Looking for movie/TV show quotes about male endowment.

.
South Park Episode: Chinpokomon
(Many references to P size.)
We are very simple people with very small  P. Mr. Hosik's P is especially small!
Mr. Hosik: So small.
Gargantuan American P!

South Park Episode: Osama Bin Laden Has Farty Pants 
Multiple magnifying glasses are needed to see Osama Bin Laden's tiny P.

Sudden Manhattan (1996)
Ian: Tribal territorial ritual
Alex: Pi$$ fight
Ian: My P is bigger than your P.
Alex: No, my P is bigger than your P.
Ian: No, my P is bigger than your P.

Reservoir Dogs (1992)
Mr. Brown: Let me tell you what 'Like a Virgin' is about. It's all about a girl who digs a guy with a big D. The entire song. It's a metaphor for big D.
Mr. Brown: Lemme tell you what 'Like a Virgin' is about. It's all about this cooze who's a regular F machine, I'm talking morning, day, night, afternoon, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D.
Mr. Blue: How many Ds is that?
Mr. White: A lot.
Mr. Brown: Then one day she meets this John Holmes motherFer and it's like, whoa baby, I mean this cat is like Charles Bronson in the 'Great Escape', he's digging tunnels. Now, she's gettin' the serious D action and she's feeling something she ain't felt since forever. Pain. Pain. It hurts her. It shouldn't hurt her, you know, her P should be Bubble Yum by now, but when this cat Fs her it hurts. It hurts just like it did the first time. You see the pain is reminding a f machine what it once was like to be a virgin. Hence, 'Like a Virgin'.

The Gabriels: Election Year in the Life of One Family
Episode: Hungry
Mary Gabriel:  (Explaining how to measure out the perfect amount of spaghetti) My mother had this trick. Say, pasta for two people, you imagine that your hand is wrapped around a man's erect "P". That's how much pasta for two. So she's there in the kitchen and looks over my shoulder and she says very disparagingly "Who have you been going out with?"

That Night (1992)
Mickey: Mine is definitely bigger. Definitely.
Max: It is not!
Mickey: Is so. Because I was born first. Dad told me.
Max: Bull! Mine is ten times bigger, Mickey.
Mickey: Drop dead!
Max: Okay, then prove it!
(They unzip their pants to compare)
Mickey: See, what I tell you.
Max: Hey, you're stretching it! That's a cheat!
Mickey: I am not!
Max: Look, they're even. Exactly even, Mickey.

Erkekler (2013)
When Adem is on top of he building threatening to cut off his "P", the police officer says "I would have cut it off if it would grow back like a black person afterwards."

Whores' Glory (2011)
"I don't want any Africans. They have huge "Ds". They "F" you so hard it hurts."

Sixteen Candles (1984)
Lumberjack: So, What's your name?
Long Duk Dong: Dong.
Lumberjack: What's your first name?
Long Duk Dong: Long.
(Later)
Samantha: You know, just now I really felt how much you like me.
Geek [Farmer Ted]: You're probably zoning in on my brain waves or something.
Samantha: Well, not really, I felt it on my leg.
(Geek [Farmer Ted] reaches into his pants)
Samantha: Come on. I don't want to see it!
(Geek [Farmer Ted] Holds up a roll of Certs)
Samantha: Oh, sorry if I embarrassed you.
Geek (Farmer Ted): I'm not embarrassed. Fresh breath's a priority in my life.

The Bed Sitting Room (1969)
(After Police Sergeant takes Father's measurements.)
Father: I must say, they seemed rather impressed with my inside leg.
Bules Martin: Excuse me sir, but it was a 22 wasn't it?
Father: Yes, I believe it was.
Bules Martin: I say, not many of them left, you know. Like to shake you by the hand.
(Later)
The BBC: When did you first decide to become a politican?
Father: It began when I measured my inside leg one day, as we all do. And I found that I was very well equipped.
(Later)
Nurse Arthur gives Blues Martin and Plastic Mac Man containers for their sperm samples. Plastic Mac Man looks down to see that Blues Martin has a skinny test tube while he has a footed pilsner glass. Plastic Mac Man snickers and Blues Martin embarrassingly hides his test tube under his hat on his lap.

Love Steaks (2013)
Lara: Have you got a flesh or a blood "P"?
Clemens: What?
Lara: I'm really interested. This thing about the "P" when it's cold.
Clemens: Which one is the blood "P"?
Lara: A blood "P" starts off quite small. Well, not really small, but average. And as it gets stiff, it really grows in length and girth. Whereas a flesh "P" is already huge when limp. And they don't grow so much as they stiffen. Flesh or blood?
Clemens: Blood "P".

Slap Her, She's French! (2002)
(Starla introduces Kyle to Genevieve while Kyle is holding a big plate of ribs.)
Genevieve: Never before have I seen a man with such, uh, um, big meat.

???????
.

.
Full Metal Jacket (1987)
Pimp: She says no boom boom with soul brother. She says soul brother too beaucoup. Too beaucoup.
Eightball: Hey, what is this man?
Pvt. Cowboy: I think what he's trying to tell you is that you black boys pack too much meat.
Pimp: (gesturing with his hands far apart) Too beaucoup! Too beaucoup!

