Are all the Trumpers going as Trump this year for Halloween?
The following things you'll need for the perfect Trump costume:
-Platinum blonde hair dye: Please ignore the instructions on the box and only leave it in your hair half the recommended time so as to provide your hair with a nice orange hue.
-Razor. Shave all the hair from the back and most of the top of your head off. Please allow at least six months of growth from the remaining hair. Take the hair from the sides and surviving pate of hair on top and proceed to comb all over the place until the bald spots are covered. Any direction will do, as long as the bald areas are covered.
-Orange skin: This can be achieved in several ways, depending upon your price range: Option 1: attend any local tanning salon. Ask them for a bronze spray tan. Option 2: Find your nearest Party City or any Walmart and buy orange clown make-up. Apply to body in heavy doses. Leave eye area unpainted.
-Body type: Depending upon your commitment level to your costume, you may do one of the following: Option 1: allow 6 months of rigorous weight gain. Please get yourself around 350 lbs minimum. This can be quickly achieved by eating fast food three meals per day. Please be sure to snack on cookies and potato chips in between each meal. Be sure it is only the lowest quality fast food, though: McDonalds and Burger King are some great suggestions. Option 2: Buy a fat suit--XXXXL size should be adequate.
-Business suit: This one is relatively easy and inexpensive. Go to your local Walmart and find a cheap business suit. Taylor not necessary or recommended. Red tie only. Be sure it is extra bulky in the shoulder area so as to provide the illusion you have bulky, manly shoulders.
-Optional accessories: An unsigned economic spending bill; An unsigned healthcare bill with blank pages and no actual healthcare plan written; a map of the US with a hurricane path marked over Alabama with a Sharpie; a Sharpie; schematics to a giant border wall surrounded by a moat...marked with a Sharpie, of course. You can even draw a moat sharky with your Sharpie if you'd like; a bag of McDonald's cheeseburgers (at least 20ct.); a gun so you can pretend you're Rambo; A wad of Monopoly money with a post-it attached to it that says "Please be quiet, Stormy". Get creative! Have fun!
Get crackin', Trumpers! Halloween day is young. :)