The barometer of how bad a film might be...

...does it star McDowell?

Seeing that name, ensures that the project you are considering watching is dreadful bum-gravy.

(With only a few extremely rare early exceptions)

And if Danny Trejo is in it as well, you've found an unholy abomination which even a child suffering from assburgers would flee from.

Which, actually made me hungry before I'd even finished that last sentence. I'm off to Lucky Chip Burgers!