Boogie Nights (1997)
Colonel James: I'm looking forward to seeing you in action. Jack says you've got a great big  C.
Eddie Adams: Well, I don't know, I guess so.
Colonel James: May I see it?
Eddie Adams: Really?
Colonel James: Please! [stares as Eddie lowers his shorts] Colonel James: Thank you, Eddie!

Drawn Together Episode: Breakfast Food Killer
Cap'n Crunch: So, Frank says you got a great big C.
Wooldoor: Really?
Cap'n Crunch: May I see it?
Wooldoor: Okay.
Cap'n Crunch: Thank you Wooldoor.

Seinfeld Episode: The Hamptons 
Jerry: Do women know about shrinkage?
Elaine: What do you mean like laundry?
Jerry: No, like when a man goes swimming afterwards.
Elaine: It shrinks?
Jerry: Like a frightened turtle!
Elaine: Why does it shrink?
George Costanza: It just does.

Miracle Workers Episode: 13 Days
(God asks Sanjay to punish Bill Maher by blowing up his P. Instead of the P exploding, it just gets bigger.)
Daily Smash TV show host: Bill Maher, or should we say, Bill more, was feeling cocky as he dragged more than one hotdog down the street. (A picture on the screen depicts Bill walking down the street holding a hotdog in his hand and a large pixelated area at his crotch running down his thigh.) Daily Smash TV show host: His D grew! We asked the religious provocateur how he felt about his blessing and the funny man quipped "God is as fake as my D is real."

My 5 Wives (2000)
Ray: I'm married now. I got two little ones.
Monte: Yeah? I'm single and I've got one little one.
(Later)
Barbara Van Dyke: Oh, I never thought I'd meet a man who could fully understand the complex nature of a woman. Oh, Monte. Tonight's our night. Let's go for the whole nine yards.
Monte: Ooh, hey let's be accurate. We'll go for the whole inch and a half.

The Kentucky Fried Movie (1977)
Game Show Announcer: Guard number one is a senior on Klahn's mountain, and aspires to be a research chemist. Welcome, please, Hung Well! Guard number two is a real skating buff. A warm welcome for Long Wang! Traveling comes naturally to guard number three, as he's a licensed airplane pilot. Welcome, please, Enormous Genitals!

Best Friends (1982)
Nellie Ballou: If there'd been some compensation, that's my word for the year, compensation in bed, might have been more palatable. But I'm telling you he had a pee pistol the size of Robbie's here (Robbie is her son of about 8 years old), uh like that (hoods up her pinky finger).
Ann Babson: I don't think the dinner table is the proper place to talk about Derek's pee pistol.

Burn Burn Burn (2015)
Harasser: You wanna touch his "C"? I've seen it. It's massive. Thick as a baby's arm, love.

Get Crazy (1983)
When Joey's pants get torn off after getting caught in the door, Chantamina looks at his exposed crotch and with a shocked expression says something in Icelandic. The caption say "What a man!"

The Great Outdoors (1988)
Roman: I gotta go to the John, I'll be right back. Gonna introduce Mr Thick "D" to Mr Urinal Cake!

Tart (2001)
Toby: Come back here so I can slice off that little Jew pr!¢k!
Toby (holding the sword by his crotch): Now who's got the biggest pr!¢k, New York?!

Stand by Me (1986)
Vern: [after dropping his hamburger in the campfire by accident] This isn't funny! What am I supposed to eat?
Teddy: Why don't you cook your "D".
Chris: It'd be a small meal.
[Teddy, Chris and Gordie laugh]
(Later)
Gordie: Suck my fat one you cheap dime store hood.
Chris: Suck my fat one? Who ever told you you had a fat one, Lachance?
Gordie: Biggest one in four counties.

Eating Raoul (1982)
Announcer: The barrier between food and sex has total dissolved. (A billboard with a bikini clad woman straddling a giant hot dog is shown with the slogan big weenies are better.)
(Later)
Howard Swine - Swingers Party Host: Hi swingers! I'm Howard Swine, your horny host that's hung with the most. Though I hate to boast, I'm big as a post and warm as toast!

Canadian Bacon (1995)
R.J. Hacker to Stu Smiley: The American public's attention span is about as long as your "D".
(Later)
Honey, building The Canadian National Tower out of mashed potatoes: Kabral, what does this look like to you?
Kabral: Got me. I never saw a white one that size.

Hexed (1993)
Simon (to Gloria and Matthew): Hey, Levine needs you. (Gloria begins to leave)
Simon (to Matthew): You too, needle-"D".

Uncle Nick (2015)
Nick trying to figure out why he can't send the "D" pic says to himself "Says the file is too big." Then he looks at Valerie and says suggestively "Yeah it is."

================
.

