Todd in the Shadows: Best songs of 2016.

Part 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i7e6Hwcmj-Y
Part 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zm_Qx1x1zG4

OK, let's go. (I have a cold right now, so forgive me if I come off a little disjointed.)

10. Coldplay are one of those bands like Mumford and Sons or Twenty One Pilots, in that society seems to have dictated that I should either love or hate them but I really don't care either way. They have songs I genuinely like and others I can't stand. I think that ambivalence does come through on this song. I guess it sounded good when it came on (and I have a few rock stations on my presets, so I probably heard this way more than some of the strict pop listeners did, and I certainly heard it more than some of the biggest hits of the year), and it certainly had decent production (Then again, I would argue all Coldplay songs have nice production.) However, I don't think I'd ever go out of my way to listen to it. It's a Coldplay song, all right. (I'm sure a lot of people, including myself, were expecting him to choose "Hymn for the Weekend" instead. I have no strong feelings about that song either.)

9. I haven't heard this song enough to really comment on it. Not really my cup of tea, but I will say that after having listed to a bit of Lemonade, I like this iteration of Beyonce more than any other. I liked the song with Jack White, the one with Kendrick Lamar, the country song...really, I feel like listening to any of these songs right now, but no, I'm not getting a Tidal subscription. If Beyonce keeps at this level for the rest of her life, I'll take back everything I ever said about "Single Ladies."

8. Just another "In one ear, out the other" song and certainly not one that makes me want to keep Drake around. At least he didn't go with "Fake Love." That song blows.

7. Oh, god no. I mean, yeah, that bass line is pretty great. Pretty much all of the musical elements are good, but they had to be wasted on the single most asinine set of lyrics I've heard all year. I get that cake is a sexy metaphor, but as soon as you introduce "by the ocean," it just doesn't work. The beach is not the place to eat cake, unless you want to risk getting sand in it...so I guess it kind of is like sex on the beach. OK, I'll give them that one. The rest of the lyrics are pretty dumb. "See you walking around like it's a funeral"? Because I think this song about sex needs to open with the imagery of someone being bored at a funeral. "Waste time with a masterpiece, don't waste time with a masterpiece." So, what do you want me to do? "I'll be Diddy, you'll be Naomi." Truly a love for the ages! It's a lot like "Blurred Lines" in that the groove is great, but the lyrics kill it. This should not have been allowed to travel beyond frat/sorority parties.

6. OK, now we're talking! This is Adele's most subtle and mature song to date, and I wish it could have been as big as her biggest hits. It's a nice song about looking back at a relationship and while it may not have been the best, you still reflect on the things that made you happy. We need more songs like that. If Adele decides to stop writing songs about past relationships (and I kind of wish she would. Come on, Adele. You're talented enough to write on other topics. Prove that you're not a one-trick pony), then this would be the perfect one to end on.

5. I think this song came in at the right time, because the atmospheric production just always sounded great toward the end of the year. I won't admit to being the biggest Daft Punk fan, but I like the fact that they have more personality than the other big EDM stars. And even most of the lyrics are nonsense, The Weeknd does a good job of making them sound like the saddest things ever. Look what you've done, indeed. Although if you ask me, "In the Night" was The Weeknd's best hit this year, and I wish that could have been bigger.

4. Definitely a grower. I was so shocked that Mike Posner was trying to edge his way back into the popular consciousness that I dismissed it immediately. However, the more I listened to it, the more I liked it. It's like the soundtrack to a movie about a one hit wonder trying to reclaim his past glory...and not a comedy but a drama. While I'd argue that most dance remixes of somber songs remove the soul and just sound clumsy, this actually works. That dance breakdown makes me think two things: He's at a party and is too depressed to dance, or he's trying to dance his problems away, but it's not working. Whatever the case, it's one fo the few instances where the remix adds something rather than take it away.

3. Not bad if you're into that kind of thing. Thanks to Eric Cartman's Britney Spears impression, I can never take a song that uses the phrase "Touch my body" seriously. It always makes me laugh. That goes just as much for Mariah Carey.

2. I'm glad to have Bruno mars back doing his thing. This song is good, but there are a few things that keep me from fully enjoying it. One, "Uptown Funk" spoiled me. That song is going to be the standard by which I judge all retro funk throwbacks. This song just doesn't have the groove or the unrestrained manner that made that song so much fun. That could be that I just don't have the nostalgia for the mid to late '80s that I do for the '70s. Also, who thought that vocoder was a good idea? It's annoying and doesn't fit with the time period he's trying to evoke. The first few times I heard it, I thought "Oh no, is Jason Derulo back?" Those are some pretty big issues, but other than that, I enjoy the song quite a bit. Having another "Uptown Funk" on the radio isn't a bad thing at all. I'll take this over "Cake by the Ocean" any day.

1. I'm just as floored by his top pick as everyone else. I know he did a review that was fairly positive, but not anything that suggested that he thought it was THE BEST OF THE YEAR. Which it isn't. I don't hate this song nearly as much as other people do. I actually find myself quietly singing the chorus out of nowhere, but if the best we can do is two vocalists with the charisma of rice cakes warbling about stolen mattresses ahead of a drop that is more noisy than danceable (Dear EDM producers: Stop. Doing. This.), then it's no wonder this past year sucked. As for "Roses," I liked that one quite a bit. The production is The Chainsmokers' best, and Rozes actually does sound like a vocalist who should stick around. I don't think it would have fit as #1 either, but it would have fit better.

RIP Roger Ebert
1942-2013