I just had a coffee with a good friend of mine from high school. Some good mories were discussed and even though I hated high school, there was a part of me that wishes I could go back. I'm different now. I'm more miserable now than I was back then, I'm less healthier now and I generally just don't care about stuff. I've turned into Clint "get off my lawn" Eastwood.
I don't miss high school exactly, but I miss the freedom I had back then. I miss hanging out with my friends, most of who I am still friends with, but with careers and families it's not the same. I miss the "newness" of some things. Now it's like...oh I've been there, done that, and wrote a book about it.
Yeah, when I was younger I found myself more excited about simple things. I used to drink coffee before I went to school for a pickup, but now when I drink it in the morning, it just feels like I'm drinking it just to do it.
I remember hating it, or at the very least just counting the days for it to finally be over, so I could never look back. It's not like I was bullied, or sexually assaulted, or anything so major. I was very depressed throughout most of it. My academic achievement was very high, I had lots of good friends, and I was quite successful in my extra-curriculars, but I always felt so imprisoned. It was a large school, and despite my success, I always felt very insignificant. I knew I was smarter than most of my peers, and some of my teachers. I am a lot smarter than my parents, and was already then. They felt the need to rigorously schedule all of my free time, to the point that I don't feel like I had a childhood, just one long series of appointments and prescribed activities. When I was eventually freed, I took it way over the line. I was freedom starved, and I overcompensated big-time. I am now, years later, piecing this all together and trying to have some semblance of a normal life, but I think I'll always wonder what could've been if I had parents who recognized and supported my interests and strengths, instead of foisting their own upon me.
I still have one friend from high school, my best. He and I have been physically separate for a long time, but we remain very close. He's my connection to that time that I've nearly blocked out. He's been going through some serious personal struggles. It's stuff that I dealt with emotionally like 10 years ago myself, and he's catching up to me. On an intellectual level, he's smarter than I am, but sometimes emotes like a little boy. We are sort of meeting in the middle. My own recent personal struggles are for another time, but I feel I've come a long way. Do I miss high school? No. I remember fondly, in a rosy glasses, bittersweet way.
As I said, I hated high school. However I do miss something about it. I remember being in grade 9 thinking that I was never going to finish. The four years were going to be an eternity for me. Then four years after I graduated, I couldn't believe four years passed since I was in high school. Now it's been 19 years since I graduated and sometimes I can't believe it's been that long.
I changed high schools junior year moving in with my aunt. It was a better experience for me and one of the top high schools in the country, Dana Point, Ca. I then had to go back to my original high school, for Senior Year, also one of the top schools, Manhattan Beach, CA. Just shows you money can't buy you everything. I just wanted to get to College as fast I could. University of Mass, Amherst..Here I come.
Yah...I'm 18 ..Amherst is a really beautiful city. Its why I picked the college. The brochure was so pretty, and they were the 20th ranked for Anthropology..I know thats sounds like a joke, but seriously thats why I picked it.