.
Animal House (1978)
Katy: Boon, I think I'm in love with a R-word.
Boon: Is he bigger than me?
(Later)
(Otter and Mrs. Wormer are in the supermarket vegetable section)
Eric 'Otter' Stratton: Mine's bigger.
(Marion looks questioningly at him)
Eric 'Otter' Stratton: My cucumber. It's bigger. I think vegetables can be very sensuous, don't you?
Marion Wormer: No, vegetables are sensual. People are sensuous.
Eric 'Otter' Stratton: Right. Sensual. That's what I meant. My name's Eric Stratton. People call me Otter.
Marion Wormer: My name's Marion. People call me Mrs. Wormer.
Eric 'Otter' Stratton: Oh, we have a Dean Wormer at Faber.
Marion Wormer: How interesting. I have a husband named Dean Wormer at Faber. Still want to show me your cucumber?

Top of the Lake Episode: The Loved One
Ray (Pathologist) to Robin Griffin: You know if I'd have had a bigger P, I would've tried to marry you.
(Later)
Puss to Brett: Got a big schlong, yeah? (The prostitute sitting behind Brett shakes her head no and gestures with her thumb and forefinger while the other prostitutes laugh.)

Let's Get Physical Episode: Winner's Blood
Joe talking to a cardboard cutout of his dad: "You old pervert. You liked it when people looked at your dong. Look at that, your big D. That's one thing you gave me."

Mom Episode: Diamond Earrings and a Pumpkin Head
Bonnie: It looks like someone's over compensating!
Kristy: Actually no. He was pretty good in that department.
Bonnie: Really? He looks like a guy that'd have a wee dingle.
Kristy: A wee dingle?
Bonnie: Yeah. Like a strawberry peaking up out of the leaves.
Kristy: You can tell by looking at a guy?
Bonnie: Measure the distance between their eyes, multiply by three.

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (1989)
Clark: And, there are plenty of shopping days left until adulteries, adulthood, which is to say christmas, as in yule, yule log. Not a log, I don't have a log. I mean you know. If I had a log, not in the sense that you think I said I did. Good golly. 'Tis the season to be merry.

Nobody's Fool (1994)
Carl (Talking about the dog): You know who he reminds me of? You.
Sully: Yeah, he is pretty well hung, at that.
(Later)
Sully: Boy, I wouldn't sit here too long. Tip of your "D" will freeze to the top of the step. Oh, I forgot. Yours ain't that long.
Rub: Yours ain't either.
Sully: 'Cause I fold it. Wanna know how many times I fold it?
Rub: It would hurt if you folded it.
Sully: Not mine.

Aries Spears: Comedy Blueprint (2016)
Aries: What's your name, dog?
Audience member: Mario.
Aries: N-word, put some base in your voice. You representing for all of us. You're supposed to say that like your "D" was heavy. "Mario" (drops mic oh floor). Like you move your "S" in a wheelbarrow. "I'm gonna "F" the "S" out this "B". As soon as I get home, I'm uncoil it."
(Later)
Aries: (mimicking a white woman at a club watching a black man dancing) I bet he'd "F" me, he's like an angry loose monkey. Just "F-ing" me with that huge N-word "D".

Cadillac Man (1990)
Molly (Holding the invoice to the 7th car she has sold in Joe's face): Seven, Joe. Seven!
Joe (Holding his hands apart): No, ten. Ten!
Molly (Holding up a pen with about 2 inches exposed): Centimeters.
Little Jack: Oh, that's cruel.
(Later)
Larry: You! Little tough guy with the tattoo. You been doin' Donna, ain't you? Huh?
Frankie: (Shakes his head, no)
Larry: Answer me you little "S"! Stick your little toy "D" in there, huh?!
Frankie: I swear to god I didn't "F" your girlfriend!

I'm Gonna Git You Sucka (1988)
Cherry: Any man with such a strong name and strong body probably has exactly what I need.
Jack Spade: What's that?
Cherry (Holding her hands far apart): Twelve inches.
Jack Spade: Twelve inches.(laughs) Well, uh, I guess I do.
Cherry: Well, hello mister right.
(Later)
Cherry: Give me all the twelve inches.
Jack Spade: We gotta talk about the twelve. About those twelve inches, I lied. I really don't have twelve inches.
Cherry: No?
Jack Spade: I hope I didn't disappoint you.
(Later)
(During the shoot out between Hammer and Slammer and two of Mr. Big's men)
Big man #1: How come their guns are so much bigger than ours?
Big man #2: It's a phallic thing. I don't know.

Mrs. Doubtfire (1993)
Mrs. Doubtfire (to Stu): You own that big expensive car out there? Oh, dear, well they say a man who has to buy a big car like that's trying compensate for smaller genitals, is he?
(Later)
After Stu gets out of the pool, Mrs. Doubtfire looks down at his crotch and says "By the looks of you that water is sooo cold."

9 to 5 (1980)
Doralee (fantasy sequence): You got a nice "A", Frank! But, you know, you oughta get your pants cut a little tighter, you need to bring ‘em up just a little in the crotch. I mean you got a nice package, you might as well show it off.

===========================
.

