Jason Statham insulted me

In August of last year, I was working as part of the interview crew for Empire Magazine- setting up lighting and seating for our interviewees. Sylvester Stallone and Jason Statham were promoting The Expendables 3 and were interviewed as a pair. The two of them together in that environment before the cameras even went on, I thought were nice guys- they thanked everyone for our time, from the interviewer right down to the coffee and water boy.

My opinion of Mr. Statham changed however once the interview had wrapped up. Before unscaling the lights, as we usually did, we gave them time to cool down, so I took a break, a rest room break. The facilities available were open to both our crew and whoever we happened to be working with. I entered the rest room, went to briefly check my reflection when in walks Jason Statham- muttering something to himself, or to me, I wasn't quite sure. Anyway, he stood there, looked at me as I made my way over to the urinal and he followed suit. I was somewhat star struck, being away from the rest of the crew as a lowly technician next to a huge action movie actor. As men do, we let nature take its course as far as the urinal was concerned and in the mean time, I struck up the courage to tell Jason how much of fan I was and thanked him for working with us. He smirked and cocked his head a little before, thinking that my eyes were deceiving me, he turned stared at me with a blank face and began to urinate on my shoes. I stood in shock as the yellow stream flowed and I could see the relief and refreshment building in his face, so much so, he began to laugh, maniacally in fact, in my face. Before long, he simply lost it, skipping around, headbanging and jumping with his trousers around his ankles, his urine spraying everywhere.

Thinking that he had composed himself, I calmed myself, as I hope he did himself as he made his way back towards the urinal. He closed his eyes, took a few deep breaths and nodded to himself. Taking a cigar out of his jacket pocket, he lit it and plumes of smoke began to pervade the air. Cigar in mouth, he looked and shrugged at me before looking down at my penis which I hadn't yet put away amidst all that panic. Almost choking on a drag of his cigar, he cocked his head back and began to laugh again, pointing at my penis and hopping up and down on the spot like a mad Texan who had discovered some oil. He came closer to me, blowing cigar smoke in my eyes, wrenching with laughter a matter of inches away from my face. Mr. Statham then proceeded to shake the last few droplets of his urine over me by waggling his penis up and down before nearly dropping his cigar onto my own penis on its way down into the urinal. He wiped his pissy hands down the front of my shirt, leaned in towards me and whispered in my ear "You have a pecker dick" before shimmying backwards, walking backwards staring me down as he left the rest room. That's how Jason Statham insulted me.