No online or movie example seems to fit my situation

I'll start off by saying I'm straight.
Please don't hold that against me. ;)
I do have several gay friends. (like they all say.)
This is based on listening and observance only.

This is not unique to gay relationships.
The only difference would be that there are fewer gay people than straight people.
By this I mean that sometimes I think that people think that they are limited to what they see around them.
This isn't the case. It's a huge country and world.

In my experience people usually don't change.
It takes an extremely strong person to change who they are.
Not that people can't do it but they have to really truly and honestly want to change.
Most people SAY they want to change but never do.

I've never had and ex that I remained friends with.
Mostly because there was a reason I didn't want them in my life to begin with so why change it and take a step back?
I'm not saying it's easy or can't be done but for me it just doesn't work.

I try to live by -If something isn't working in your life than change it.
It's not always easy to be sure.

I think people often do something because they think they don't have a choice.
I've been through a lot of shit in my life and I can say there is always a choice.

It's character building for him, don't fret like a mother hen.

Go and see somebody fantastic and cast your old boyfriend to the kerb, it'll be better for both of you.

Life has no set rules, but there are things we can figure out...

You don't have children together... A clean break is probably best for the both of you, seeing as you have been so close, yet feel that you don't want a relationship... This isn't just a friend who you happened to become intimate with, so why try to hold on to a friendship that hasn't existed for a year...

Sure, don't be nasty to one another, but don't actively keep in touch either... What's the point?

You "clearly" don't want a long term relationship with the guy. Why keep him hanging on?

Let the guy move on with his life... And do the same yourself...

Disclaimer: I'm straight.

Pete, as another poster mentioned, life has no set rules, only a set of general guidelines. In most cases a clean break is the best thing. But this is not always true. The important thing is to be honest with him.

I dated a woman off and on again for years. Now she is one of my best friends. So it can work, though it's probably not common.

I hope this helps.


😎

Update: I have hung out with him a couple times in the month we've been apart, seems like we might transition to friends okay, but only time will tell.

First, let me just say that I applaud your bravery.

I'm sure any man would be lucky to have you. You are charming and sincere. I do understand why you'd want your significant other to be employed, believe me. Not trying to pry, but haven't you got a nest egg from your own career?

On second thought, your income is between you and your government. Moving on...

I admire your accomplishments. You played all the bases, right and left field, with more outs than anyone else.

But your biggest home run is being who you are. I'm sure Carol must be supportive, and Kiana must be okay with things. You made my day. It's so wonderful to see one of America's greats championing the cause.

Go Reds!

"Antwerp, I already have one of those."

Bumpy dumpty

Less than a year ago I broke up with my most recent partner. We both came to the realization that we were not a good fit for each other, highlighted by years of her abusive behavior, my submissiveness, and a general mismatch of personal values to name but a few factors. It was toxic for both of us, but I did everything I could on my part to keep us together because my ex, my first true love and the person I had planned to spend the rest of my life with, was doing so well with her rebound relationship that my internal competitiveness refused to let this new one fail. Alas, after several years of trying to make this one work, I had to swallow the bitter lesson that sometimes two people just don't add up.

The silver lining is that after this most recent breakup, our relationship has improved immensely. We're better friends to each other, sharing positivity and support that was practically nonexistent when we were a romantic couple. To this day I consider her a close ally, and I'm glad she's not expressing constant anger and frustration like when we lived together. When it's time to enter into another relationship, I look forward to applying this experience and creating a stronger more lasting bond with a new partner.

Pete, your experience is more universal than you might presume. Most people who get out of relationships but still want to remain friends struggle to find this balance. The best advice I can give is to make it clear to the other person that you value their companionship and wish to continue as friends, but do not relentlessly hound them. If that person feels the same way, you two will find a way to move forward together in a new chapter.