.
Mad (2016)
After sleeping with Handsome Brian , Casey writes: We kissed as he entered me and my lower half went numb. In that moment, I felt as what I would assume a Parapalegic would feel the instant their toes no longer feel a part of them. He had a big C, and I feel as though that was part of it. But was nice to be, to be minded. To have anyone, let alone a man, mind my body in such a way, that it would feel as though any moment it might all come apart. But in a good way. Everything about him felt destructive, but in a good way. I guess. Should I savor this moment as a one-off?"

TransFatty Lives (2015)
Showed the short film"The Man with the Smallest P in Existence and the Electron Microscope Technician Who Loved Him (2003)"

The Shickles (2016)
Nana Shickles: He was always my angel, my best friend. And the schwanz on that man, like a stallion he's hung.

Wetlands (2013)
Referring to her fathers style of dancing.
Helen: To dance like that you gotta have loads of money or a big D, or both, like my father.

Human Nature (2001)
Louise: He has an extremely small P of which he's mortifyingly ashamed of.
Nathan Bronfman: What is love anyway? From my new vantage point, I realize that love is nothing more than a messy conglomeration of need, desperation, fear of death and insecurity about P size.

Mallrats (1995)
Rene: That was too little too late.
Brodie: Too little? You said it was a good size!
Rene: The effort, you R-word. The effort was too little too late.
Rene: But, now that you mention it, when a girl says its a good size, that's a nice way of saying that it's small.

Soul Man (1986)
Whitney Dunbar after finding out that Mark Watson is really white says: That's why!

Bill Burr: You People Are All the Same. (2012)
(If) you got a truck with a big lift kit, people: "It's probably because you have a little "D"." How come it's not 'cause he has a "D" down to the floor? Maybe that's why he needs all that clearance, right? You know? If that means you have a little "D", if I have a Prius doesn't that mean I have a huge "D", right?
(Later)
Next time you're in a battle with your beautiful woman, your wife, girlfriend, whatever, and they start out of nowhere, okay, you're winning and they just start saying that crazy "S" out of nowhere. Just know in that moment you've won the fight, okay? All right, don't get mad. Bob and weave, slip all of that "S". "Maybe 'cause you have a little "D"!" Just let that slide.

Jim Gaffigan: Quality Time (2019)
How they pick on me recently is they make fun of my, what they call my huge boy part. Now before you think I'm walking around the house naked, or in fact have a huge boy part, you should know that, like, when you have young sons, you have to constantly encourage them to use the bathroom, and if you've a dad, sometimes you pee with them, so that's why they've seen my boy part. But that doesn't explain why sometimes at dinner, they'll just point at me and giggle, and go, "Dad and his huge boy part." And I never know what to say. I'm like, "Guilty." "Got me again. Did you hear that honey?"

The Amityville Murders (2018)
Donna: You needle "D", piece of "S", son of a "F-ing" "B"!

The Brady Bunch Movie (1995)
Mrs. Dena Dittmeyer: Oh Greg, I'm so glad you're here, I've got some more of your mail. Oh gee, your hands are full. Let me (she slides the mail and her hand into the front pocket of Greg's tight pants). My you've gotten so big. You're almost as big as your daddy.
Greg: And I'm still growing.
Mrs. Dena Dittmeyer: (looks up from his crotch) Right before my very eyes. Pants are so tight.

Welcome Home, Roxy Carmichael (1990)
(Getting dressed after having sex)
Scotty Sandholtzer: What's the matter? Hmm? Is it something about us? Nobody in the faculty knows. Nobody!
Elizabeth Zaks: No, I don't care about that, it's well...
Scotty Sandholtzer: What? You can tell me.
Elizabeth Zaks: It's Dinky.
Scotty Sandholtzer: You never thought so before.
(Both laugh)

Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982)
"Little Pr!¢k" written on Damone's car and locker.

The Voice in Your Head (2020)
Jim to Dan in the shower: "Your "P" is very small. Yeah. It is true what they say, most women, size doesn't even matter, but ah, yours is just small enough to disqualify you from that.

Good Boys (II) (2019)
Lucas: Stop thinking with your big ol' "D", Max. That could go on our permanent record.
Thor: Max's big ol' "D" is pointing us in the right direction.
(Later)
(Thor tries to walk out of the store with a beer bottle down the front of his pants)
Officer Sacks: What do you have in your pants?
Thor: My "P"?
Officer Sacks: Pull it out.
(Thor removes the bottle)
Thor: I also have a big "D".
(Later)
Fraternity pledge nicknamed "D-less".

The Girl (2012)
Alfred Hitchcock: There was a young man from Nantucket. Who had such a large "C" he could suck it. He looked in the glass, and saw his own "A", and broke his neck trying to "F" it.

???
.

.
Bobcat Goldthwait's Misfits & Monsters Episode: Mermaid
Allan: You dated Neptune?!
Mermaid: (gesturing with her hands far apart by her crotch) Yeah, well, he has a really - big - trident.

The Unbelievable Truth (1989)
Emmet: She's sleeping with some guy who's got a bigger C, I know it!

