her back. Then she just seems to disappear.
Now my focus turns back onto the stage. The kid is wondering around trying to get this visor up. I’m laughing so hard my stomach hurts. Then I see a puff of smoke coming from the front of the stage, then I see a flash. The stage lights are popping. All of a sudden this poll appears and swipes off the toupee of the piano player. The poll goes back onto the stage and there this big flash of electricity.
Now it’s bedlam in hear and I’m thinking no way…no way. That can’t be Spanky’s mom behind the curtain with that poll. Now the poll latches on his boot and he falls forward I don’t know what he’s thinking but he’s holding on for dear life. You can see the back of the curtain waving like a flag, lo and behold it’s the kid’s mother. She’s on her knee’s trying to pull him off stage. I must say she looked kind of hot on her knees with a little bit of her slip showing.
You’ll never guess what happens next. The curtain starts to rise slowly all of a sudden there is a look of terror on this women’s face Somehow her dress got snagged on the curtain and it’s going up! Now she twisting and turning trying to free herself before it’s too late. At one point her back is to audience her dress is hiked up to her waste. Somehow now she facing us with a look of panic look on her face then all of a sudden you hear this loud ripping sound. The laughter goes up another 3 decibels. There she is in just her slip, heels and beret staring at the audience with this “what just happed” look on her face. I’m laughing my ass off at this women’s Mortified and humiliating predicament. After scanning the audience with her mouth open she looks up at her dress dangling from the curtain her knees give way and drops to the floor.
Spanky is freaking out hearing the roaring laughter of the packed theater. He runs off the stage to find something to cover her up. He comes back on stage dragging a picture board of some weird looking lien. I never laugh so hard. She is staring up at her dress. I look over to the side of the stage the MC is on the floor and the grandmother howling at her daughter.
Now that his mother is covered up all Spanky wants to do is get off the stage. He makes a B-line to his grandmother in another twist of fate his cape catches the pitcher board and it falls forward exposing his mother to more humiliation. She kind of snaps out of her trance and realizes she is still in her slip in front of hundreds if not thousands of laughing people. She stands up and now she’s jumping up and down trying to grab her dress. I look over at the grandmother and she’s still laughter at her.
She keeps trying to jump up and grab the dress. Finally she grabs the dress now she swing side to side and around in circles. At this point the audience gives her a standing ovation. Slowly the curtain starts to come down as her heels finally hit the ground she starts working to free her dress. With the curtain all most down she frees her dress. She look at her surroundings and realizes she is on the audience side of the curtain. With all the dignity she can muster she looked at the audience in a defiant voice and said well, I hoped you enjoyed the show! Slammed her foot on the floor and walked to the back of the stage.
Because we were first in we were the last out. Outside we walked to the side of the building to get to the parking lot. I looked over at the stage door out came the little boy then the grandmother with a grin on her face then his mother. I knew it was her because you could see slip through her open coat and she had her dress in her hand. What a night at the Ritz!