What's the difference between a hooker and a lawyer? a hooker will stop screwing you when you're dead. The other one is how many actors does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 20: one to screw it in and 19 to say how they could've done it better".
shareMy best friend told me this oldie:
A guy goes to the doctor. He says: "doctor, I have this terrible problem." "What is it?", the doctor asks. The man replies: "you see, I keep hearing Tom Jones songs in my head all day, every day." The doctor looks at him interested and reiterates: "so you have Tom Jones songs being played in your head?" The patient looks at the doctor concerned and says: "Yes. I hope I'm going to be okay. Is it normal?" The doctor says: "well, it's not unusual."
Now thatβs a good one!! :)
shareSide effects may include dancing the Carlton!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lxqa2Haf8lo
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LOL!
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The following actually happened:
Flight Attendant: "Sir, I won't ask you again: Fasten your seatbelt!"
Muhammad Ali: "Why? Superman don't need no seatbelt!"
FA: "Superman don't need no airplane either. that's why!"
~~/o/
*doesn't
shareπ
share[deleted]
they had a song about Ali called Black Superman
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KW5qF9fheXw
He knew children looked up to him. Whenever around young fans, who would eagerly come up to him, he never shooed them off like many others would have done in his position, especially given his overconfidence in himself.
Did you know one of the earliest product endorsements he accepted, after making it big, was roach killer, of all things?
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Ali always had money issues.
shareWhy did the Farmer win the Award?
He was Out Standing in his Field.
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I like that it's a Clean Joke. You can tell this to a child, and they might get it and it's not smutty.
shareThat's why guys like:
Jim Varney (Ernest P. Worrell),
Don Knots (Barney),
Paul Ruebens (Pee-wee Herman),
Rowan Atkinson (Mr. Bean) and
Bill Engvall (Bill Engvall?)
are all such cool dudes, you know I mean. (^=^)
I think making family friendly jokes takes a lot more effort to pull off effectively.
~~/o/
Whats a Lawyer chained and drowned at the bottom of the ocean?
A Good Start.
Excellent, a "Loaded Weapon 1" (1993) reference!
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I'm not great with remembering jokes, but I've had a couple friends who would not miss a day without telling a joke.
Quite amazing, and I loved those people.
Some people make the world laugh because, deep down, they cannot.
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" Share with me my sadness and I'll share with you my joy." https://www.google.com/search?sa=X&q=Emmett+Kelly&tbm=isch&source=univ&client=firefox-b-1-d&ved=2ahUKEwjmz_H-qb3iAhUOD60KHcjtDJEQiR56BAgMEBo&biw=1280&bih=619
shareHis face is instantly recognizable to a lot of people, even if they don't know his name. In a way, he had a charm and look everyone was able to relate to, everyone being weary and feeling uncertain about their future during the Great Depression.
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Why is 68 afraid of 70?
Because 69 and 70 got into a fight and 71.
How can you tell the marital status of a female hippo?
If she's single she's a hippotamiss and if she's part of a couple she's hippotomrs.