Blame It on Rio (1984)
Matthew: It was just what I needed: a one inch god with a two inch P.

Family Guy Episode: Trump Guy
During the White House press briefing.
Reporter: Peter, America wants to know what you're packing up there. I've heard 11 inches, true?
Another reporter: I've also heard 11 inches.
Peter: Alright any non-11 inch questions?
Another reporter: I've heard 4 handbreadths.

Personal Services (1987)
Sydney's nickname is B.C.S.D. which stands for "big car, small D".
Christine: It's true Shirley. I can't find it. I spend all my time rummaging inside his pajamas looking for his little willy. It's hopeless... No romance. No D. Not like Mr. Popozogolu. He had a really funny one. It was like it wasn't long but, my god it was- what's that German sausage called? Salami? Liverwurst. It was like a lump of liverwurst.

Click (2006)
When Michael is born.
Doctor: It's a girl! Wait a minute. I'm sorry, it might be a boy. Maybe that's a P?
Mom: That's a tiny schmekel.
Morty: Your mother must have had some superpower eyesight, 'cause - I didn't see anything.
Michael: Oh, hardy-har-har!
(Later) Michael tells his parents "My schmeckel got bigger now that I'm older, just so you guys know that."
Mom: It couldn't have gotten any smaller.
His parents burst out laughing.
Dad: It looked like a little Tic-Tac.
Mom: Yeah.
Mom & Dad laugh.
Michael: Yeah. Come here, I'll freshen your breath.

Dead Like Me Episode: Rest in Peace
Daisy giving Mason advice on how to pick up a woman:
Daisy: Just be yourself. Only smarter, richer, more successful, clean shaven and I'm guessing, a bigger C.

The Night Digger (1971)
Mrs. Edith Prince: I knew Mrs. Palafox would save the day.
Mr. Bolton: We are in her debt.
Mrs. Edith Prince: A remarkable woman.
Mr. Bolton: A truly remarkable woman. In fact, I've often thought, Mrs Prince, if only she had been the Reverend Palafox and well, vice versa. She's such a splendid organizer and he, we all love him dearly. Do we not? But he isn't exactly what you'd call "a live wire". If you see what I mean?
Mrs. Edith Prince: What do you mean Mr. Bolton?
Mr. Bolton: I just think they're the wrong way around.
Mrs. Edith Prince: The wrong way around?!
Mr. Bolton: I mean that Mrs. Palafox should really be a man.
Mrs. Edith Prince: Are you suggesting that Mrs. Palafox should have an operation?! What a dreadful thing to say!
Mr. Bolton: Oh, no, no, no, I didn't. I wouldn't. dream of suggesting it.
Mrs. Edith Prince: Can't bear to think about it. Disgusting idea!
Mr. Bolton: But my dear Mrs. Prince, I didn't say...
Mrs. Edith Prince: That is quite enough Mr. Bolton! We won't discuss it any further. the subject is closed. It really is remarkable what these doctors are transplanting nowadays.
(Later)
Mrs. Edith Prince: Millicent, Mr. Bolton has told me something very interesting. She's going to have an operation.
Mrs. Millicent McMurtrey: Who?
Mrs. Edith Prince: Mrs. Palafox.
Mrs. Millicent McMurtrey: What sort of an operation, for heavens sake?
Mrs. Edith Prince: It'll be an operation to turn her into a man.
Mrs. Millicent McMurtrey: Edith! What are you talking about? You're not serious?!
Mrs. Edith Prince: I'm perfectly serious, Milkicent.
Mrs. Millicent McMurtrey: Gracious me!
Mrs. Edith Prince: He said that the Reverend Palafox would have to be operated on at the same time
Mrs. Millicent McMurtrey: But Reverend Palafox already is a man.
Mrs. Edith Prince: Oh! To turn him into a woman!
Mrs. Millicent McMurtrey: Edith! Oh! That's the most awful, horrible thing I've ever heard! Does that mean that she... Mrs. Palafox will become the minister!
(Later)
Mrs. Palafox: Poor Rupert. Did you know, Edith, he has to go into hospital tomorrow?
Mrs. Edith Prince: Nothing serious, I hope
Mrs. Palafox: Well, no operation is ever very pleasant, is it?
Mrs. Edith Prince: No, indeed.
Reverend Rupert Palafox: One invariably comes away with something or other missing, eh?
Mrs. Millicent McMurtrey: Poor man.
Mrs. Edith Prince: Is it something internal, Mr. Palafox?
Mrs. Palafox: Oh, no, Edith, nothing like that.
Mrs. Edith Prince: External, then?
Reverend Rupert Palafox: External is right!
Mrs. Palafox: Oh, it won't take a moment, actually. They're just going to snip it off.
Mrs. Millicent McMurtrey: Snip it off?! Oh, my dear!
Mrs. Palafox: Well, you see, it's got a lot bigger lately. And that scares me.
Reverend Rupert Palafox: It's only a little growth, Maude.

Downsizing (2017)
After Paul is downsized, he wakes up and the first thing he does is to check under the sheet to make sure his "P" wasn't downsized too much.

