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They’re Casting The MovieChat Movie. Who Should Play You?

posted 5 years ago by R_Kane (15828)
47 replies | jump to latest

In a stunning, gorgeous, unprecedented move that you don’t understand and has to be explained to you by a Clickbait harlot, DC and Marvel have announced a joint venture motion picture project that will make Gone With The Wind, Jaws, Star Wars and SusanSmith’s sex tape look like home video. The project is MovieChat: The Movie. Projected budget is one billion Euros. David Mamet, William Shakespeare and Diablo Cody are penning the script, based on an idea by a Marvel executive’s 11 year-old son, who is courageously undergoing surgery to become a lesbian daughter. SFX will be by Industrial Light and Magic, Digital Domain and Ray Harryhausen. Quentin Tarantino and Donald Trump will share the directing chores. Trump is insisting that the scene in Stratego’s basement must be kept in the film, and that his adult entertainment girlfriend, Stormy Danials, has a part (of something other than him), so the Rating will be at least R, possibly NC-17. The plot revolves around a Romanian bumpkin named Croft—who enjoys shooting rabbits and dogs, and lying—who, along with his best friend, Ben, is captured by space aliens, the Guardians of the Galaxy, The Justice League of America and Larry David, probed and re-probed, found wanting, and dropped back on earth with extremely large Band-Aids athwart their rumps. Ben is dropped in Europe, Croft in the US. The only way they can get back home is to find the answers to 200 MovieChat Clickbait questions, and two posts with no more than a total of four words in them, asking for the title of a movie, and/or the home address of someone the poster is stalking. The only source of these answers is MovieChat posters (yay us!)! Croft and Ben have to find the MC posters in real life, befriend us, and have us give them the answers they need. Because both Croft and Ben lack charm, money, social skills and hygiene, the only currency they have to offer is their willingness to perform humiliating tasks. SO: Who should play you? Pick anyone from any era. What tasks would you assign Croft and/or Ben? Are you ready for your close-up now? Are you ready to go on Celebrity Big Brother? Have you actually read Orwell’s novel, 1984? Have fun! Oh, Extra Credit: what kind of a contract do you want for the rights to your user-name and persona?

This is my five thousandth post on this site. I’d like to take this milestone to cite and honor some posters who mattered to me who have become, to me at least, conspicuous because we have lost them. I salute:
Dazed
Catbookss
MissMargoChanning
SentientMeat
LeiaOfLothlorian
Daisy
thewaitress
charliekelly
chrisjdel
pankoeken

[–] R_Kane (15828) 5 years ago

The actor who most resembles me physically is Tom Cruise, although I am not a fan. We are very close in size and build, but he doesn’t have my cleft chin. Ha ha, Tom: I’ve got more Testosterone! Nya-nya. Tom and I both hail from Syracuse, NY, and we were both smart enough to get out of there. My task for Ben involves a meat grinder, his tongue, fingers and toes, so he can never post online again, not by typing, not by speech recognition, not by His Left (or Right) Foot. My task for Croft is relatively mild: he faces a firing squad of bunnies🐰🐰🐰🐰 and doggies🐶🐶🐶🐶 armed with AK-47s and flame throwers 😵😵😵⚰️⚰️⚰️. For my contract: place one Euro on the first square of a chessboard. Place two Euros on the next square, four on the third, eight on the fourth, and so on, doubling the number of Euros with each successive square.

[–] twinA (4826) 5 years ago

Love the script so far, R_Kane! It shows ingenuity. Will craft more of my role soon.
I am one of those kinds of people who have to think after listening and reading before creating ideas.
The comedian-actor Charley Chase is my closest match physically that i can think of, though I am a little taller and deeper voice.
https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0153713/?ref_=nv_sr_1
I thought of you as looking like Lee Marvin. I say that as a compliment.
Let's keep this ball rolling and others shall join the fun.

~~/o/

[–] R_Kane (15828) 5 years ago

Thank you, twin. We did this topic on the Entertainment Weekly message boards a long time ago, and it actually turned into a treatment for the film’s narrative, kind of The Stand meets The Lord of the Rings, with jokes.

I am blessed with very oily skin, so I don’t have a craggy face like Lee Marvin, and I hit the gym more often than he, and I lack what I think was his height. I am 5’8”. Lee Marvin always struck me as being a no-nonsense tough so-and-so, with a strong sense of fair play. If you combine that with a sense of humor and a scholarly approach, we’re essentially pretty close.

[–] twinA (4826) 5 years ago

A cross with the Lord of the Rings. It must have been quite expansive with a ton of material!

~~/o/

[–] R_Kane (15828) 5 years ago

We had over 2,500 posts, i am Happy to say,

[–] twinA (4826) 5 years ago

Impressive! The best ideas always start small and work the ground up.

A saying goes:

We plant the seeds knowing it will not benefit us during our lifetime, but to nurture future generations as a tree giving them shade.

~~/o/

[–] R_Kane (15828) 5 years ago

I copied and pasted the whole topic into Word for posterity. The file is more than one megabyte. The topic ran for over a year.