Popeye (1980)
Prostitute to Popeye: Ooh, is that a bankroll you got in your pocket?
===
.

.
Staten Island Summer (II) (2015)
Ms. Greeley: Anthony, would you say you have a big "D"?
(Later)
Frank: Oh, "F". It's an actual biker. That guy looks like he has a tattoo of Satan on his 12-inch "D".
(Later)
Frank: You're only getting the blue ones?
Danny: Yes. why? You get Magnums?
Frank: No, but she thinks I use them.
Danny: What the "F" are you talking about?
Frank: Okay. I buy Magnums and I buy regular ones. I open up the Magnum package, take out the condom put in a regular size condom and reseal it.
Danny: Are you psychotic?
Frank: No. I'm a genius, Danny. I have a very average "D". I'm rolling six deep, maybe. (To the cashier) It's not big. (To Danny) But the second that girl sees a golden ticket, she's gonna be like "Whoa, this guy has a baseball bat." And it doesn't even matter, because everything feels the same in the dark. (To the cashier) So, three boxes of Magnums, please.
Danny: No, I don't want those.
Frank: No,no,no.
Danny: I'm not getting those.
Frank (singing): You got a bigger "D". a big fake "D". You think it's a fake "D" but its a real fake "D". Chorus. Big "D". Big, big, big fake "D".
(Later)
Ms. Greeley: They should call you UPS because you are carrying a package.
Chuck: Thank you. I come from a long line of big "Ps". My dad had a big "D", and my grandfather before him, and his father before him supposedly had a very big "D" as well.
(Later)
Rachel: Wait, what is this? Is this a
Magnum?
Frank: Let me see. Oh, yeah, I guess. The ushe.
Rachel: Oh, um, I don't think I can do this.
Frank: What? Really? Why not?
Rachel: Because I don't want to have sex with a weird giant "D".
Frank: Whoa, I don't have a giant "D". I have a big "D". I don't have a big "D". I have a very average "D".
(Later)
Frank (rapping): I got a lotta "D" for all you Dixie Chicks.

A Perfect World (1993)
Terry James Pugh: Say, those are some real cute little underwears you got on there, boy. Your mama sew your name in them? Initials or anything? Huh? Let's see what you got down there. [Terry pulls down Philip's shorts] Kinda puny, ain't it?
(Later)
Butch Haynes: You don't want to get undressed in front of me? Is that it?... You're embarrassed 'cause I might see your pecker?
Phillip Perry: ...It's... puny.
Butch Haynes: What?
Phillip Perry: It's puny.
Butch Haynes: Who told you that?
Phillip Perry: [sits sullenly]
Butch Haynes: Lemme see.
Phillip Perry: [shifts uncomfortably]
Butch Haynes: Go on - I'll shoot you straight.
Phillip Perry: [pulls down shorts]
Butch Haynes: Hell no, Phillip. Good size, for a boy your age.
Phillip Perry: [smiles broadly]
(Later)
Lt. Tom Hendricks: Cordoned off the area.
Chief Red Garnett: Tight?
Lt. Tom Hendricks: Watertight. Like a frog's pu$$y. Sorry, ma'am.
Sally Gerber: No doubt an observation based on personal experience.

The Cat's Meow (2001)
(Charlie Chaplin walks away)
Thomas Ince: Ah, the little pr!¢k!
George Thomas: Really? I heard he's got a pretty big one.
(Later)
Louella Parsons (refering to the yacht): Gosh, this thing is big, isn't it?
Elinor Glyn: Yes, dear, but does he know how to use it?
(Everyone laughs)
(Later)
Didi: Is it true what they say about a jazz man and his (pauses and looks down at his crotch) instrument?
Black saxophonist: Every word, sister.
(Later)
Celia: He's a little short, but, uh, then every man in this town is, uh, (holds her thumb and index finger a couple of inches apart) much smaller than you'd like him to be.

The Birdcage (1996)
Armand: Celsius, look, this may be a drag show, but it still has to be a good drag show, if possible a great drag show.
Albert: Yeah, so just because you're twenty-two and hung doesn't mean that you can...
Armand: Let me do this, Albert.
(Later)
Armand: A woman is said to be worth her weight in hens. And a man's wealth is measured by the size of his "C".
(Later)
Senator Kevin Keeley: She called you mother Coleman.
Albert: Kevin, Kevin, nothing's changed, it's still me, with one tiny difference. Well, not tiny. (Laughs)

Girlfriends (1978)
Eric: Susan your entire apartment could fit in this place.
Susan Weinblatt: It's not the size that counts, right Eric?

The Boost (1988)
Linda Brown: Joel, now what about your "C", is it big? Whip it out.

Back to School (1986)
Thornton Melon: What's your favorite subject?
Bubbles: Poetry.
Thornton Melon: Really? Well, maybe you can help me straighten out my Longfellow.

Laggies (2014)
Megan: Hi, Matt, this is to certify that this is the big fat "C" I ordered.

Weird Science (1985)
Gary Wallace : I think the girls are lookin' for a long, lean bone job from me.

?
.

.
Austin Powers in Goldmember (2002)
Dixie Normus: Hi I'm Dixie, Dixie Normus
(Later)
Nigel Powers: So, little fella, I'm curious. Is, uh, everything in proportion?
Mini-Me: [Mini-Me looks confused by the question]
Nigel Powers: You know, your bobby dangler, your general-two-colonels, your giggle stick, master of ceremonies. Yeah, now don't be shy, let's have a look.
Mini-Me: [Mini-Me unzips his pants. There is the sound of a thud on the floor]
Nigel Powers: My word! You're a tripod. What do you feed that thing, eh? It's like a baby's arm holding an apple. The good news is, you ever get tired, you can use it as a kickstand!
Mini-Me: [Mini-Me nods, smiling]
(Later)
Brittney Spears (To Mini-Me): Is it true what they say about you?
[Mini-Me whispers in her ear.]
Brittney Spears: Kickstand, really? Um, can I give you my cell phone number? Please?
(Later)
Austin Powers: [To his father] Your spy car's a mini?
Nigel Powers: It's not the size, mate. [Nigel turns to Foxxy] It's how you use it.
(Later)
Dr. Evil: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my new submarine lair. It's long and hard and full of seamen!
(Later)
Mr Roboto's partially obscured subtitle: I have a huge rod. (Actual subtitle: I have a huge rodent problem).
Austin's partially obscured subtitle: I do have a huge rod (Actual subtitle: I do have a huge rod... I wish.)

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997)
[returning Austin's personal property after reanimating him]
Quartermaster Clerk: One Swedish-made "P" enlarger.
Austin Powers: [to Vanessa] That's not mine.
Quartermaster Clerk: One credit card receipt for Swedish-made "P" enlarger signed by Austin Powers.
Austin Powers: I'm telling ya baby, that's not mine.
Quartermaster Clerk: One warranty card for Swedish-made "P" enlarger pump, filled out by Austin Powers.
Austin Powers: I don't even know what this is! This sort of thing ain't my bag, baby.
Quartermaster Clerk: One book, "Swedish-made "P" Enlargers And Me: This Sort of Thing Is My Bag Baby", by Austin Powers.

Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me (1999)
[Noticing Dr. Evil's spaceship on radar]
Radar Operator: Colonel, you better have a look at this radar.
Colonel: What is it, son?
Radar Operator: I don't know, sir, but it looks like a giant...
Jet Pilot: Dick. Dick, take a look out of starboard.
Co-Pilot: Oh my God, it looks like a huge...
Bird-Watching Woman: Pecker.
Bird-Watching Man: [raising binoculars] Ooh, Where?
Bird-Watching Woman: Over there. What sort of bird is that? Wait, it's not a woodpecker, it looks like someone's...
Army Sergeant: Privates. We have reports of an unidentified flying object. It has a long, smooth shaft, complete with...
Baseball Umpire: Two balls.
[looking up from game]
Baseball Umpire: What is that. It looks just like an enormous...
Chinese Teacher: Wang. pay attention.
Wang: I was distracted by that giant flying...
Musician: Willie.
Willie Nelson: Yeah?
Musician: What's that?
Willie Nelson: [squints] Well, that looks like a huge...
Colonel: Johnson.
Radar Operator: Yes, sir?
Colonel: Get on the horn to British Intelligence and let them know about this.
(Later)
Basil: Did we get Dr. Evil?
Radar Operator: No, sir, he got away in that big spaceship that looks like a huge...
Teacher: "P". The male reproductive organ. Also known as tallywhacker, schlong, or...
Friendly Dad: Wiener? Any of your kids want another wiener?
Friendly Son: Dad, what's that?
Friendly Dad: I don't know, son, but it has great big...
Peanut Vendor: Nuts. Hot, salty nuts. Who wants some?...
Peanut Vendor: Lord Almighty!
Woman: That looks just like my husband's...
Circus Barker: ONE-EYED MONSTER. Step right up and see the One-eyed Monster!
Cyclops: RARRR.
Cyclops: Hey, what's that? It looks like a...
Fan: Woody. Woody Harrelson. Could I have your autograph?
Woody: Sure. Oh, my Lord! Look at that thing!
Fan: It's so huge.
Woody: No, I've seen bigger. That's...
Dr. Evil: Just a little pr!¢k.

Witness (1985)
(Perhaps not intended. There is a lot of sexual tension in this scene. Rachel looks down in the direction of John's pants repeatedly.)
Rachel: You know carpentry.
John Book: Yeah. A bit.
Rachel: Can you do anything else?
John Book: Whacking. I'm hell at whacking.
Rachel Lapp: (looks down at his lower body) Whacking is not much use on a farm. (Looks down again with a sly smile and turns away)
Rachel: (Turns back looking down at his pants with a sly grin) Tomorrow I'll (looks up and pauses still smiling) let out those trousers (looks down at his pants again) for you.
John Book: (Looks down at his pants and raises his eyebrows) Good.
.