It’s possible, people, even without IMDb/Amazon. If you build it (the topic, the site) with actual thought, research, love and the desire to entertain others and not just yourself—as opposed to posting the first “thought” that popped into your head and is of no interest or connection to anyone in the world other than you—well, then, they will come.

If you build it well, they will come.

2,500 one-topic posts. We felt like a community, and we had fun.

[–] halomaniac88 (1736) 5 years ago

show us some pictures or you are full of shit

[–] captainbucky (15252) 5 years ago

Ha!

[–] Frogarama (12942) 5 years ago

I mostly resemble Giovanni Ribisi. My friend Derek mistook Giovanni Ribisi for me once. I have also been compared to Christian Bale and Tobey Macguire.

[–] Stratego (29209) 5 years ago

I can only hope this isn't based on a true story, otherwise I have to bolt my doors and windows. 😱

[–] twinA (4826) 5 years ago

[deleted]

[–] Stratego (29209) 5 years ago

Omg, those two together would make the perfect film! In real life, it would be absolutely terrifying, though.😖

[–] twinA (4826) 5 years ago

[deleted]

[–] Stratego (29209) 5 years ago

Finally everything would make sense!

"I got the results of the test back! I definitely have breast cancer."

BANG!

"Not in my movie!"

[–] twinA (4826) 5 years ago

I think you are on to the most bewildering game of rock, paper, scissors yet! Is that a thing in the Netherlands?

~~/o/

[–] Stratego (29209) 5 years ago

Nope. I do know it's originally an Asian game.

[–] twinA (4826) 5 years ago

[deleted]

[–] Stratego (29209) 5 years ago

I'll just get out my whip if he turns out to be a tough negotiator!

[–] R_Kane (15828) 5 years ago

I’m posting so I can see past all the Ignore posts here.

And, Strat?, I’ve been using the bullwhip since before you were conceived. We both know that it can kill. The whip is a fluid sword.

[–] [deleted] 5 years ago

I gonna get a toupee and play The Fonz. Aaaayyy!

[–] Stratego (29209) 5 years ago

The question is who should play YOU. Just call Mitch Pileggi and we're all happy.

[–] R_Kane (15828) 5 years ago

It’s true. We have footage. You are much more attractive than SusanSmith; also, more limber.

[–] captainbucky (15252) 5 years ago

You suck

[–] twinA (4826) 5 years ago

[deleted]

[–] captainbucky (15252) 5 years ago

What’s the deal with hownos

[–] twinA (4826) 5 years ago

[deleted]

[–] captainbucky (15252) 5 years ago

No. Hownos is trying to top the most posts ever list now

[–] twinA (4826) 5 years ago

[deleted]

[–] captainbucky (15252) 5 years ago

I think so but he’s trying to top even that

[–] twinA (4826) 5 years ago

[deleted]

[–] captainbucky (15252) 5 years ago

He hi jacked my trivia thread

[–] twinA (4826) 5 years ago

[deleted]

[–] [deleted] 5 years ago

We got carried away. Start another one - it won't happen again. Sorry.

[–] [deleted] 5 years ago

Carl Weathers can play me, He looks nothing like me and is a different colour but he could be doing with a career comeback. This could lead to Action Jackson 2 (2021) for him. I'd like 2% from any action figures/video game tie ins. 👌

[–] AndyKing (300) 5 years ago

Keifer Sutherland to play me (we look similar).
I would get Croft & Ben to translate all of DceuFanticArmy's inane posts on Moviechat into English and make them grammatically correct.
My contract would stipulate a lifetimes supply of orange Fruit Pastilles and orange Smarties - but ONLY the orange ones.

[–] R_Kane (15828) 5 years ago

I will always welcome a fellow grammarian, Andy; but could we amend your task to include the instruction “logically coherent” as well, and to forbid the words “butthurt” and “it/you sucks/suck”? Thank you.

[–] AndyKing (300) 5 years ago

R_Kane, since you asked so nicely: -

Keifer Sutherland to play me (we look similar).
I would get Croft & Ben to translate all of DceuFanticArmy's inane posts on Moviechat into English and also make them both grammatically correct and logically coherent, whilst forbidding him to use the words "butthurt", "Marveltard" and the verb "suck".
My contract would stipulate a lifetimes supply of orange Fruit Pastilles and orange Smarties - but ONLY the orange ones.

How's that?

[–] [deleted] 5 years ago

I would like Leonardo DiCaprio to play me.

[–] CKid (3816) 5 years ago

The guy who should play me was actually an extra in Woody Allen's Annie Hall!

He's the guy standing in front of Diane Keaton with his arms folded while she and Woody are waiting in line to see a movie. That was the scene where the guy behind them kept talking about Marshall McLuhan, something that was driving Woody crazy.

Here's the scene ... https://youtu.be/sXJ8tKRlW3E

His hair was a little bit longer than mine, but we had the same face shape and wore similar glasses as well as having the same height and build. I also lived in New York at the time. In fact, I received several calls from old college friends as well as some relatives asking if that was really me in that scene.

If truth be told though, should he have to play me as I currently look, he'd have to lose most of the hair on top of his head.