.
Splash (1984)
When Allen and Freddie are pretending to be Swedish scientists so they can rescue Madison, the guard is suspicious of them so he asks them in Swedish: "What are two Swedish scientists doing so far from Sweden?" Freddie, who only knows some Swedish from watching Swedish porn, replies "Hey babe! I got a twelve inch P!" The guard smiles and nods his head, accepting his explanation.

The Upside (2017)
(Dell inserting the urinary catheter for the first time.)
Dell: This don't look like it's gonna fit, man.
Phillip: That's what she said.

Pretty Persuasion (2005)
Brittany Wells: Did it hurt?
Kimberly Joyce: Kind of. But, it hurt less with Warren than it might have with other boys, if you catch my drift.

Mutant Species (1995)
Lazano: Hey lieutenant, I gotta go to the bathroom.
Jones: Tie a knot in it, Lazano.
Tex: That's a big negative, sir. He ain't got the length, and he damn sure ain't got the strength.
Lazano: "S", Texas, cut an inch off your "D", you got a scab on your "A".
(Later)
Soldier 1: God I hate these "F-ing" tubes.
Soldier 2: That's 'cause you got a little "D".

How to Talk to Girls at Parties (2017)
(The crowd knocks Slap down on the stage and are grabbing at him)
Slap: There's your seven-inch!
(Later)
John: Why don't we go for a bit of a swing in that kids park instead?
Enn: "F" me!
Vic: I'd hurt you, Enn.
(Later)
Zan: Your "P" is small and folded like the bud of a tiny pink flower.

Tusk (I) (2014)
Wallace Bryton: I always think of Canadians as just, nice.
Border Agent: Well, that right there is another Cana-don't. We're not nice, we're optimistic. There is a difference.
Wallace Bryton: Right.
Border Agent: And we're tolerant.
Wallace Bryton: Hmm.
Border Agent: And we're hung like moose.
Wallace Bryton: Oh!
[Both laughing]
(Later)
Wallace Bryton: That's a walrus "D"?
Howard Howe: No, no. That's the baculum. That's the bone in the "P" of most placental mammals, excluding man, of course.
Wallace Bryton: Ah, that's not fair.
Howard Howe: Well, it is an aid of sexual intercourse. It maintains the stiffness for the animal during coital penetration.
Wallace Bryton: Hey, you got something like this between your legs, you don't need any help with coital penetration.

Article 99 (1992)
Dr. Peter Morgan: I think what you need is another drink.
Dr. Diana Walton: I think what I need is to get laid.
Dr. Peter Morgan: Excuse me?
Dr. Diana Walton: (Undressing) You don't have a hearing problem, do you?
Dr. Peter Morgan: No.
Dr. Diana Walton: Oh, I'm sorry. Did I get the wrong impression?
Dr. Peter Morgan: (Laughing) No, no, no. It just isn't exactly the way I... what I expected, is all.
Dr. Diana Walton: Oh. You expected, uh... What? More romance? Shall I go out and get a candle or something?
Dr. Peter Morgan: No. May I... (Starts looking in a drawer) I got a candle. (Holds up a birthday cake candle)
Dr. Diana Walton: I was hoping for something a little larger.
(Both laugh)

Diary of a Hitman (1991)
Shandy: You work security at the art museum lately?
Dekker: I was working there last spring, April.
Shandy: They seem to be missing a bronze vessel. Late Chow dynasty. I think they said it's pronounced Joe. Joe, Chow what's the difference, huh? Fourth century B.C.
Piccolo: That's third century.
Shandy: Eh, give or take. You know these cases, nine out of ten times it's a security guard that did it. Why's that Pic?
Piccolo: 'cause nine times out of ten, security learned the skills in the joint.
Shandy: Got that right. Yep, security, they're either ex-offenders or ex-cops. You packin' a bronze vessel?
Dekker: 'at ain't no bronze vessel in my pocket, Shandy. I'm just happy to see you.
(Later)
Kiki: Mighty big toolbox not to hold a screwdriver.
Dekker: I'm pretty well equipped.
KIki: I'll bet.

Lez Bomb (2018)
John: So, Hailey, how strict a vegetarian would you say that you are?
Lauren: Hey, John, we're exclusively vegetarian.
John: (Holding his thumb and forefinger about an inch apart) I mean, can she handle, like, a little sausage?

Married to It (1991)
Leo: Why did you marry me?
Claire: You're the second largest "P" I've seen.
Leo: (Laughs) Okay. "Who has the first?" he asked begging for trouble.
Claire: A statue in the piazza Signoria.
(Later)
John: Claire is a very vivacious woman. And, uh, she's got great "Ts".
Iris: Great "Ts"? What a thing to say.
John: A simple observation.
Iris: It is a rude and inappropriate comment to make about a friend in pain. Do I say "Gee, Chuck's a bright, interesting guy, and I'll bet he's hung like a gorilla."?
John: I'll bet he's not.

Honeymoon Academy (1989)
Chris: Well, one of us was hanging naked from a stairway.
Sean: You think he was impressed?
Chris: Oh, I think everyone in the lobby was impressed. But especially me.

????
.